I have recently left a long term relationship. I have four children with my ex partner, who is totally uninvolved with our kids. I have rekindled a romance with someone i knew before, completely in love. He lives interstate. My kids are 16, 14, 10 and 7. My new/rekindled relationship wants me and the kids to live with him. I'm very scared that it will be super hard or impossible for me to get the other party, being my ex and his family to allow me to be together. Would u allow your kids to stay behind if the court/other party wouldn't allow or would u just not go? The new love interest works in an industry where he just cannot leave his job
10 Replies
Have you actually been to visit this love interest or is everything all online/on the phone? Are you really willing to leave your kids behind just to go meet up with your love interest? The older ones might understand but the two young ones... I'm not so sure. Particularly leaving them with someone uninvolved in their lives!? Seriously...
No, I wouldn't leave my kids behind with an uninvolved father for a love interest. Would your kids like to come? At that age, I would expect the court may consider what they want?
Personally, my kids would come first. Think about it. They are so young. The kids still need their mum for advice and support. 16yo would be heading into the last 2 years of high school too. The 10yo will be going to high school in less than 2 years. It's up to you though. Can you not visit during school holidays for the time being? Just think this through.
Hell no! I would be staying put with my children. Full stop. Your kids need you and they need some stability. You need to stay put with your kids. You should not even be considering moving states at this point.
There is no way I'd consider moving anywhere without them for anyone.
Your kids are teenagers your 16 and 14 year olds schooling should not be being interrupted at this crucial time.
I think personally you are a little confused at this time and need to get your head clear.
I wouldn't be so quick to move interstate for a love interest.
I find it odd that you're only worried about how your ex will cause difficulties, not the impact this could have on your kids, especially if you only separated from your other relationship recently. Imagine how resentful and hurt they'd be if you left them behind because you want to live with your new boyfriend.
Think about how this will affect your kids, you have 2 in high school. I imagine 16 year old would be starting to think about career options. Do you really want to uproot their whole lives for something that's not even a certainty? Are you actually willing to leave them behind to chase some guy?
Yeah you have the right to be happy and move on but when you bring kids into the world they should be the main priority. They shouldn't have to make sacrifices for your choices.
I think you might be saying uninvolved father from your perspective, but from his and the kids he has been there and thats enough to make being in a different state hard on them. Who would they stay with if you leave them behind?
I think you're thinking more about him than the kids and maybe framing that in your mind as doing something for yourself, but its not best for yourself, there are a lot of huge issues with that plan from your side, none for him.
Do you have permission to take them over state lines? Have you seen this guy recently and actually spent time with him? How can you say you love someone before you've spent time with them. Remember people can portray themselves differently on line to how they actually are in person. I would never leave my kids behind ever.
Why are women so scared of been single? Why on earth are you willing to drop everything for this one man???
I am in a similar situation atm. i have made it clear to the new man that he will have to come to us as I will not uproot my children from the lives they have or their father. we are doing long distance atm and meeting at neutral grounds for weekend or week holidays where and when we can to test the waters first before he looks into moving up. I would never ever consider leaving my 2 kids behind who are aged 5 and 10.
Your kids will see you going through a separation with their Dad. They will see you run straight to the arms of another man.
Consider whether this is a picture you want to paint for your kids.
I personally would put my own feelings aside for at least a year, I'd be present with my kids and stay near the father because the kids need to learn for themselves what he's like.