I have no idea what to do!!!!! Over the last 4 years our lives have been chaos! We had to make the horrible decision a few years ago to terminate a pregnancy due to the baby being not being viable for life. She was over 20 weeks so I still had to labor and have a funeral for her and everything. We had another Bub last year and she is such a hard baby. I'm so grateful that I get to have her but at the same time I'm so lost. I feel like my 7yr old is getting pushed to the side because the baby is taking so much time. She won't let me put her down to do anything. She won't sleep!! Recently my husband had a very serious surgery and his recovery is a very long and painful one. Bringing us to now....baby is just crying and crying. Husband is grumpy because he feels useless and always telling me how sore he is. 7yr old trying hard but struggling with all the turmoil!! I'm constantly feeling like I'm not doing a good job as a mum because of the chaos around me. I try so hard to keep it together but I'm so cranky all the time. I've seen a psychologist and was told I have depression, severe anxiety and OCD. I felt good after I saw her but that was months ago and now I can't even find time to do anything for my own mental health because I have no choice to try and keep it together for my family but I know I'm failing at it but time really doesn't allow me to see anyone! I'm just completely drowning in my life and it's chaos. I try to think of positives everyday but then reality sets in and I'm standing with crying baby on my hip again, grumpy and sore husband by my side and my 7yr old feeling lost in it all. I just don't know what to do?!?!?!?
I'm lost in the chaos that is my life
I'm lost in the chaos that is my life
Posted in:
Mental Health, Post Natal Depression, Anxiety & Depression
3 Replies
Strap baby into a baby carrier. Go outside in the sun with your 7yo and go for a walk. Talk. Connect. Baby should be happy there, may even sleep.
Exercise in the sun is the best thing you can do at the moment. Exercise and vitamin D =endorphins.
Bonus thing, you get to spend time with BOTH your children. Quality no interruption time and hubby can rest peacefully and quietly for half an hour.
Don't get stuck in a rut. Baby needs to fit with you as much as you fit with baby. Pop 7yo into a sport? Baby will love watching.
Housework and things can wait until everyone's in bed, just do 1hr a night after everyone's alseep. Because you need some sleep too!! Baby will probs wake through the night, so strap her into a baby carrier and walk around. Baby will sleep after feeding or playing then sleep with her.
Wear baby so hands are free.
Get help for cooking/cleaning, either paid or family/friends
See your psych regularly, if you can't get out, at least find a phone counseling service, and do it weekly
Demand answers re baby issues. Your family is in crisis, you need to communicate this to the right people who can assist and support you. There should be services they can refer you to. Talk to your son's school, they can keep a close eye on him, give him extra attention, and maybe offer some suggestions or advice
We are all in the same boat. Sometimes you need to take a step back and look at all the things you have in life. You have two healthy kids. Some can't even have kids. You have a husband who is alive and needs your support at the moment but that will pass. Some people don't have partners at all and are single parenting, which is hard in itself. All families need an adjustment time when a new baby joins the family. You also said you have depression and anxiety. You have to learn to manage them. Maybe go to GP and get some meds while the times are tough. It looks like you can't afford to fall apart at the moment. You have the entire family relying on you. Think of it as it will pass, and it will. don't forget that. Go to your health nurse tell her you are not coping and see if she can link you up with some support services. It doesn't matter if your child is newborn or 1 or 2. You can still call the health nurse and they can direct you to some help. Keep in mind that there are always people worse of than you, to give you perspective in life when you are feeling like this. Just go visit the local kids hospital and it will give you perspective. Everyone in life if dealing with difficult situations. This is your difficult situation and you need to learn to manage it. Good luck. When you are feeling like you can't cope. Put your baby in a pram and go for a long walk.