I'm so embarrassed.
I'm 16 weeks pregnant with my second and had my first midwife appointment. I'm doing shared care and had no issues 5 years ago when I had my son. So at the appointment, I was basically told I was too fat for shared care because of my BMI.
I know I'm big. I know! But...Up until I was 6w pregnant (that's when ms kicked in and made me really ill), I was working out hard core at a studio 4+ days a week, including with a personal trainer. I was deadlifting 60kgs+. I was toning up! I was watching my diet but I was still close to 96.5kgs. I'm down to 91kgs now just because I can't stomach much apart from some cheese, pumpernickel bread, apples and capsicum. I'm trying so hard and feel like such a failure. I'm now able to get back to the gym (but with modified workouts by my trainer).
I'm so embarrassed by how people must see me. I'm trying so hard but people automatically assume I'm a fat slob. This type of judgement just makes everything so much harder. I'm dreading how I'm going to be made to feel if I even put on 1kg.
EDIT: my blood results, BP, all other tests were perfect. No complications with previous pregnancy, no gestational diabetes, no family history other than living to late 90s. Nothing. Zero. Zilch.
10 Replies
Firstly, I don't think you are a fat slob!
Some people do just naturally have a higher BMI. I am one of those people. I swim 2kms twice a week, ride a bike, I work out with a trainer once a week for an hour and hit the gym 3 other times in the week. I can leg press over 300kgs. My legs are big, always have been but they are ROCK HARD.
I understand how upset you are, but time to put it all in perspective. BMI is one of many numbers. The midwife and doctors are doing what they have to do, to cover there butts. Unfortunately it's one of the guidelines they just have to follow because of percentages.
Rest assured there are many professional athletes who would be told the same thing, because of they would have a high BMI.
Screw what people think of you!
Being fat doesn't automatically make someone unhealthy, and it definitely doesn't make someone lazy or a slob.
Just like being skinny doesn't automatically make someone healthy and fit.
Eat healthy and exercise regularly, but forget about what the numbers on the scale have to say.
Put effort into making yourself healthy, not skinny, and learn to love the incredible body of yours that is currently growing a human being.
WoW your midwife sounds like a bitch. I'm 5' 6" and I weight 104.6 kilos. Before I went through IVF and got pregnant I had managed to get myself down to 95kilos. From 102kgs. My current BMI is 38 yeah I know not ideal but I've always been on the heavier side no matter how much exercise I did or how healthy I ate. With my last 3 pregnancies I lost 30kilos and was so sick, I barely ate. I could only stomach roasted chicken flesh, lettuce, tortillas and a little bit of mayo and cheese for the whole nine months and that was very rarely. I ate barely anything and was always hooked up to drips filled with nutrients. This pregnancy though I've been able to eat and I'm healthy and not vomiting every few minutes. I can sleep through the night and I can look after my other 3 kids which was a challenge for any other pregnancy I had. My doctor has told me to keep my BMI under 40 and that's the only way I can stay in town and deliver my baby safely. I am doing just that. They know I already know I'm on the larger size but if I wasn't on the larger size with my previous pregnancies I would have become seriously underweight and died from malnutrition.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is don't let them get to you and not to ignore what they say but to do your best for you and your baby. I exercise regularly and eat for one/not two. But I'm not going to starve myself or exercise stupidly and put my baby at risk for anyone especially when I just spent $12,000.00 on getting pregnant.
Enjoy your pregnancy and remember breast feeding will help you shed some kilos as long as you're not sitting there snacking on chips and lollies and drinking stupid amounts of soft drink.
Congrats on the pregnancy! But how awful for the situation you are in. Just remember that your midwife is only doing things by the book, so she isn't doing it to judge you or belittle you. She is just following protocol. I feel for you though, not being able to follow through with the experience you are hoping for is not fair :(
It hurts, doesn't it 😞
I was only just 'allowed' to stay in my Know your midwife program as long as I didn't raise my bmi too much higher.
It made me feel like a naughty school kid being scolded by a teacher!
Just know that all these numbers are just coming from a medical standpoint, yours and babies best interests are the main priority but some midwives/nurses have the sensitivity of a blunt axe. They don't see all the effort you put in to your lifestyle and diet to be healthy.
You're doing great mama, try not to stress too much about weight gain and just enjoy your pregnancy. Good luck xx
I would of been devastated!
When I had both my babies I was in shared care and I was 140kg! So my BMI was 40+ not sure when they changed the rules but that sucks. Both my kids were born perfect and little complications. None due to my weight that's for sure.
As for BMI. I hate it, it's NOT accurate for everyone. After I lost 65kg I was still not into the "normal" range I made myself very sick to finally get in it and then the dr told me to gain a bit because BMI is just a number. It doesn't take into account I have what's probably 6+kg of skin hanging off my body after the loss.
Good luck with your pregnancy, try not to let this stress you too much x
Don't feel too bad. I hate being pregnant for this reason. I have more weight on you. It goes up and down but I only seem to fall pregnant at a certain weight. Keep up your healthy lifestyle and just go with the flow. My first was with shared care and the emphasis on my weight was huge. Through an OB it was completely different.
I felt terrible too after my first hospital appointment with my 5th baby! I weighed more than you and was considered borderline, just over, for midwife care. The midwife made me feel terrible with her talk of weight and weight gain. Coupled with my age they weren't meant to let me on the midwife programme. The head midwife and the obstitrition gave me the ok. All my appointments after that were totally fine and no one else have me a hard time for my weight and even questioned if I gained enough, although I was spot on for the recommended weight gain. Just do your best to look after yourself and don't let this get you down too much xx
They're not judging you, they just have to go by the hospital guidelines to avoid any possible litigation down the track. Please don't concern yourself with it. All that matters is that you and baby are healthy. When I had my son I was 140kg and was too big for shared care or a water birth but had amazing support by the midwives and had a perfect delivery. :-)
I don't know anything about shared care, I had an OB and went private with my kids. He never once weighed me or asked about my weight. I was clearly overweight - 90 odd kgs with my first. 100 kgs with my second. I put on about 15 kgs each pregnancy, no gestational diabetes, my babies were 7lb and 8lb. I lost all the weight after my first, and a bit more as I got sick when my bub was about 9 months old, then had to go on meds which made me put on weight.
Don't worry about people judging you, it's nobody else's business. How much did you weigh with your first baby? Have you put on much since then? If not, maybe you could use your history as an example?