My six year olds behaviour is coming totally out of control.
We had requested referrals to a paediatrician when she was 3 years old because of her extreme behaviour and wicked and naughty nature and it has taken us 2 years to get the first appointment. She has been under review for ASD SPD ADHD ADD etc since January 2016. I have only just received my first appointment with an occupational therapist tomorrow. The paediatrician believes she is not Autistic, has stated that she may be emotionally under developed. she is now being referred for help for sensory processing. however in Australia they do not classify that as a disorder or condition and there is very little information coming my way as to what help I can receive.
She physically lashes out at me, talks to me like utter shit. When I was pregnant with my son and daughter over the last 2 years she would get so angry she would punch me hard in the belly.
I have completed the 1 2 3 magic, circle of security. I have used time out chair, reward and behavioural charts, sent her to her room, taken everything off her (toys etc), I have even tried the wooden spoon (my total last resort I hate smacking). I have even tried one on one time with her where someone else has the two youngest and her and I just do stuff together so she doesn't feel like I am ignoring her or all my time is spent on the youngest two.
She refuses to do as she is asked or told. It takes for me to lose my head and scream.
The last few months she demands and demands, even after I tell her no, I get why? I'm just gonna keep screaming until I get what I want.
she throws hard plastic toys at her brother and sister, kicks them in the head, punches them, pushes them over. One point we were driving in the car, I was pregnant with my youngest and my son was about 4 months old. He became unsettled and began screaming in the car, before I could pull out of the traffic and pull the car over, I look in the rear vision mirror to see if he was ok, and my daughter had her hand over his mouth and blocking his nose with her fingers.
everytime I try to talk to her about her behaviour she tries to brush it off with, it was just an accident, I didn't mean too. I just want them to leave me alone.
the most recent was a few days ago. I was getting her to help me do some sewing for her end of year concert. As I was putting some scraps into the bin, she grabbed hold of a room spray canister and maliciously sprayed her infant brother in the eyes with it. I say maliciously because I saw the evil look in her eyes as she grabbed it and sprayed it. I was out of arms reach and could not stop it in time. I said no, what are you doing... stop. I became quite distressed watching the foul act my 6 year old had done to her little brother.
I just don't know what I can do anymore. I am seriously beginning to hate my child.
They say your children are a reflection of your parenting but I can say that is utter bullshit, because no matter what I have been trying to do, it just is not working.
I got to the point the other day, where I reacted in a way I am not proud of and I definitely do not want to react that way ever again.
I need some help, or something at this point I don't even know what I am asking for.
15 Replies
This does not sound in any way like sensory processing.
If youre seeing a paed Im sure they know what they're talking about but theres more going on here than SPD.
Are you going public? I would suggest going private as yes it is more expensive but when this takes years to uncover, and we're talking about a childs developing years we dont have years to waste waiting.
I have had my girl through privately and its still taken years, however I have an understanding of whats going on for her & have tried so many things along the way and have joined many support groups of people in similar situations.
youre still describing behaviours, but you dont seem to have any understanding of whats driving her, I wouls suggest thats what you need to prioritise & Im not even talking a diagnosis just a paed or psych explaining her personality and whats going on for her and whats driving the key behaviours for her.
We also go private for all specialist appointments our kids need. Yes, the cost is a con but there are so many pro's that outweigh the cost. The public system is under too much pressure to function effectively and it's the patients who lose. Unfortunately some families just are not in a position to pay privately which really puts them in a hard spot when they need to be seen quickly and/or by a decent dr of their choosing.
I completely understand about finances. Im a broke mum going private myself. When early intervention is everything, and your baby is falling to pieces in front of your eyes & you know its beyond what you can manage, its worth finding $1000 over 2 years if you can, instead of having nothing happen, it is hard but it really is worth it.
What area are you in? And why has it taken 2 years just to get an appt with a paediatrician. This sounds extremely tough. I have a little boy with a nurological developmental disability and what you are describing is beyond a badly behaved child. It is certainly not a reflection on your parenting. You need to get support in place asap! If sensory processing is the issue, there are many strategies that can be implemented throughout her day to enable her to be able to process all the stimuli she is exposed to more effectively. This is called a sensory diet. There are also strategies that can be used to help calm a child nervous system to stop or prevent hyper-arousal and meltdowns. Such strategies include deep pressure massage, regular proprioceptive input (when the muscles and joints are working together), for some kids, vestibular input (in the inner ear- often swinging in a swing or being inverted is a strategy used to gain vestibular input) is also very calming as long as they are not already in a stage of meltdown (then it can just act to further exacerbate the circumstance when their feet are removed from the ground). There are many strategies that can help when you are able to figure out what your daughter needs and what exactly is causing this behaviour. Push for some support. The OT is a great start!!!
Also, please try and source an appropriately trained psychologist. They may have some valuable insight that could pinpoint the cause of your daughters behaviour.
To be objective we really cant say its not a reflection of parenting. . As we dont know what the situation & parenting really is, sometimes peoples self awareness is not too accurate and we all need to be open to the idea that we can change what we're doing if it will help the child. Definitely need professional help and big changes to support child and mother asap.
Well I guess you are correct. But I am giving the benefit of the doubt and hoping to give this lady support and reassurance. Chances are that this behaviour is not a reflection of parenting so I chose to accept that it probably wasn't and hopefully make this lady feel a bit less like shit than she probably already does.
I’d be going to a new peadiatrician (private) and I’d be seeing a child psychologist and I’d also ask for a referral to a child psychiatrist.
I am curious to know, how does she behave at school? Or other places outside of the home?
Me too. Also has she been through trauma? Moving, big changes, dv or even bickering, seperation, loss, she sounds like a very angry child. anger comes from fear/ insecurity. The pead will normally ask about everything, history, medical, family history, development, school, friendships, and piece it all together.
Get to a private psychologist ASAP, doesn't sound like any of the conditions you listed, sounds like something else. Early intervention is key in most things and she has gone untreated for way too long, please get her the help she needs.
I have no advice for you but I understand how you feel as I could have written this. Stay strong mumma. Hopefully well get rhe answers we need one day.
Thank you everyone. In my appointment with the OT I told her everything I have written above. She immediately went out and got the child psychologist. We start sessions next Tuesday.
Thank you for all of your advice very much appreciated.
We are in WA and have been going through the public system. We moved 1800km from our home to be closer to better medical facilities than the small town we were living in offered.
I feel you so much. I have a very difficult child do. Also in WA and also had a two year wait to get into developmental paed, 15 months for OT and about a year for psych. we now have a 9 - 12 month wait for an ASD assessment.
I really hope that you find some answers soon and I know your at your wits end but please please try hard not to label your little girl as evil, even if you don't say it to her she will feel that from you and it won't help her.
I’m a mother of 2 children that have now grown up and I totally feel your desperation! A single mother for most of their life it’s quite challenging to know how to parent them as individuals and give each one the attention they need, especially when one is out of control. Wondering if you have looked at diet and allergies also? Could she be allergic to something that is causing such irritation and aggression. I know that this is simple but sometimes it can be. Not all the time but sometimes. Also, an amazing book to read is Grooming the next generation for success by Dani Johnson. She covers many things including personality types and how to deal with and discipline them. Also how to speak life into your kids that gets results. Check out Wondermom page on FB. Her name is Christa Smith and has 15 kids. Watch all the lives as she has some great information. My name is Elizabeth and my email address is [email protected] if you want to contact me for any help xx