My son is 9 and has recently been diagnosed with autism and behavioral problems he's had anger issues since he was a toddler but lately it's gotten so bad I feel like I have a domestic violence relationship with him he slaves me around and punches holes in my wall also breaks stuff and calls me horrible names I mean names no 9 year old child should know he's on medication but it's not working it's got to the point I feel like I've failed him as a mum and I'm so depressed I cry all the time I feel so alone I've even thought of giving him to families SA I don't sleep I barely eat I feel like no one understands and no one cares my son hits me and hurts me if I don't do what he demands he's never been brought up in a DV environment so I don't know where he's got it from I'm so lost right now he's dad's out of the picture I'm doing it all on my own
I feel like I'm in a domestic violence relationship with my son
I feel like I'm in a domestic violence relationship with my son
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Parenthood Guilt
5 Replies
He's Autistic, that's where he got it from. Now not all autistic children behave like your son, but there is definitely a proportion that do.
My son is autistic and I'm autistic, my son is now 22.
It's time to become the expert in your sons condition.
Each child has particular traits and often an extreme level of anxiety can lead to behavioural problems and outbursts because of a need to control.
1. If the medication isn't working keep going back to the peadiatrician
2. Medication alone isn't enough so your need a good psychologist that specialises in autism. I would expect homework from the psychologist.
3. You also need an OT and potentially a speech therapist
4. You can also arrange in home respite care and even out of home respite care
5. You need to get into the NDIS as it is available in SA. My friends kids have things included like therapy, in home respite care, house cleaning etc
6. Find a Autism parent support group on Facebook. There are some specific for your state and I know for a fact there are SA ones. Join, teach out, the mums know how to get the services.
7. Reach out to AutismSA and see if they have any other suggestions.
Services are available, yes it's hard, but services can make a huge difference to your life and your sons life.
Oh and speak to your GP about making sure you get a mental health care plan for yourself.
My son has Autism as well, he's working with a behavioral therapist for the past 5 years and we still have a few bad days. In your case I do agree with the previous response about going back to get the medication rechecked to make sure it is not causing more problems. I also suggest you try to obtain some type of at home services. Therapy for sure as well as some additional help/support for yourself. I can help you if you tell me the state/city you are in. You need to get help now, depending on your son's level of understanding he may just do this as a sign of frustration or anger or he may even do it purposely for fun. My son used to do it in both occasions. The therapist helped me understand why my son was doing these things, then they helped me find alternatives for him and helped me make my son understand that his behavior was unacceptable. Again, they will work on your son based on his level of understanding and specific needs so seek out this option. Once you get these hings for him then you can look for a psychologist for you and for him. It's better if you have session alone so you can get the extra support you need. Big huge hug momma. I know it's hard, right now I feel as if my nose is broken from where my son punched me. I had thought of having him put into an institution temporarily until things got better so I am glad that getting the therapist worked. You can reach out to me if you need any help or smiles. Take care, much love being sent your way! ❤
You are not alone mumma, my son is like this too x take the advice of the first comment please and reach out into the community for help. Your school should also be able to give you numbers for people that can help as well x
Ok so now you have a diagnosis, time to get support and help. Unfortunately we're in the process of a massive change to disability services, but depending on when the NDIS rolls out in your area, you should still be able to access services.
Talk to school about what additional services and support they can offer, or look into a change if school is causing too much grief.
Has he been assessed by an OT, speechy and psychologist? Do you have ongoing sessions with any of these? You need specifically behavioural support. Contact your local autism org and ask about services.
You need a break, take some time out and do things you enjoy, also, get counselling for yourself, attend ASD specific workshops and seminars, join support groups. Join Carers groups. You'll discover you're not alone, and also learn some strategies.
The more you know, the better you can help your son, but you can't do it alone.
Once you understand the complexities of autism, and what specifically may trigger your son into meltdown, you can be pre-emptive, have plans in place and feel more empowered. But shit can and will happen, cos life is unpredictable, but you do the best you can at any given moment.
With hard work, patience, and the right supports around you, things will improve. Did I mention patience? Fuck it tests your patience! ?
Look into the side effects of the meds, at times medication can make matters worse