Please go easy on me, I feel horrible for feeling this way.
Im already a Mum of 3 beautiful babies. Two big girls (8 and 4) and my youngest is 5 months old. I found out the week before last that im pregnant again, 11 weeks now. The two periods that returned were weird and I just thought they were sorting themselves out because im breastfeeding. 'Twas not the case. There is only one possible time conception could have occurred as we have always used protection. This baby beat a split condom AND a morning after pill, so it was obviously meant to be.
My issue is, I feel nothing towards it yet.
By this stage with my third baby, I had the entire nursery set up as well as brand new clothes from 0000 to 0, nappies, bath stuff, everything! We found out the sex as soon as were were allowed, with this one we're not. We dont care as long as its healthy. I thought and daydreamed about my youngest all day whilst pregnant. This one I barely think about. Im not happy, sad, excited, scared. I feel nothing.
My worries began with my job but I have discussed it with both of my bosses and they have both assured me that so long as im fit and able to continue to work I can up until im ready to go on leave. I got that conversation out of the way early because I didnt want to carry the stress or the unknown around with me at work. Once I was given the all clear, I thought I would relax and settle into the excitement, but I haven't. We're in a far better place financially. We were borrowing money from my Father towards the end of my last pregnancy because we were so broke. Now that we're both working we have paid my Father back, have zero financial stress, money for both necessities and play as well as thousands saved, holidays booked and paid for, everything we need for this baby minus nappies and an 8 seater vehicle - so why do I feel like this? Isn't that what most people stress about with a new (especially 4th) baby? The costs of expanding and upgrading due to that extra seat in the car, extra bedroom etc?
We did want another baby but wanted to start trying again at the end of next year. I dont even know what im asking. I guess I want to know if anyone else has felt this way and if their feelings changed or became positive? Im definately not sad or depressed, I just find it strange that I dont feel anything at all. I feel like a terrible Mother for feeling this way and there's no real reason why I do.
It has hit me though. I cried when my first ultrasound came back at 9 weeks. I cried all the way home (due to job worries) and thats been it since. Now before anyone suggests it, termination is not an option for me at all. I love this baby, he/she is here for a reason and is a blessing when I think of my friends who have been trying for a baby for 6 or so years to no avail. I obviously feel love, just no excitement.
Is this a normal feeling for an unplanned 4th baby?
3 Replies
I didn't bond with my baby until quite late in the pregnancy.
I think already having a 5 month old means you are still probably baby focused on the baby that's already here! Hard to be thinking and excited about doing nursery stuff etc when you still have a baby in the nursery!
I think what you are feeling is pretty natural when you've tried to prevent pregnancy, still have a young baby , and it's your 4th!
For me I genuinely don't care about the sex of the baby. It's a baby. The vagina or penis isn't that big of a deal.
I think it's different each and every time. And that we put pressure on ourselves when we compare our last pregnancy with our current one. I beat myself up about this for so long until I realised that it's a whole new experience and nothing will be the same, so to not expect those things of yourself.
It sounds like you're a busy mum at the moment! Working! With a 5 month old! And other kids!
You haven't got time to be setting up another nursery or pondering about the little cutie cooking in your tum, but trust me, you'll find time soon and I am sure that bonding will start happening in the next couple of months.
Every pregnancy is different, every baby is different! The way you conceived and found out about this pregnancy is different! Any way you feel is completely normal and ok! Give yourself some grace - things have changed suddenly and not necessarily how you originally thought it would go. Give yourself time to get used to the idea!!
I'm 29 weeks and have only set up the cot. I'm now in hospital because baby is having heart problems. I'm 4 hours from home and will not be allowed to go back until after birth. No nesting for me! My Mum & MIL will be doing it all. Not nesting doesn't mean you don't love a baby... sometimes it just means you are super busy!!