How should I feel about the lack of emotional support from my partner? Back story - I was working in a pub for 2 years with good pay, I saved 15k for a house deposit then infertility lead me to change my mind and start a business. I did a course and I am now about to open the doors to my new business the trouble is, my partner always wants money. He has a job and pays most of the bills, I pay mine and power or any bills behind out of my savings. I have $700 left. He keeps guilting me to give him money for smokes etc and winging about no money which makes me feel so unsupported because he knows how it makes me feel. Like shit. I feel like a worthless piece of shit eveytime like Ive failed by not keeping the job I had (casual job not gauranteed money, treated like crap same as most jobs) so now Im trying to find a job and give up my dream. He is a casual and can get 15hrs-25hrs a week and we manage but he grew up rich, he can't handle left overs or soup or anything cheap meap wise really. Junk food and pizza... games... smokes... the list of shit goes on. I guess what I am getting at is do I have a right to be angry? He hasn't even attempted to get a full time job or come up with some alternative money wise. I feel like Ive let him down because I was the sole earner and now I don't have an income at all and to top it off he bought a fucked car and sold his good car and now we have no car and no money to fix this piece of crap.
8 Replies
Time to kick him to the kerb.
So hes a child. And he thinks youre his mum? Dont you want a partner? I would sit down and calculate bills and split them fairly. Then work out a realistic food budget.
Then tell him if he wants smokes or takeaway or strak hebuys it. Its called a budget.
and you let him know you are investing in a business its a hard time its a broke time your savings are for emergencies, not luxuries for a spoilt brat, so stop asking. He can get with it and join in adulting or if he cant keep his own shit together enough to not pull you down, cut him loose.
Baha, our rule for the last 20 years has been fend for yourself. Luckily for my partner I am not cold hearted, he has made some stupid decisions I've bailed him out on (and one of these was a half-assed business venture 3 weeks into it) but for the most part we share living expenses and each pay our own personal bills. The idea behind shared expenses is that you both pay a portion based on what you earn so that in the end you have an equal amount left over, from that he can buy his smokes, cars, pizzas, games etc.
This sounds nothing like a partnership. In a partnership you should be working together and want similar things out of life.
Honestly you sound like you are both on very different paths. You want to progress, move forward and grow up. He sounds like he is still in the young lads club.
Time to move on.
Life is too short to wait for him to grow up (which may not happen).
Go forth and conquer life without him.
Leave him
Everyone is saying you should fend for yourself in a relationship ... I'm going to go against the grain and say if your together and you share a home then $ should be shred too ... BUT your goals should also be shared . When you decided that you wanted to start a business instead of buy a house was he on board ? And then that's changed somewhere ? Or was he never wanting that together ?
Prior to wanting to start your dream business how was ur money worked out and have you discussed how things will be changing or have you just grown more resentful as you changed but he didn't .... I'm not saying that things should t change as your obviously not happy but when your in a commuted relationship with someone money is a topic that continuously comes up especially if you share funds (my hubby and I have been married 10 years and always joint our$ in one account and we talk all the time about how we can manage our extra spending - it's hard but I wouldn't have it any other way )
Starting a business can be expensive !! I'm sure you've allocated lots of money to it .... ??
I'd be suggesting you sit down and talk about where you see your relationship going are you both looking in the same direction ? If you are then you need to discuss how you can make your funds work for both of you . Maybe setting an allocated amount for pizza and smokes aside each week but no more !? Or about trying hard to cut back til the business picks up ....
if your not looking at the same goals or directions then maybe it's time to part ways for a while or get some counseling to sort your issues ....
Just quickly I'd also like to add with ur infertility issues have you sought counseling for the grief that comes with that ? It seems that maybe there's some possible self confidence issues going on as well ? Why is your partner talking about no money such an issue to you ? Is it because it stirs feelings that you don't like ? Is it that there are underlying emotions going on that you actually feel unsupported about ? Are you both dealing with the issue differently ? Is it causing rifts ? Your focus has changed but has his ? There's a lot more to your story that is worth exploring rather then just giving up ! Big hugs hun !! Xo