Why do people insist that your child cannot be an only child? My daughter is only just three months old and everyone keeps asking when we're going back for number two! I just want to scream at them. My pregnancy and labour were horrifying. Morning sickness that was actually constant sickness and lasted till I was in labour. Baby girl got stuck for two hours and I ended up begging for the midwives to give me an episotomy (I can't spell it) to get her out.
My partner and I are still in our early twenties, we could literally have a baby in ten or twenty years and no one would look twice, they'd probably assume it was our first. But I really don't want another baby and nor does he, ever. I have a large family and he has a small one but of all of our siblings have the three or four kids that want we'll have around twenty nieces and nephews! But somehow we are required to supply our child with a playmate almost instantly. I'm very much over it.
Only child rant
Only child rant
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Pregnancy
19 Replies
Its just one of those conversations things. Helps gauge how youre feeling, have a laugh at how hard it all is. there are the same basic conversation pieces for every number of children. Dont you have a tv? Are you going to try for a girl next? I totally agree with you, 3 months in with a newborn is the stupidest time possible to ask about plans to have a baby, but it just seems to be one of those common things, try not to get upset by it.
Oh trust me it was serious, when I said we weren't having anymore the family member was stunned and told me that our daughter would resent us as she got older. Which got me rankled. I have numerous siblings, and as much as I love them I would have killed for the space and quiet of being an only child. We have pets, and I will be open to play dates with her eventual cousins and family. We just don't want anymore children.
Meh let it go, their opinion doesnt have to be yours. Its not like youre going to go and have another baby just because they think babies need siblings. kids will resent you no matter what you do anyway. Tell them at least one wiing about being lonely is better than two whinging about each other.
Be honest! Tell them it was hell being pregnant with and giving birth to her and while you love her with all your heart, that experience is far too fresh in your mind to consider going back for more, and you'd prefer not to discuss it again. And your child will not resent not having siblings, she won't knotw any different.
I didn't have a difficult pregnancy (rough labour and birth though) but I am just now coming out the other side of severe post-natal anxiety, 6 years later. It's been debilitating at times and though I'm certain I would love another child as much as my first, I can't risk a setback now.
I don't get it either. Honestly I was so busy enjoying my first, getting used to having a baby, that another one wasn't even considered at all, either way until my son was 2.
I opted to stop at one for a number of reasons and never regretted. I'm 44 and hit peri menopause now, and not one little bit of sadness from me at all.
This myth that siblings are going to be automatic friends for life and playmates just doesn't ring true. Sure I'm friends with both my siblings, but my siblings aren't friends with each other. My mum comes from a large family and she is pretty much on her own. She had to send her 5 siblings reminders that there mother is getting old and they should visit her. I'm sure a lot has to do with personality types.
I'm close friends with a number of only children and they are some of my favourite people in the world. Kind, social, generous, caring etc.
I was 18, just had my first son and was still in hospital when people started asking me this. Like, settle down! This one's fresh outta the womb 5 minutes ago ??
I did have 2 more babies in the next 2 years but because I wanted to not because that's what society dictates. You don't need to justify your choices to anyone, your daughter will grow up with lots of cousins by the sounds and plenty of friends. She'll be perfectly well adjusted with or without siblings. People are ridiculous sometimes!
Honestly, nearly everyone I know who swears they won't have another has another 2 or 3 lol...it's not meant to be a rude question but I do get why it can be annoying. Just say you are too busy enjoying your little girl to worry about another one right now.
Not having a crack at you but people need to just stop with this question completely - there are people who CANNOT have more despite desperately wanting them. It's not harmless and needs to GTFO of our conversations around kids. Ask ANYTHING else: where do you think they'll go to school? Have they done anything hilarious lately? How are you feeling? Focus on the parent and child as they are now.
Exactly, I'm happy to talk about my child until the cows come home but just please stop asking if we are going again. I was astounded to be pregnant in the first time thanks to crazy endo since I was sixteen. One child is a blessing and I adore my daughter but it's tiring and would like my relationship to get back on track eventually.
And welcome to motherhood ? many many more annoying 'society expects ' questions to come. Take it with a grain of salt.
I'm just past 38 weeks with my first and my pregnancy has been horrible, I actually don't know if I could put myself through it again - and I haven't even got up to the labour part yet.
