So i mostly need to just share with someone anyone everyone! i am expecting baby no.5 currently about 10 weeks at best guess and hiding this from everyone partner family friends not even my doctor knows! So many reasons why but it was not planned i was on the pill. Taking precuations. I did want another child but my husband is absolutely adamantly against having another child i have hoped he would agree eventually but did not would not deliberately fall pregnant against his wishes. My youngest Will be about 2.5 when this baby is due. I know that personally due to my age 37 i had decided that if not convinced husband by end of year then i would resign myself. I pretty much had given up hope really of convincing him to agree. And now its happened i am in a panic as to how he will react same with my family. I know how much strain this will put on our family we already are living in cramped house and can not get loan for renovations as was my hope. I have/ had considered abortion but i personally could not deal with the emotions from that. I have pretty mild pregnancies no one suspects as yet im overweight and know from experiance i can hide at least till 18 weeks have done so from work not family. But its getting to me i normaly have all the scans 13 weeks and the 18 weeks but with out going to doctor a bit hard to do these. And would feel bad to not have husband see them. I plan to just plead ignorance untill i cant anymore. I guess my questions are has anyone done this with sucsess? Can i go get dating scan so at least i know for sure or will that knowledge be past on at future scans ( ie. Baby growing nicely since last scan) equals busted.! Should i just give in and tell? Any advice is welcome but seriously hormonal women dont need negative comments.
16 Replies
Do not do it!!!!
Could you imagine how betrayed you'd feel if your husband kept such a huge secret?
Sure he might not be happy but he deserves ALL the time to get used to the idea and prepare himself emotionally..
Plus if you kept this secret from me, I'd also wonder what else you are hiding, like Deliberately trying to get pregnant against his wishes.
Give in and tell now.
I feel like this is a really really bad idea. And could cause so many problems within your relationship. Remember that no one can tell you what to do with your body so even if he was to pressure for an abortion, the decision is ultimately yours and you don't have to do it.
You can still say you're only just finding out now... but don't leave it any longer... the longer you leave it the worse it could become.
Your husband could likely come around to the idea... more then likely will come around to the idea... and it's so important that he gets this time to mentally prepare too and it's such an important thing for you to both go along to scans and do the things together. You want to do all that stuff together, that's what he is here for.
Tell. Tell him how scared you are, tell him it was an accident, tell him you love him. In the big scheme of things if he was that adamant he wasn't having more kids he would have had the snip, or been abstinent. We're all grown ups here, we know how babies are made and after 4 he should know better than most. My one and only was conceived while I was on the pill. I was the one that decided there would be no more so I was the one that took charge of making sure that didn't happen. Even if he is cranky at first, he did nothing to avoid this so he doesn't have any high ground.
You need to tell your husband, he will resent you so much for not even giving him a choice to discuss all of the options available to both of you.
Only responsible and respectable thing to do is tell him and tell him ASAP because he will clearly need time to come around to the idea. You need to give him that. Dishonesty is never a good option.
You need to tell your husband!
This is how shows "I didn't know I was pregnant" get created. If you didn't purposely fall preganant, tell him and then tell him you are not willing to have an abortion and that if he really didn't want to have another baby he would have also sorted contraception out on his end ie a vasectomy! This is not something you hide from your partner! Just don't relationships have ended for less. Tell him the truth and then go and see a damn doctor and get yourself checked out.
You need to get your head straight love.
Keeping this kind of secret from your partner is selfish, he deserves to know so he has as much time as possible to get his head around the idea and you shouldn't have to deal with all this on your own because you didn't get into this situation on your own. You're expecting baby number 5, you are going to need as much support as possible.
Book yourself into your doctor ASAP, stop putting off your prenatal care. Your doctor is not there to judge you!
I think youre far enough along now that its time to tell him. Go to the doctor, get e test, book in the scan and go home and tell him what youve just found out.
Dont keep it until 18 weeks thats a betrayal to him and a risk to yourself and baby. Dont miss out on healthcare and scans when you will have to tell him and let him make his choices about it sooner or later. The pregnancy is one thing and he might be shocked but he is equally responsible. The deception is another though and if that goes on too lpng could cause you real problems. Take care and congratulations.
As someone who has just found out they are pregnant at the halfway point, with less than zero symptoms, so I can't even pretend to plead ignorance, you are the shittest of the shit. I feel worst for this baby. God forbid there be something wrong with it.
If I had my time again, I wouldn't have told my husband about my third pregnancy. He'd refused to get a vasectomy. Condom broke. He pushed me into getting an abortion and I regret it and cry about it every damn day. It's an awful situation the OP is in, and if her husband was that adamant about no more kids, he needed to go and have the snip. OP, you can get antenatal care without telling your husband.
You are pathetic. I'm sorry but pull up your big girl panties and be your own person. No one made you do anything. I'm pro choice and decided to abort my possible 4th at 5 weeks but had my 9th miscarriage instead, super grateful. If you can't be your own woman and are still with the man who forced you to abort against your wishes who the fuck are you to judge anyone else? Its his fault she fell pregnant? why didnt she get her tubes tied or abstain??? Fuck off!
I think this will wreck your marriage either way.
So are you waiting till later to tell him so you're past the date for termination?
I think you need to be prepared to be a single mum
Tell now!
It won't make a difference if you tell now or not you have decided to go through with it so may as well confess and give him as much time as possible to go come to terms with it.
You can get a dating scan from the places that do 3D ultrasounds and they won't pass any info on but you will need to pay for it no need for referral etc. they will also guess the gender at 15 weeks.
Our fifth baby was a surprise, but never ever would I have considered keeping it from my husband! You need some support, unless of course...it's not his? That would be one reason why you might want to hide it? Tell him now..keeping it from him is not the way to do this. Good luck
Everyone has said what I'm thinking ... we'd decided no more then got a surprise I told hubby right away and were able to work it out together . Marriage and parenting is a partnership not a do it my way not yours thing ... he will need time to process this just as you've had some time already .
Tell him you've realized you haven't had a period and your scared and can he go to the dr with you ... go to the dr together and get them to do a test while ur both there and hear the news together ! Do it now and do it soon !!! Get a dating scan booked from there as 'you can't remember when your last period was but you know it should have been in the last couple of weeks ' the longer you leave it the harder it will be to plead ignorant !! Your husband deserves to know . Good luck !!