Hi lovelies! Ill try and make this quick
So We have 3 kidlets together with the 2 of us and we are at our wits end with having an angry, fighting, crappy household!
Everyday Its fighting between each other and us, everything is a problem, nothing is good enough, and i simply cannot keep up with everything to do with the house AND actually spend time with them.
The kids are 10 (And), 6 (ASD), 4 (just loses it over everything and anything)
I am at uni and hubby works fulltime.
We have 0% fun together..ever! Everytime we attempt anything remotely fun Its a fight or tantrum so we have stopped doing pretty much anything other than the usual ritual of eat, sleep repeat and im over it!!
Its not completely their fault as i suffer from anxiety so does hubby, however this makes it harder when we just know anything we try and do is going to blow up.
Is it a better routine? Different behaviour management strategies that people know work? (im sick of yelling and screaming constantly) some personal experience with getting though this.
They dont get everything they want but probs more than they need which we are reinging in on. We have tried implementing different regard systems but their focus becomes on the reward irregardless of behaviour.
Help parents out There Cause im absolutely lost!
Only helpful responses please.
3 Replies
Firstly have you had ASD ruled out for your youngest? The number of times ASD is diagnosed in one child but missed in a younger one because it's 'different' is quite high. I'd also consider having everyone in the family assessed. Anxiety and ASD goes hand in hand.
Secondly what help is your ASD child receiving. Are they seeing a psychologist? Are they receiving all the support that they really need.
Are you using all the strategies you could for you and the kids. Could you all benefit from a structured routine. Do you need to implement visual strategies, like picture schedules. Is your home organised. Do the kids have a way of knowing what's coming up.
Are you getting respite from each other. Does each child get time to the parents just for them? Do the adults get appropriate exercise, rest.
hi thankyou for your reply
at this moment my ASD child is receiving psych, OT and Speech and ADD child is receiving psych as well as i thought it would be beneficial since he also has minor issues with anxiety
4-year-old hasn't shown any signs of ASD as yet, however, does have a terrible attitude atm, haha, her biggest issue is understanding, she doesn't like being told no or anything with a negative connotation at the moment.
I have tried to implement a better-structured routine but with uni and some casual work it's often hard to do, I would love some ideas or even websites for support if anyone has them as I am keen to try something better.
and in relation to the children getting alone time with the parents that is a no, hubby works long hours and with them at school, daycare etc it's near impossible but definitely, a good point and one I will discuss with my husband thank you
I guess it doesn't help when we as parents don't want to do anything out of the ordinary out of fear that we will end up wasting our money and time on yet another failed venture where we all (kids included) just end up stressed and over it.
Also when my ASD child is in "one of his moods" or has been triggered there is almost no strategy that we can suggest to him that he will listen to, we just have to ride out the meltdown (of sorts) until he comes out of it and listens to reason.
I'd like to add (as a mum of three teens with various special needs) that doing behaviour management, ASD specific parenting courses was invaluable. Also, making lifestyle choices too. I couldn't keep working, volunteering, training, etc. There is a grief we go through having to let things go, so see a psychologist for yourself. There's no quick easy fix, but you continuously build on your skills and knowledge. I now maintain a fairly calm environment, cos that's what we all need after a busy day of school, work, peopling ?