Hi all!
My son is 2 years old, he goes to daycare and is a typical boy, very rough and tumble, playful and full on! Not a mean bone in his body.
A close friend of mine has a 1 yr old who isnt walking yet, and when they play together my friend is constantly at my son saying "be careful" if my son accidently knocks her child, she swoops him up and cuddles him even if her child is fine. Which leaves me feeling like crap and like my child is a pain even though he is just playing. I know if i say something she will take it as an attack on her parenting or something and cause issues. Im sick of my child being told off because she cant let a single thing happen to hers.
17 Replies
Some new mums are just so rapt up in their own kid they cant see fairness if they tried.
Sounds just like shes one. You need to start speaking up for your kid and saying its ok youre only 2! Nice and firmly and happily say, you Are such a nice friend playing with he baby! or tell her, hes only two your expectations of him are too much he cant be careful of a baby. Always reassure him hes ok and doing well, nice and loudly.
But then i stopped hanging out with the 'friend' that did mean things to my baby to make hers laugh and expect me to dote over her babys cute giggle, so maybe take my advice with a pinch of salt. Some new mamas can be blind.
She sounds like an anxious mummy. Some mums are just like that. Speak up when it happens, 'it was just an accident'. But from experience I just find I reduce contact with these kinds of people as I just find them exhausting. I'd only catch up when I didn't have my son.
As their age gap becomes less noticeable (say when they're 2&3) this will become less of an issue, maybe you could say something along the lines of "relax hun, he's fine they're just playing" when it happens. If she feels your son's being too rough, she's well within her rights to tell him to be careful. I used to have to remind my MIL's 3 kids to be careful with my baby and they were all above 10!
If it gets excessive or she's being unfair to your son (Mums like this can sometimes overlook their own kids behavior but constantly chastise yours) then you need to be blunt. Tell her straight that she's being over the top and you'd appreciate it if she left the parenting to you.
By reminding your child to be gentle with her child she's being protective of her baby. He's not walking yet and yours is. I am constantly reminding my 4 year old to be gentle with her one year old cousins. I also remind my 8 and 10 year old boys too. I don't want anything happening to my nephews because I am not reminding them that they need to play nicely and my daughter is rough as guts and I don't want her hurting anyone's child. Maybe she wants to raise her child differently to yours, maybe just maybe remind your son to use gentle hands just because he's a boy doesn't mean he can't be gentle either. Sure it's an accident and he's only two but if you're not teaching him at an early age to be gentle and to be careful of others that are smaller than him when is he ever going to learn. Kids will be kids but if something can be prevented it should be. I'm all for letting kids play together but I'm also going to ensure they play nicely and don't hurt each other when they do that.
Completely agree!
Dont agree that its ok for her to be always at him or that the mother should be. But do agree that the solution is that they dont play together. the only time he goes near the baby you go with him and hover and treat the other baby like its glass and then take him away again.
Most of us don't want a single thing to happen to our babies. Not. A. Single. Thing. There is no mum that says, a couple of things can happen to my baby, that's okay! He's defenceless, he can't walk yet, she is looking out for him and if it were me with the two year old, I would have them play with some distance between them. They don't play together at that age anyway, so just put some space between them and then you will both relax.
My daughter is 2 yrs old and her baby cousin is 10 months old, im forever telling my daughter to be careful and to be gentle with my neice..my sister inlaw also reminds my daughter to be gentle and i dont have a problem with that..i would hate for my daughter to knock her little cousin over..children should be taught from a young age to be gentle with other children regardless of their ages..i understand your friend might be over the top a bit as i have a friend who is similar (but our kids are the same age) but at the end of the day she is protecting her baby..like you would if someone bigger was playing with your child, and like you said he cant walk yet or defend himself
I don't see anything wrong with what she does. He is 2 and at the age where he can understand things. Being reminded to be gentle is a good thing...being rough and tumble isn't always a good thing (I have a child like that as well) and can lead to hurt children in the future even if they don't mean to.
I'm probably going to be that type of parent too when it comes to it, kids are so precious and a two year old doesn't really know or respect boundaries because they're just too young to understand. So they do need constant reminders to be a bit less rough and to be gentle otherwise they just get too carried away. I don't know any 2 year olds that don't get overexcited in the heat of the moment and just calm down or play less rough because they think they might hurt another kid. Possibly you could remind your child as well just so she sees you're making an effort too, maybe she feels you aren't and is making up for it.
Im blown away with all these answers. Why are you all ok with being on a two year olds case constantly. I bet thats not how you interact with your own child at all. You gently remind, and show, and praise. There's a way to engage with a child, or two children together, that isnt telling one off constantly and coddling the other.
some mums just cant do this they only have eyes for their own, I just cant believe how many mums on here in a row think like this. Surely treating both children lovingly isnt too much too expect?
I don't think saying "be careful" is being mean...my 2 year old is very rough and tumble as well and while I do remind and praise her, I have to be stern at times as well or else she just thinks it's a game and continues to be rough and hurt others (even though she may not mean to)
I agree to a point, there's got to be some sort of middle ground here.
Obviously 2 year olds do need to be constantly reminded to be careful or gentle, they are still learning how to play and interact. My son nearly broke my nose by passing me his toy phone a bit too enthusiastically lol, they don't mean to be rough but they just are sometimes so perhaps that's what this mum is trying to avoid. Also we're only getting the Op's side of the story too, maybe from the other mum's point of view the toddler is too rough and feels that OP just overlooks this, maybe she's just fiercely protective of her baby (I think we all are until our babes start Walking- once they do start getting into things and walking that ship sails a bit). I dont think anyone's suggesting to treat the toddler unkindly, I just think Mr 2 needs constant supervision/reminders/praise when he's doing a good job and maybe mum needs a bit of reassurance (she's still learning all of this too). No one is necessarily in the wrong here, just need to find a compromise that works for everyone!
Constant supervision I agree with but constant nagging and reminding, no. Saying b careful repeatedly is not nice for the kid and I dont blame the mum for having a problem with it, I would as well. Hes only two himself he wont get it thats why youre there. And it seems thats whats happening because thats the problem the op is writing about.
It's hard to know the dynamics without being there. The OP could be one of those mums that's completely oblivious to her child's behaviour and the other mum is going overboard to give her the hint. Or, the OP may be good with her child but the new mum is over the top paranoid/protective. It's really hard to say. Or it may be somewhere in the middle. I think the best thing to do is separate them, don't have them playing close so no accidents can occur and everyone will calm down.
Thats true
I have a 2 year old and if he is around smaller children I will always remind him that the other child is smaller so he needs to be careful, and i would expect parents of bigger children to do the same around my child. Perhaps you should teach your child to actually be careful... this 'boys will be boys' stuff is a cop out.