So after years of trying I've finally convinced my partner that my step daughter's obsessive tendencies and anger issues are things we need professional help to deal with. There was some trauma in her early life and I think it's had a more pronounced affect than we realised at the time, so now I think I have the green light to seek professional help.
My question is, how?? How do I start the process? How do I work out who the right person to send her to is? I tried to find someone a couple of years ago and the lady they linked us with through Relationships Australia was no help whatsoever, I went in and talked to her first and decided that no way was she even meeting my kid, she was just incredibly judgemental, I have no doubt she would have done more harm than good. How on earth do you work out who the right person is to steer your child's mental health when you feel like you've already failed her by not being able to help her yourself??
I just want to help my girl but I'm just at my wits end, she screams at me every day for the most ridiculous reasons and she's becoming really nasty and aggressive, nothing we do seems to make a difference to her behaviour. I feel so lost.
9 Replies
Does your stepdaughter want professional help? If she doesn't, then as good as your intentions are it probably won't be worthwhile. You cannot force someone into help and unless she is willing to accept it she won't take it seriously unfortunately.
Pending, the first step would be to visit a GP and figure out a mental health care plan, they'll refer her to the correct body (such as a counsellor, psychiatrist) and go from there. It's really just trial and error of finding the right one for her needs :)
Good luck!!!!
Start with the GP.
Sometimes it takes one or two to find the right one. Ask your GP if they have other clients they've referred to.
I tend to avoid places like relationships Australia, they have a high work load.
If you are in Victoria u would recommend CAMHS they offer couciling physiatrists and if needed in patient stays for children 6-17. They helped me alot in my teenage years and I garuntee if it wasn't for them I'd be dead.
If you are in Victoria u would recommend CAMHS they offer couciling physiatrists and if needed in patient stays for children 6-17. They helped me alot in my teenage years and I garuntee if it wasn't for them I'd be dead.
Okay first things first, go you for taking the steps to help your girl.
I was a lot like you've described her as a teenager and did years of therapy to get to the great place I'm in now.
This will be a long hard road but one that is so very worth it.
You need to take your girl to the gp and explain that you would like some help and get on a mental health plan.
Headspace are Australia wide and can offer some great short term support and refer you to something more long term.
I would also do a bit of reading up on Boderline Personality disorder as the way you have described your daughter seems very similar to what most teens with PBD are like. If you do look it up please be aware that despite a lot of what is online those with BPD are not sociopathic and are quite able to feel emotion. In fact they tend to feel a lot more than you suspect. BPD is thought to be a twisted form of ptsd and you may find that it will be what's troubling your girl. It's hard to deal with but with a lot of love and support she and you will pull through this.
She has to choose who to see, and it might take a wfew people till she gets the right one. Make sure she knows its all good to change the person shes seeing if they suck.
Also, you sound very stressed and you should think about seeing someone about the guilt etc as well. Probably first and foremost to be of the most use to her whe she sees someone.
Gp would be the best place to start. In my area we have a service that is specifically for young peoples mental health (and sexual health, homelessness and all matters of teen issues). Might be worth looking into services like this too.
You can also contact your local mental health team. They will have a child & youth branch and may be able to help. The upside of accessing mental health support in the public system is that it's genuinely free (no payment then Medicare rebate type arrangement) and sometimes have access to other services/health professionals if needed.
If you do decide to see someone privately, make sure that they are a registered health professional with appropriate (university level) qualifications.
Psychologists are registered with the Australian health practitioners board and you can search their to make sure they are legit and don't have any conditions on their registration (avoid if they do).
The thing with accessing professional support for the first time is that you don't want to put the young person off seeking help again in the future.
So, if they don't like it or don't like the person don't make them keep attending. Be supportive, listen to them and seek out alternative care.
Also, as the saying goes; you can take a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Try not to get frustrated if she isn't ready and doesn't take on board what is being offered.
Good on you for being supportive and wanting to help.
Do a youth mental health first aid course.
Start with your GP, they will refer her to a psychiatrist (for diagnosis and possibly medication) but then you'd want to be seeking ongoing treatment CBT i.e. talking therapy, with a youth counselor or psychologist specializing in youth mental health/trauma.
Speak to the school counselor/welfare teacher and see what programs they offer or know of in the local area.
You sound very discerning, so knowing not every 'professional' is a good fit is brilliant, well done mumma xx