Sister's Wedding. Family Drama. Part 2

First of all, thankyou for everyone's responses. I did read them all. I have spoken to my sister since I asked my original question. Some people seemed to have not read through it completely or just ignored what I wrote. So I will elaborate and answer people's questions.

Our second child, that I am still pregnant with, will most likely need to have surgery after he/she is born and will need to stay in hospital about 1-2 weeks after the surgery. Before that, he/she will need to stay in the NICU for monitoring for up to 2 weeks. So at the maximum, we are looking at our child being in hospital about a month after birth - without any complications. We are hoping that the baby will only need a couple of days in the NICU and then can come home, but we are being realistic about it. This means that our baby will be home with us about 3 weeks before my sister gets married, after surgery. So no, we will not be hiring a baby sitter, midwife, nurse, neighbours or so forth. My mother, my Husband and I are learning how to look after our child whilst he/she is still in hospital, speaking with 4 specialists and multiple nurses. Even if our child does not need surgery, he/she will still need a higher level of care compared to a normal newborn. We did look into baby sitting services but as a few people mentioned they do not take on cases like ours and we can not afford it anyway. We do not have any contact with my husbands family as they are drug abusing alcoholics who lie, cheat and steal - so for obvious reasons they are out.

My sister asked me to be a bridesmaid after I fell pregnant (and yes she knew before hand) we found out about our child's health issues at our 20 week scan - after I had been asked to be a bridesmaid. As the weeks have gone by we have had more scans, more tests and more information from the doctors and specialists. Some people have brought up the money that we have already spent on my sisters wedding - this was done before we knew our baby is sick.

For those saying we have 5 months to save for a motel room close by, we do not have the funds to do this. We are currently saving our butts off as we have to hire medical equipment for our child (3 pieces) - this is incredibly expensive. Not to mention all the doctors appointments, specialist appointments, medications and so forth that he/she will need. Not all of this is Medicare funded and we still have to have the money upfront before we can claim anything back. Not all of the medications are on the PBS either. This is through the public system too. On top of everything else a baby requires. So, yes we have looked into getting a room close by but it is not financially possible. We are a one income family. There is no way with my second child I can possibly go back to work to help with the financial cost, that burden is with my husband. He is working extra hours, 80-100 hours a week including overtime - he works 2 jobs - 18 hour days, 6 days a week on a normal week. sometimes he will work on a Sunday too, and will have to continue to do so for quite a while after the baby is born. Also, as I said in my previous post, I have been very sick this pregnancy and will need medical care after this baby is born as well.

We have already asked if my sister and brother in law could hire a room for us but they said that it is not up to them to hire out rooms for their guests, if they do it for us, then they will have to do it for everyone else because otherwise its not fair on everyone else. Its also not in their budget. They also got angry with us because again it would mean that my husband is not at their wedding.

They have said that they want the wedding to go smoothly and they don't want to be waiting around for people when its time to do photos, speeches and everything else they have planned. So the suggestion of someone ducking off to look after the kids horrified them. They are not listening to anyone who says this is unrealistic. I told them that having a newborn, i will be needing to breastfeed every 2-3 hours. My brother in law stormed off at this point in the conversation and said i was over exaggerating. No they don't have kids. We have now even been accused of trying to sabotage their wedding and are deliberately turning people against them - this is not true. All we are doing is what is best for our kids.

I told my sister on Friday that my newborn will have to come to the wedding or we as a family wont be there. That we have exhausted all our options and there is no way I can be away from my breastfed, sick baby for the amount of time they are asking. I showed her the comments from my original post (both on-line and Facebook ones) She is still adamant that no kids are allowed. So I have pulled out of the wedding. Cancelled my bridesmaids dress, cancelled my son's clothing and told my family. I'm hurt and she is too. We are now not speaking. They told my mother that as long as we are around they will not come to any event. Including Christmas - which is a huge deal in my family. Almost all my family agree with myself and my hubby, but are trying to stay out of it to keep the peace. My mum has organised a meeting between us to try and work this out, but my brother in law is trying to stop my sister from coming to speak to me.