I always told myself I could never just have one child, but am seriously giving it thought. I cannot imagine being so sick and immobile again while having a child to take care of! I worry that it sounds selfish, and if my husband really wanted another, I wouldn't say no and leave it at that.
But I definitely understand where you're coming from, I definitely wasn't prepared or expecting how hard it is.
Why is having one selfish?
Why is stopping at the number of children a person can handle, look after appropriately, feed, clothe and nurture, how is that selfish?
Why do we think that having one child for what ever reason is almost a form of child abuse or neglect?
There are plenty of awful things parents can do to children, stopping at one isn't one of them.
I've never spoken to a person who is in therapy because they were an only child. I have spoken to people who are in therapy because there parents were stretched beyond what they could personally cope with in life or they abused there children.
There is nothing selfish about stopping at one. Sometimes it's the most selfless thing we can do as parents.
Haha its seems no matter how many kids we have we get asked this stupid question. I have 4 and about 4 months after the 4th was born i was asked if we were going for number 5....ummmm fuck no!!!!! I turned the question straight back around and asked when they were going back again...she didnt like that very much
People don't. They're generally just looking for something to say and not bright enough to think of something intelligent. It was all over pretty quickly for me, my partner comes from a large family so I'm sure some of them expected the same from him so my answers got more and more warped until the old ninnies quickly gave up.
"I'm not, we bought a tv."
"Probably not since I'm already hoping this one isn't his."
"This Jersey is out of order, he'll have to go over another heifer."
"We can't afford to have more until someone around here dies."
And my personal favourite;
"We did, haven't you met them? They're pretty naughty though so they're locked in under the house and we rotate them every few months based on who's been a good boy."
I don't understand why people get so worked up over nosey people. When my son was little, people who didn't know I was separated kept asking when I was having another, it honestly didn't bother me, I would just say not at the moment or we have split, depending on the friendship. Racial abuse day in day out, people with disabilities being assumed by others they can't do anything, abusive victim blaming, they're the kind of issues that shit me. Nosy people, meh.
I have an only child too and have dealt with this over quite a few years now.
I'm a mum of an only-child. He's a teenager now. Hubby and I both felt that we didn't want any more after him because 1) my body was not happy being pregnant (I had lots of issues and am still dealing with the fall-out now), 2) I had complications (nothing life threatening but still really unpleasant), 3) labour was no picnic, 4) he was a difficult baby (fought sleep like his life depended on it from the get-go). I knew I couldn't deal with another one like him, and there was no guarantee that I'd get an "easy baby" the second time around. Add in that I probably wouldn't have coped with a second pregnancy, let alone the resulting baby, it was just not a good idea. Literally NOBODY in my family agreed with this. They all saw what I went through and how sick I was both during and after, and STILL I copped shit for not having another one. I even had a total stranger in a parent's room at a shopping mall tell me that I was (and I quote!!!) "depriving my son of the joy of siblings". I was so shocked and hurt I cried on my way home from that shopping expedition. My son was only 6 months old then too. I wish now I could go back to that moment and tell that busybody woman to STFU and that my uterus is none of her business.
In response to my family's digs at me about having another one, I was upset at first, but eventually I just started to laugh in their faces like they'd told me the funniest joke ever. They got offended. Too bad. We're a happy little family of 3, and we have awesome holidays because we can afford them.
Also, you can't guarantee that your kids will get along. I know plenty of people who had a second one so their first would "have a playmate" and then the two kids hated each other and fought almost constantly.
OP here, I actually had to do an oh shit pregnancy test this morning and the negative results really reinforced not wanting another child. Not for one second did I consider keeping this potential child but was fervently praying that an accidental condom break hadn't resulted in another baby. I love my daughter so much but I had an actual panic attack at the thought of not only being pregnant again but supporting two small children on an apprentice wage and parenting payments.
People always comment on the number of children you have ir how your family is made up.
When you have one they ask when are you having another.
When you have two of the same gender they ask when your trying for the other gender.
Then when you have three boys, your asked when your trying for a girl.
Then you fall pregnant a 4th time people joke you don't have a tv, or ask if your catholic....
Its never ending. Even when you have a boy and a girl people STILL comment you must be done having children because you have the "pidgeon pair".
You just ignore it and do whats best for you and your own little family.