I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I’m about to. I absolutely hate being a mum. There’s no way to sugar coat it. I don’t get any help with the kids as my partner works 16 hours a day and is basically asleep/too tired all weekend. I’m actually lucky if I get one hour a week 100% to myself. I do have a casual job, I work 1-2 days a week. I feel like I’m the only person out there who feels like how I feel. I’m broke, so extra curricular activities are out of the question and I’ve given up on a social life as I live out of town and most days I don’t have access to a vehicle so I just stay at home with the kids. In the 18 months I’ve been at this house, I’ve had one friend visit. Even if someone asked me to go out for a drink, I have to make an excuse why I can’t go cause I simply cannot afford it. It’s been well over a year since my last haircut even. It’s gotten to the point now I’m so worn out my 3yo asks me questions and I blatantly ignore him because I’m just so sick of him. Don’t get me wrong the kids are fed and clothed and get loads of cuddles but I feel like I’m failing them because I’m sure they can pick up that I’ve just had enough. Closest useful family is 4 hours away. I used to work full time but the cost of childcare was more than my wage so I had to quit, and I actually resent my children for that. I’ve told my partner it’s to the point where I want to actually leave, not him but I want to leave the kids. Surely I cannot be the only person out there that hates motherhood? I don’t even know how to move forward.
6 Replies
Its So. Fucking. Hard. To do it alone. I know you love them but you need help. Start taking baby steps to get your life back. 1. Social life. Even if its a girlfriendand a coffee or wine at home. 2. Work. Maybe try for part time or look at fdc for the kids one day a week thats more affordable and you need a break. Time to be an adult and recharge so youcan enjoy them. Its not fair to either of you to continue this way.
Oh Love 😞
I'm so sorry you are having such a shit time.
You sound like you need some serious support, I also think you need to get some professional help to get your mental health addressed.
You're lonely, you're isolated, you're in a pretty dire financial position, you're overwhelmed. I'm really not surprised that you're feeling resentful.
I think going forward you need some counselling first of all.
Call up an old friend and tell them you're having a tough time and need someone to talk to, reach out to family, just let someone in - no one will know how much you're hurting if you don't tell them!
I think you need to start expecting more from your partner, you're not coping on your own. He needs to put his big boy pants on and step up! So he works 16 hours a day, maybe he needs to but back his hours so you can work too or some other arrangement that means you're not stuck at home doing everything 24/7.
You both should also see a financial planner or a budgeting specialist (often the first consultation is free).
Lastly, please don't think that your kids don't need you. They need you more than you could possibly imagine, they love you!
Please take care and get some help, you don't deserve to be hurting like this. I promise you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel - you've just gotta find the strength to keep going til you see it. Don't give up 💜💜💜
Some free activities:
- story time at library
- park (take a packed lunch)
- going to watch the trains
- a cheap option, go on the trains for the day!
Contact your local council as they run heaps of free activities and so many other women are in the same situation. Start socialising via your children, talk to other parents and plan to meet the same time next week :)
A lot of women hate motherhood they just won’t admit it, makes them look bad. I personally hated being a SAHM it was only for a short time, I work part-time and my child is four now and finally I am starting to enjoy it more. Get a journal out and write down all your options and do some research on how you can make life easier for you. What help is available? Will you ask for help? What transport is available? Can your partner cut down the hours to help out more and you go back to work full time? Can your partner take a few days off to help, so you can rest? He can take the kids out most the day. There are many ways to work around your situation even if you have to move, however it may take baby steps. Can you find a way for someone to look after children or budget more to have an extra day for them in day care?
Yep, I hear ya! Being a mum is pretty sucky most of the time. Kids don't actually give you a lot of joy, or fulfilment, its just damn intrusive & hard work, and guesswork a lot of the time too! Especially when you don't have a reliable, conscientious, committed partner/father for them who pulls his weight together with you and supports you & is involved with the kids hands-on himself! Yep if i knew the level of frustration, heartache, insecurity & self-doubt, tiredness, tears, negatives etc etc that came with being a mum, I would not do it & enjoy my life & goals & freedom instead!!
No your not alone. I feel the same. I am so fucking exhausted. I'm always around kids. I get no help or support either. It's fucking bullshit.