Trigger warning!
Help please ladies I'm really struggling at the moment. I'm a mother of 4 currently breastfeeding and I can't stand it when my kids touch me while I'm nursing. I get shaking I feel sick my skin crawls and I start getting on endge very snappy and I'm already half sitting out of my seat until I snap and ask for space or tell them to go play. It just makes me feel so dirty and disgusting. I feel so guilty like a bad mother like I'm not giving the other kids the love and affection they too by feeling this way. But I feel like this even when I'm not nursing too just not as severe. I'm ok to give them a hugs but I have to force myself then they want a kiss of a night being tucked in I do it because I want to treat them all the same. There is child sexual abuse from my childhood and my kids have also been sexually abused by there biological dad (no longer aloud to see the kids) im not sure if this contributes to how I'm feeling ? I guess I want to know if anyone has had any experience or knows why I feel this way and it happens when my kids get touchy feely with me I feel so guilty for feeling like this too I don't know how to make this reaction stop it's not their fault so why should they have to put up with me feeling like this. I really try force myself but most times I can't handle it and have to stop them from hugging me or even having there feet rubbing on my leg while they are trying to snuggle on the couch. I don't know what to do or if I should just accept it.
Touched out?
Touched out?
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour
4 Replies
I've had no sexual abuse and I'm the same. I can't stand being touched too much or when my kids are hanging off me and it makes me shake and feel sick as well. Sometimes we just NEED our own space and that's perfectly ok! No one gets to tell us it's wrong to feel that way.
I'm not a touchy person either, for me it's not past trauma (I'm so sorry you experienced that BTW) it's more a sensory thing and growing up my mum never showed me physical affection so having kids that want to touch me, sit on me etc was something that's taken getting used to. I would suggest some counselling to help deal with this past hurt. That said there's also nothing wrong with wanting some personal space either, I regularly insist on it actually, not in a mean way of course (especially if I'm hot or stressed, being touched puts me on the verge of a panic attack).
Feeling touched out is pretty common when you have a new baby too
Google something called “breastfeeding aversion”. I wasn’t sexually abused but has exactly what you described when I am breastfeeding. As for the feelings you have when not breastfeeding, I can’t provide any advice sorry.
I was abused as a child by an 8 year old boy and I now have these same feelings when my 8 year old boy gets near me or touches me.
It's sad. I can't help it.