Sorry for the vent.
Do you ever feel like giving up? Im over being a mum. I have more bad days than good, dread being around my child cause everyday with my 7 year old is a nightmare, a simple trip to the shops ends with me becoming so angry that i drop my things and leave. We have been to parenting classes, psychologists, peadiatricians. Sticker charts rewards nothing works. I just want us to be normal and be able to do normal things without me having to constantly tell him off, or the backchat or tantrums. Is that so hard to ask. I love my child dont get me wrong but im at wits end and dont know what to do? Im spent this afternoon crying in my room after he got lost in the shops for 2 hours today he had no remorse and even laughed when he was found. Im just so over it. I take my hat off to mums who do it eveyday with special needs children and i cant even deal with one. I feel like i am failing him.
I cant parent anymore.
I cant parent anymore.
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
3 Replies
You know what got me through my life. Picking my battles.
If that meant I NEVER took him shopping that's what I did. If that meant we lived under lock and key that's what I did. Anything to stop the day to day battles and lower the stress levels.
We really did have to modify our life, which meant a lot of planning and problem solving to start off with.
For a long time my son didn't have access to the pantry (locked) because he'd throw food over the kitchen including food colouring, curry powder, you name it.
For a long time ALL the scissors lived in a drawer that was locked.
For a long time I did not take him to the shops, I either got a home delivery or bought in bulk when I did not have to take him.
For a long time we had deadlocks on all the doors and windows and the keys lived around my neck, he would let himself out at 3am of I didn't and he was 3 years old.
We modified our lives and made changes so that we didn't have the huge battles and we could reduce our stress levels. Over time with small doses of exposure we were able to drop these measures.
Now our house is set up very normally, nothing is under lock and key we can go to the shops at anytime and it's not a problem. But I had to do very small visits to the shops, like literally walk in walk out, then gradually extend the time by a minute.
I feel your pain, I have a 10 Yr old HFA, 8 yr old ASD low function and a 4 Yr old ADHD. I'm always loosing my 4yr old at the shops, she doesn't care and she chuck tantrums like no tomorrow.
Can you try and not take him to the supermarkets with you. Have you got access to any respite. Ie silver chain or carers WA it sounds like you need a break. And I don't blame you. I've been takin g care if my 3 for almost 4 years on my own. I have a boyfriend but he's only in town on the weekends. I yell and get super stressed. Don't forget to get some you time Mumma. If you work take a personal day if you can and make some time for you!!
Oh dear... I sometimes get that frustrated but fortunately I have enough time in between to cope and manage my reaction (most of the time). If it was endless then it wouldnt be good theres only so much we can take.
So my advice is - time out for you. for your sanity its a basic need.
- lower your expectations of him, for whatever reason he cant do what you want him to right now, that expectation is whats shorting your fuse.
- dont react. Thsi si the hardest. hes a child having big emotions, adding an adult having big emotions doesnt help. Its so hard not to react with anger, but it doesnt help.
- dont be too hard on yourself or compare to others, youre going through a really hard patch right now its ok to not be ok with it.