Please no nasty comments as I already feel like a shitty mum and feel so far from the mother I want to be. I should also state that every professional opinion so far has been that my child is simply clingy and teething. But I feel there's something we are missing and have been missing since she was born. I wrote in a while ago about having a very unsettled baby who was at the time 9 weeks old. Firstly, we finally saw a paed through the hospital because she went off her bottles one night and he checked her over and recommended a few things to give her and to change. 2 days later after changing her formula and giving her infants friend, she was a completely different baby. We had a wonderful 2-3 weeks where she was so much more settled (still abit rough but nothing like how she was) and I was starting to feel happy again. But that quickly changed and she started falling back into these old habits of not wanting to sleep, screaming of a night and then throw teething into the mix. She is now 6 months old and I'm once again at breaking point. About 4 weeks ago she went through what I thought was a sleep regression. It lasted about 2 weeks and suddenly she had a great 2 nights of sleeping 7-8 hours straight and there were no issues putting her down. After those 2 nights, she started going back to her old ways and since then, she has screamed every night to the point I have to go in and hold her or rock her to calm her. she is very up and down with her bottles sometimes having only 90ml and other times having 150ml. So we are wasting so much formula and it's $30 a tin. She's teething so she aggressively chews everything she gets her hands on, she wakes multiple times through the night and every single night without fail, come 5pm, she screams all through me cooking tea, me eating tea and me trying to get my oldest daughter ready for bed. She's become extremely clingy and I just have to stand up and she cries. My partner is on arvo shift so I've been doing it all on my own, even mornings because he's catching up on sleep. I'm getting no breaks, no sleep, I'm losing weight because I'm not eating much. Or more so don't have time. I'm so bloody miserable and tired and I feel like the shittest mum to my oldest because I have no patience, hardly any time for her because I'm always trying to stop my 6mo from screaming the house down and I can't tolerate ANY sooking from either of them because that's all I hear 24/7. I'm so worried that this is affecting the bond not just between me and my 6mo, but between me and my oldest too. I hate night time because once she's settled and fallen asleep, I sit down to do something or just relax and within half an hour she's crying again. Ive just read about camomile tea and so far she's had 3 bottles with it over 2 days and there's been absolutely no improvement at all. Today she's had 3 10min naps and one half hour nap since waking at 6am. (Currently 8:30pm). And this is after waking last night 4 times through the night. I am so so over this. It's put me off having another baby which my partner and I both knew we wanted at least one more. I feel less connected with her and it breaks my heart. I love her dearly and would save her with my own life but i just need a break from her :'( my partner and I are also suffering because we get NO time to even cuddle anymore as all our time is on our 6mo. where do I go from here and how do I fix not just my kids but myself and my relationship?
12 Replies
Some babies are incredibly hard work. They just are. My boy was incredibly difficult in similar ways and I'm different ways.
Yes there might be some answers to why but sometimes they don't come until the child is older. My sons feeding difficulties we're finally explained around 3 years old when he was diagnosed with severe apraxia. Could that have been diagnosed earlier? no. If I'd known would it have changed the situation? no.
For a lot of kids they will just grow out of this Velcro, teething, no sleep misery.
You don't say if you are using day care or not? If not, use it as much as you can. You need to get through this phase with your sanity and family in tact.
I expect you're tired of hearing it but this phase will pass.
She sounds just like my son was, he was an extraordinarily difficult baby.
Looking back, he showed many signs of reflux that were ignored by health nurses and my GP. Is this something you've looked into?
I know it's no solace at the moment but it does slowly get easier, believe me I remember how hard it is.
I wish I had some magic solution for you but you really just have to take one day at a time.
Have you been to a sleep school? If not I'd recommend attending one. It sounds like she isn't getting enough sleep for a start and although it's easy to say this implementation is another story. In WA we have ngala who help with these kinds of issus. I'd definitely call the parenting helpline to find our who can help you from your state.
With ngala it isn't just a phone call but you can do day and night stays so they can observe the behaviour and implement strategies to tackle it. I'd definitely get onto that.
Good luck mumma you are doing a great job!
You need to go back to your gp and get a referral to see a pead again and ask for a referral to a sleep school.
When your partner is home get him on dad duty and try and rest. Its ok to admit you are struggling and ask for help.
I had a difficult baby and ended up with pnd. So be mindful of how you are feeling.
I can tell you this though, there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. She won't always be like this.
Take care mumma x.
Where do you live? If near brisbane Im happy to have her for a day. I had a crying baby and I know this, i can relate. If it helps at all, once she could speak she turrned into an absolute sweetheart of a child. I think they really have trouble knowing what it is with babies until they get older, which absolutely sucks. Until then, call in all the help you can. You need sleep, you need time with your older one to reinforce your relationship, you need time alone, you need time with your partner. schedule it in, get your partner in, get daycare, whatever it takes to get through it, and keep seeing paediatrician.
My kids were like this. They were both had silent reflux. Wouldn't eat much because scared it would hurt. Wouldn't sleep well because it would come up and burn. Have a look at RISA and see if any of it sounds familiar. See a pead again and again. Look into sleep clinics. Ask child health nurse for help, they are usually more helpful and have more resources than a pead. Can you manage daycare? We couldn't afford it but ended up putting my Bub in 1 day a week in family daycare. I needed the break was turning into a horrible mother who yells.
