A bit of a back story...my partner and i have been together for almost 4 years now. We have an amazing relationship and we both definitely see a future together. He is the man i want to marry and start a family with, he looks at me the same way. We moved to a different city for a couple of years but moved back home to his parents to help out with the family business about a year ago, and we just bought a home together......well he bought it, its not in my name at all i just live here pretty much. Which brings me to my vent/question....
This amazing man has supported me in every way for the last few years we have been together. I've only ever had 2 jobs in my life and neither of them lasted for even a year because my bosses were so horrible, i would wake up every morning freaking out about going to work, they had me in tears at work and i just could not handle it. So i left both of them. They both also were no where near my dream job either, i didn't like the work i was doing. Now the town we are in is small. It's extremely hard to find work and i NEED to earn my own money. It's not fair on my partner to have to support me like this, even if i could pay for the groceries each week! He is getting sick of it and this is the only thing we argue about. Not really the fact that i haven't got a job, but the fact that i am not trying as hard as i could because i am just so petrified that i will be successful and i will get another horrible boss and quit again and fail. I just cant help feeling this way. I have told him this and he basically just says "well you need to just get over it because we need the money" which is true. The thing that's really throwing a spanner in the works is i don't have a certain career path that i want to do. I honestly am just aching to have a baby. I feel like thats what i was born to do. However to be able to financially have a baby, i need a job which brings me back to square of of being scared of failing.
Thank you to everyone who actually read through until the end, i hope it makes some sort of sense and someone else can relate....
10 Replies
You sound like my husband, no chosen career path and when the going gets tough at work he opts to quit. EVERYONE will have days where work sucks, they don't want to go, they don't like their position, they want something different. But, you have to push through. It is life. I'd suggest getting some counselling about your anxiety and finding ways to cope, having money is so much better at the end of the day and you'll feel satisfied that you are contributing in some way. Only having 2 jobs for such a short time you don't really have much to compare to, bosses generally aren't horrible at all. I know mine is wonderful and I know many other wonderful bosses. I find the worst part is the customers I deal with, but I laugh it all off because I get to go home with funny stories about my day :)
I think you need to get some counselling for your issues. I'm sorry but life can get pretty hard and there ARE some truly horrible bosses out there. BUT - there are many, many more decent people and workplaces. It would be much easier now to establish a pathway/career now (and continue with it), rather than waiting and hoping you fall pregnant because it will be much harder for you to get back into workforce if you are planning on being a SAHM.
Extra income is so necessary these days and you would also want to have a healthy superannuation balance for when you retire. You need to focus on what your passions are, where you see yourself in 10-15 years time. If you like children, may be look for childcare education which will then open up a fair few doors for you. Your self-esteem will blossom too!
I can see where you're coming from. It would be so upsetting to be in a work place that made you feel like shit all the time and where you dread going every day but it is also a part of life...
Chances are, you'd be pretty stinking unlucky to land another arsehole boss, seriously. What if the next job you successfully get is the best thing to ever happen to you, you make amazing life long friends, love waking up in the mornings to go to work... you just don't know... it's a risk that you need to take though because life is happening... and things can't move forward in the position you're in right now.
I often worry about relationships like this. Because the main provider is always going to have a little resentment towards the one who doesn't bring an income because it's A LOT of financial stress and pressure on one person to provide for two (or more) people in this day and age.
I think some people are becoming too damn precious these days and can't handle a bit of hardship. If you next job turns out to be shit, don't quit until you find something else. Sometimes you've just gotta suck it up, honestly!!!
Other wise find a course you would like to do and aim for that. At least you can possibly get government assistance and your partner knows you're working towards something and will eventually be able to bring some money to the table too. Then he might not feel so annoyed and under pressure.
I am sorry if this comes across blunt but I know a few couples in this situation and I have a lot to say about it, lol
Clearly I don't know your full story but this is just my first thoughts on it..
Also, I'll add
Just a few months ago I was crying every day at the thought of going back to work (I was on maternity leave for a year) and thought I needed a career change. I ended up being laid off so decided to go and study, mean while I happened to see a job advertised for a job in the field I'm actually qualified in, decided to apply while I was deciding on courses and what not... got the job and have found my love for my chosen career. And I'm not going to do any course because it was the work place that was holding me back.
Thy aren't all going to be bad...
Not having a go, I am honestly curious how you have survived without a job your whole life? You must be young? Forget career paths, you have a mortgage, just get out there and take what you can for now. You can study whilst working or work your way up in a job. Maybe see a psychologist to help with your anxiety, I found during the time I was unemployed and couldn't get a job, I lost my confidence and had huge anxiety. Once I was back in the workforce, I was much better, sometimes the thought of something brings on more anxiety than the reality of actually doing it. Don't have a baby when you are this financially strapped, that can come later when you can afford it. Good luck, I know how hard it can be, just start applying and see what happens.
Also, don't buy into this dream job they are peddling to young people of today. Majority of us work to put a roof over our heads and food on the table. Hobbies are what we do that we actually like. Unless you have studied in a field, it is just the reality.
There's a huge difference between quitting and failing also. In both instances you chose to quit, failing would be getting fired (for reasons you inflicted). Definitely consider visiting a GP and figuring out a mental health plan to get your anxiety regarding working on track :)
Seriously!! Get up and get a job who gives a crap if it's the career path you want get any job you are offered to start and go from there you will soon work out what you want to do.
I think the only reason you want a baby is so you don't have to work but babies are the hardest work of all and they are a boss you can't quit.
Grow up and help your partner create a future before he leaves you for someone with some drive.
Stop being a princess!
Welcome to the real world, there's no such thing as a perfect job. Most people at some stage hated their job and wants to quit guess what they didn't! You either stick it out, try to improve it or get another job. You only ever had 2 jobs and quit them both sorry sounds like excuse to me. Your parnter is asking you to help financial and you want have a baby that's a big mistake! If you're finding it hard to make ends met now adding a baby will only make things worse.
Start studying to work in childcare if your passon now is children. Get up and do it! The first step is the hardest