Feeling the lowest of low. 5 weeks ago i moved my family interstate. We were so isolated where we were living and a good job opportunity came up for me.
My kids are 5 and 2 and I feel like my 5 year old hates me. We booked a pre school and I went to meet with them just before the holidays and got really bad vibes from the teacher who was not wanting him to actually start amongst other things. I rang around and got a spot in another kinder with a lovely teacher and changed him. We did visit and everything but for the last week he cries saying he wants the first kinder because it has a tree house. This goes on for hours. Today was his first day and he seemed to enjoy it but again tonight crying and saying he wants the other kinder.
I feel like the worst mother ever!! I feel like I have stuffed everything up.
We have had to live with my in laws because we are having so much trouble getting a rental. My kids have no home and are not allowed to be themselves. I have hardly slept in 5 weeks due to the bed and stress. I can't stand my in laws and feel so unwelcome.
I just feel like giving up. My husband is an asshole and provides no help or support. I need him to take on some of the responsibility because I am working full time and he is not but he just has no idea.
I just feel like tonight was the last straw for me and I can't keep going. My job is good and it pays more and there are better opportunities here but I feel like I have wrecked everything and we are homeless.
I won't even go into the issues with the MIL but it's bad and she has never liked me.
Part of me just wants to disappear. I don't know what to do and all I can do is cry..
8 Replies
You're absolutely not the worst mum, most of what you're going through is temporary (I know that's not a lot of comfort right now).
Your son will adjust to his new kinder.
You won't be with your in laws for ever.
Things will all start falling into place but you're right, hubby needs to step up a bit. You need to tell him very specifically what you need from him, if he still can't or won't help you then I think some counseling would be a good idea.
Tell your son you will put him on the waiitng list but it might take a long time, like even a year. That might help him feel heard and also get settled in where he is.
Sounds like your biggest peoblem is your husband. Youre carrying so much stress, a move is hugely stressful, when he makes you feel shit, dont forget how much he isnt doing! And criticizing you too.
Have a look at caravan parks in the area and get yourself and the kids a cabin. Personally i would leave hubby at his mums.
I personally think that telling her son he's on a waiting list will be counter productive, it may give him false hope of going back and prevent him from developing friendships because he thinks he won't be staying permanently. Learning how to cope with and adapt to change is a valuable skill for children to learn.
I agree with getting out of mother in laws house asap though, I wouldn't stay anywhere I felt unwelcome.
Definitely not in a wait for it way, but its also good for kids to feel heard. Ive heard you, I will try to help you, but its not possible right now. That also helps them.
Orrrrrr you simply tell him the truth? You tell him that you agree that the other kinder 'looked' better, but this kinder 'feels' right, and to trust mummy
Get out of the house as often as possible with hubby. Try to unite together. Is there a caravan park with self contained cabins, you can either move into or just take a little break for a weekend?
Trust your instincts with kinder. The other teacher might not even let the kids use the treehouse!?! Your kids will settle if you do. Know this shittiness has an end date. Give off a calm assuredness around your kids, be confident in your choices. You are doing everything you possibly can, oh and it sounds like you might be better off leaving the man-baby home with his mumma, while you and the kids move into your new pad??? Everything happens for a reason my friend....
Your not the worst mum by very very far.
I started my son at a preschool and I could tell he was loving it he went two days and I changed him.
There were issues I felt were non negotiable. Like cleanliness, interaction with teachers etc
So I changed him. You have to be comfortable that you are dropping your son of to a safe nurturing place.
Your son will come around and learn to be more resilient.
Sending you really big hugs from Melbourne. I am so sorry you are going through this! Each of these changes is massive, so no wonder you are stressed. Your son will get used to the kinder. Imagine if you brought him to the first one and had a horrible teacher? You did the right thing. It will get better. Until then, what can you do to get support for you? Can you ask for help? Talk to friends? Get a mental health plan and find a counsellor? Really, take care of you. Anyone would find it hard. You haven't done anything wrong is just heaps of change and it's hard to put up with Mil till you get a house. Just keep focused on the house hunting and settling in and be gentle on yourself. Xx