When my husband and I got together we knew that we were going to need help to conceive. We tried naturally for 3 years before finally starting IVF and we got our little miracle in our third cycle. We started trying for number 2 but failure after failure has effected my mental and physical health. My body has gone into early menopause and I barely respond to the highest dose of stimulants. We made the decision after the last failure that that was it. No more cycling. To be honest, it felt like a massive weight off my shoulders and almost immediately I mentally began to improve. I had struggled a lot and the thought of raising 2 kids sometimes sent me into a panic attack. But I'm sure if we got the opportunity to add to our family we would find a way to cope.
But I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not done. It's not fair that other people can have a whole tribe of kids and we cannot. I can't bare the thought of our daughter being an only child. It just doesn't seem fair.
I guess I'm asking how do you accept that your not going to have any more kids? When you know that your body doesn't work right anymore but you just have that yearning.
4 Replies
I stopped at one child. I carry seriously bad genes. My son copped them all. Sure I could have rolled the dice for more kids, but the financial, physical toll of even a 2nd child without the medical problems of my first probably would have been a struggle. Another child with my sons needs would have tipped me over the edge.
Despite desperately wanting more children I had to make the decision, no more.
You will grieve, I certainly did. But you can come out the other side and be very happy, fulfilled and not bitter.
I think I've realised that every family had there challenges. No family isn't touched by something. Infertility is your thing. My family is my unfair genes. My friends family is cystic fibrosis. Whatever it is eventually every family has there hard knock. We've just got ours early on.
Your daughter being an only child, that's not the horror you are thinking. Kids can grow up with loads of siblings and be very lonely, not get on etc. I know plenty of only children, my son included who have had fantastic childhoods. They are not damaged by not having siblings. No child ends up in therapy because they are an only child.
This question has been asked a few times, if you look down at other questions you can see some good responses :)
This was me not long ago, but I'm about to be divorced in a few weeks from now. We did ivf, trying, trying and trying some more for years on end. Finally accepted that I would only have the one and that was an emotional rollar coaster and a half. Sold and for rid of ALL my baby stuff. Went to the dr for other issues to find out I'm pregnant. I don't even know how to feel about it now because as difficult as it was, I'd accepted it. I feel worse off now then when I was processing the no more drama
I'm not sure how you mentally get over it honestly? Maybe try some counseling or talk to other people in your position. You're not alone though. I'm currently in the middle of having a mc from ivf pregnancy. Our third try this year and finally one embryo took and now I've mc. It's not fair.