Being a mum is hard. Being a severely sleep deprived mum is even harder. You are doing a great job - don't forget that.
Take her back to the pead and demand more help.
If you're in Brisbane take her to Allergy Medical Centre in Newstead to see if there's anything causing discomfort etc.
maybe try a different formula (allerpro - from the chemist).
If you're in Brisbane I have tea and coffee and a spare bed for you to have a daytime nap and catch up on sleep.
I had a baby like yours, he's 21m now and so much better!
Honestly, the first 12 weeks were hell, things improved and then they were absolutely awful again from 6-10m. At about 10m things got a lot better and it happened really quickly. I think becoming more physically active helped because he was actually tired enough to want to go to sleep.
We also did a huge elimination diet cause of allergies/intolerances (he had constantly green mucousy poo) but if your baby is already on formula and didn't have any symptoms maybe allergies aren't the cause for your bubs unsettledness?!
I don't really have any advice or anything but I do want to reassure you that things get easier. I'm still quite traumatised by those early months and frequently feel like I'm over being a mum, more so than my friends who had easy babies, even though my toddler is pretty good these days. I really feel like 10-11m is the magic time developmentally for big improvements.
Try to hang in in there. Xx
Crying is the only way babies have of communicating. So what is she telling you? All is not right. I can't stand the way we get fobbed off, by doctors, by other women and dismiss it as colic, teething, clingy, etc.
I'd go see a naturopath/homeopath and look into gut health/allergies. Allopathic medicine is not the be all and end all. Is she vaccinated? Has any thing changed after having a dose? Reactions to vaccines are more prevalent than they'd have us believe, or admit to.
Look into osteopathy or any other form of gentle body correction specific for babies like yours. I'm sure there's support groups you could find online and hear what others have tried, and had success with.
Get as much support around you, so you can have little regular breaks with and without hubby. Is there a sleep clinic you can go to for a rest while someone monitors the bub? Or see if hubs will do a night on the weekend and you go to mum's or a friend's for a good night sleep.
You gotta get some sleep mumma xx
I think your bub might have a physical issue or food allergy or intolerance.
Please join the Facebook group called "breastfeeding mums with allergic and food intolerant babies Australia"
Post your story there and I, and 5000 other mums all with experience in unsettled and unwell babies will help you get some answers and relief xxx
I'm always really hesitant to give advice because I never want to assume that what worked for me will work for everyone but I'll share my story with you anyway...
My baby girl had silent reflux which woke her up constantly so she didn't sleep well at night and would only nap upright on my chest during the day. I don't know when exactly it happened but at some point she grew out of the reflux but the behavioural issues remained. She still wanted to be soothed every hour all night long and did not nap well during the day. I was so sleep deprived and it really took the joy out of motherhood! My pediatrician assured me that he believed she was no longer in pain and that I should consider sleep training. I had always been a bit anti sleep training because of various articles I read and I just thought it was my job to do everything necessary to soothe my baby even if it meant neglecting my own physical and mental health. My baby was 9 months old before I decided that I just couldn't cope anymore and that she needed a sane and happy mother. I was feeling so frustrated and depressed, especially during the night! My pediatrician referred me to a sleep consultant named Jennifer Metter (Jenni June) and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me! I had resisted sleep training because I had so many misconceptions about it. I thought she would just tell me to let my baby cry it out but it wasn't like that at all. There was of course some protest from my little one but the main focus was on what she calls sleep hygiene. This is related to her sleep environment and her schedule and routines. It felt like a very holistic approach and all about giving my baby the best possible chance of being able to sleep well. I had tried a lot of things that she suggested but never in the combination she set out for us. We had a 90 minute skype consultation with her and the next day she sent me the schedule to follow. Her formula worked magic for us! After a week of implementing the sleep hygiene changes and then a few days of addressing the behavioural issues (this is where some crying was necessary) my baby girl was sleeping 13 hours a night without needing me at all! It's been 6 weeks now and she has not gone back. Even though he first two teeth came through a couple of weeks into the sleep training she continued to sleep 12-13 hours a night! I still feel like it's some kind of miracle! I honestly never believed this was possible as I thought I had the worst sleeper in history and a very strong willed child.
This has changed my whole life. I can actually say I am loving being a mum! My husband and I have our evenings to ourself and get much more time together now. I get a lot of time to myself too and I feel like I'm a much better mother because of it! On top of that I feel like it was 100% the best thing for our baby! She is so happy and gets amazing quality sleep! I've noticed so many positive changes in her. As our sleep consultant said to me, matters of health and safety should not be baby led, thats why babies need parents.
I am Australian but living in the US so our sleep consultant is in the LA area but if you were interested you could always skype with her. Of course you would want to consult with your pediatrician first.
I'm so sorry your experiencing this. I know how hard it is! I hope you find some way to get some rest soon!
Personally I would start with getting a sleep consultant out or going to one. It sounds to me like you don't have a good sleep routine and maybe Bub is just exhausted all the time. Once you get your sleep sorted and if the problems continue, I would then go on and ask for a referral to a paediatrician. Could be that Bub is catnapping too much through out the day instead of having 2-3 solid sleeps.