Hi Village, last year my Mum (64) was diagnosed with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. She has lost a lot of weight and finds difficulty in simple tasks. She's in the hospital at the minute, my sister found her unresponsive, she had a severe lung infection.
My daughter (8 years old) loves her Grandmother so much, she is your typical Nana, she cuddles, spoils and loves sleep overs. She has contributed massively to my working life by free daycare.
Do I need to mention that Nanny isn't going to get better? How do I prepare my child? Do I need to? I've made the decision to take her to the hospital today, Mum will love it. She doesn't look too scary and is in a normal ward...
Opinions please
4 Replies
Yes, you need to start preparing your daughter. You need to tell your daughter that nanny is very sick, and won't be getting better.
After the visit you can have a talk about what that means, you will need to tell her that her nana will unfortunately die (sorry to be blunt, but I think it's important to be honest in these situations). Don't use terms like 'pass away' or 'go to sleep' it can be really confusing for kids. I've heard of kids being terrified of going to sleep in case they don't wake up and pass away is quite vague for some children.
You can tell your daughter that nana will live on in our hearts etc.
8 year old children usually have some concept of death and I imagine she has overheard more conversations about your mum being sick than your realise, but she deserves to know and have a chance to prepare herself.
I think you should tell her, chances are that she will figure it out anyways. Maybe let her visit your mum and then explain it when you get home, so she doesn't go in with that mindset. Just tell her how nanny is unwell and sometimes that happens to people, especially as they get older. Over time she is going to start feeling yuckier and one day she won't be here anymore.
Massive hugs to you for what you are going through.
Be honest. Allow their wonderful connection to continue, regardless of the setting or circumstances.
My 2 yo had cancer. Do not underestimate children and their ability to cope (better than most adults) so long as they feel included and validated. Illness and death is a natural part of life, don't make it scary for her. And even if sick people 'look' different, it's a wonderful lesson (I learnt in a children's cancer ward) that they are still the same person on the inside.
This breaks my friggen heart 😪 my poppy died at that age of PF it nearly killed me I was 11 and he was one of the loves of my life (next to dad) not a day goes by I don't think of him he was my best friend. Word of advice LET HER GO TO THE FUNERAL! Please let her say goodbye and be honest with her if she's dying prepare her, My parents knew and didn't tell me till it was too late, they didn't let me talk to him and they left me at home while they went to the funeral I hated them for months. It ripped me apart. Tell her the truth it will be traumatic but don't hold it from her