Hi IMs,
My husband is in remission from cancer. It has an extremely high likelihood of coming back in the next 5-10 years, and his life expectancy is 10-15 years.
We have children, but I would really like 1 more. Is this incredibly selfish? To bring another child into the world, knowing that their father won't be around for the long term? I am in good health, have a high income, and a lot of family support. I can't work out if my desire for another bubba is clouding my judgement.
8 Replies
I don't think it is selfish at all.
Yep. You have come across thinking about yourself i have i am, but what about how your husband feels or would feel? What about how the child would feel losing there father at a young age. I think you need to make the most of what you have now and not what you dont have.
I wouldn't, I imagine it would bring out a lot of devastating feelings for your husband, throughout the pregnancy and birth. It would probably be heart breaking for him, I couldn't imagine being pregnant then delivering a baby, knowing I wouldn't see it grow up, it would probably be no different for him. I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are going through, sending you love at this extremely difficult time. I would focus on what I had at the moment.
I don't think it's selfish. While I think your husband does need to be 100% on board, it's not selfish for you to want another baby that you've always wanted. You weren't finished having kids before he was diagnosed with cancer were you? Probably not!! So I don't see why your needs/wants all of a sudden don't matter because he has cancer.
Stop thinking of yourself as selfish because as hard as this might sound, you're still going to have to live a long life once he is gone, and you need to be happy.
I'd talk to him about it and make sure he is happy to have another one and so long as he is happy, go for it. ❤️
Chances are, he is going to want to do whatever makes you happiest in the long run.
All the best. ❤️
Wowsers I didnt think anybody would say dont do it! You got extra time. Dont waste it! None of us are promised the next ten years, all we can do is live our best life and make sure our kids are loved and know they are while we're here.
I don't think it's selfish at all, cancer is cruel and I am so sorry you all have to deal with this.
I do think there are a lot of what ifs to think about though, I'm mean you could potentially be having to care for a newborn, 2 kids and a very sick husband simultaneously, not to mention keeping the household running and earning an income. That's a big load on your shoulders even with a good support system. But, on the other hand your hubby might exceed his life expectancy and another child may bring you all the world of happiness, who really knows?
I don't really like to tell people what they should do (especially in such difficult circumstances) so I will tell you what I would do.
I think if I were in this situation i would consider the worst case scenario and ask myself if I could handle a baby on top of everything else. I would take into consideration if it's even fair (to everyone involved but particularly my children and husband) to bring a child into this even if I thought I'd manage. I would try and see it all as realistically as I could to make the best decision for my family.
You've got a long hard road ahead of you either way by the sounds and I wish you all the very best.
I have 2 kids, I'd really like 2 more but can't due to medical issues. Well I could if I really tried but it could be dangerous for me to. I have come to terms with only having 2. I think in time you will come to terms with it as well if you decide not to. Just like people who only have sons or only have daughters but long for the other, eventually they move on and don't really think about it anymore because they're just focused on the kids and life they do have.
It is your decision but don't think you'll necessarily forever be longing for that baby...eventually a lot of people do move on from thoughts like that. What does your husband want?