My Mum just sent me a message telling me that she's worried about how my kids will be treated when my third Bub is born because after my daughter was born I locked myself in a room and rang her terrified asking her to pick me up because I was so scared of my husband. She told me she was on her way to get me then I rang her before she got here saying hubby said he would never do it again so she didn't come. I never told her what he had done?
1. I don't remember any of this
2. I have never been scared of my husband
3. If this was true, why didn't she call the police or come get me regardless of what I had said.
4. Why would she say this if it wasn't true? What does she have to gain by lying?
I'm so confused! I know I've never been scared of my husband. I'm confused about this and why she'd lie? What if it really did happen and I just don't remember? I would never stay with anyone that I was that scared of! Why has she only just mentioned this after 8 years. I feel like I'm going crazy. Either she's lying or I'm forgetting a huge part of my life.
I don't even know what I'm asking? I'm just venting I guess?
14 Replies
How old is your mum? Is it possible she is confused? Do you have sisters? My mum confuses things that have happened to my sisters with me.
Yikes!
I'm fairly sure you'd remember a moment that significant unless you were in a really dark place mental health wise.
This is a really weird thing for your mum to lie about, it sounds like she really believes it happened (I'm not saying it did - just that she really thinks it happened).
Have you actually said to her 'mum that never happened' to see how she reacts? Is she OK health wise ATM?
How bizarre...
I think I'd be more likely to trust my own memory than hers.
That said, it is not uncommon for us to 'blank out' moments of extreme stress. It's kind of our mind's way of protecting itself but it is very odd going that long without it being mentioned again.
My mother in law confuses events with her kids a lot. She'll think something happened with my partner when it was actually one of her other sons. So hopefully just something like that, maybe?
This is so strange.
I think if it did happen, there would be other warning signs? Like if your partner is violent or an angry person or you were afraid of him... but it generally sounds like this isn't the case...
I'm really confused too... maybe your mum is lying but I couldn't even begin to imagine why...
Interesting that she wrote the whole thing out, did you have to ask her to elaborate or did she just give you the whole story in writing. Firstly make sure you also put in writing that this did not happen. Not that you dont remember. Who knows what shes playing at.
Then, yes look into it. It could be a muddled memory or a mixed up story, or you could have forgotten it or erased it, especially if it was a rough time and it was settled quickly and didnt turn into anything huge for you.
Thanks guys! OP here
I don't have a sister only a single, younger brother. I was thinking that maybe she mixed me up with someone else too but it's a pretty huge mistake. My Mum is in her early 60's and isn't usually confused.
I told her it never happened and now she wants nothing to do with me because I don't believe her.
My husband has never been violent towards me or anyone else.
I was hypnotised only a few months ago to bring up past traumas and nothing like this came up. I don't believe it's something I'd ever forget either if it did happen.
I truly don't understand and I'm heartbroken that she's saying these things so out of the blue. She's someone I could always talk to and trust and now I feel like I have no one 😢
I really appreciate all your comments xxx
I think theres a very good chance that this has happened for both of you the way you are both saying.
Youve sent something that wasnt big to you, so of course you dont remember it. She has read it or interpreted it very differently and had panic. With you not even realising. Shes then watched you 'ignore it' afterwards (of course) and now deny it.
I think if shes not normally confused, then you need to hear her out on her side before you lose the whole relationship.
Oh hun, this must be so hard for you.
I'm studying aged care at the moment and even though your mum is still considerably young, I would be a little concerned about her cognitive function at the moment. (Is there any history of dementia or Alzehimers in your family? The symptoms of these problems can sometimes manifest out of the blue)
It's not uncommon for people to get angry or annoyed when their loved ones don't believe them because it adds to any confusion they may already be keeping to them selves. It can be really frightening.
Hopefully your mum comes around and you guys can talk about it.
I wish you all the best Xx
This happened to me. My mum had severe depression with psychotic symptoms which presented in paranoid delusions about me and my pregnancy. That my husband would leave me and I would be homeless and a whole lot of other things.
This is most likely a mental health issue for your mum and she needs help. Are there any of her friends who you can trust to encourage her to get help, if she won't speak to you?
It's taken a long long time, but my mum is medicated and much better now. Hang in there. You can only do what you can do.
This happened to me. My mum had severe depression with psychotic symptoms which presented in paranoid delusions about me and my pregnancy. That my husband would leave me and I would be homeless and a whole lot of other things.
This is most likely a mental health issue for your mum and she needs help immediately. It's so hard to deal with, but you must try to get her help. You could start with a call to Lifeline 13 11 14 and they can talk to you about options for getting her treatment. Or take her to a GP or hospital for assessment, although this can be hard to do if your pregnant and have other kids! Get hubby to help. Does she have any friends or partner of her own you can get to help?
Silly question- but why don't you just ask your husband? If things are solid with you guys there's nothing to worry about x
OP again
I did tell my husband and he's just as confused as I am about it all.
My Mum is actually currently caring for my grandmother who has alzheimers. She also has a history of depression and anxiety.
Can someone please explain to me what gaslighting is?
Basically, gaslighting is a person who does or says crazy things but makes you feel like your the crazy one (it can be much more complex than that but that's the general gist).
I really don't think she's gaslighting you though, I think there's definitely something going on mental health wise or perhaps a cognitive issue.
This story sounds exactly like my grandad at the beginning of his Alzheimer diagnosis - 17 years before he passed :(. Just some random/strange things here or there would be said every few months or so, finding tools in cupboards for fear they were being stolen and he would get quite angry or cut off those that didn't believe the random stuff or suggested he look further into it. After a year or so (it was a while ago) his cognitive functioning deteriorated quicky once his licence was revoked.... The reason I'm telling you is if she has never displayed this behaviour before towards you, I highly doubt she is 'gas lighting' you and the fact she is caring for your grandma with Alzheimer's rings alarm bells for me (not necessarily that but possibly cognitive decline of some sort?). I really hope she sees a Dr but it will be very difficult to convince her as by the sounds of it she may not take kindly to your advice (sadly those closest are usually frightened that what is said is true and cut off as they don't want to believe there is something they need help with). Can you ask someone to discreetly check on her and plant some seeds to see a Dr? This is only my opinion and may be way off the mark, but I feel so sad for you. I hope it turns out just a strange misunderstanding and like another post said, may be you can contact lifeline to discuss if you are distressed about her response to you (and also you could let the nurses know you previously suffered PND and they can make sure it's noted to check how you feel after you take Bub home) as that was my experience and they were wonderful.
Please take care either way.