Our Son.

(Not a question. Just getting this off my chest..)

We should have been laying here now.. the three of us. Talking shit and acting crazy. Loving him and loving each other. Holding hands, our boy in our arms or lying in each other's with him sleeping nearby.. Feeling safe. Feeling secure. Feeling loved and wanted and accepted wholly and completely. The way it felt before the truth came out. Before you shattered my dreams, wore me down and ruined every part of the life we'd spent our days creating. Before you broke every promise you'd made to me and to him. Before you "renounced" us. Before he was even born.

You think I don't but I know the truth; it all makes its way back to me, even though I've not seen your face or heard your voice in months. It speaks volumes and I realise we're better off, you've done us a favour.. but I can't help but feel the loss every time I see his face. So much of him is you and it breaks my heart that you've ripped away a massive part of the love he should grow up surrounded by. From you, his grandparents, his uncle, his other (half) siblings. He deserved those people to be around for him, to love him, to teach him, to support him. I wouldn't change him for the world but hindsight is a beautiful, cruel thing.. I shouldn't have ignored the warning signs about you - the people who tried to warn me. But I loved you. As you were. I supported you. Fought for you. I would have done anything and everything in my power to make you happy, to help you get through it all and just generally be by your side. Just as I now do, and will always do, for 'our' son.

You don't ever need to worry if we ever cross your mind. He is safe here. He is wanted. He is perfect in every way and he is loved enough by me for the both of us.