Hi,
So my partner and I had a minor disagreement. I told our daughter its bed time not to lay on the couch and he completely undermined me and told her she can lay on the couch. It escalated extremely quickly. All I did was give him that 'really' look and said that if it were one of the boys (not his bio kids) he would have told them bed. Anyway he went on to say that they don't respect me blah blah so I said nobody in this house does aaaand thats where it escalated.. he said you don't like it then fuck off you know where the door is. Then I calmly said to him not to speak to me like that in front of the kids and he then threatened to smash his dinner plate over my head. He's made threats to physically hurt me in the past but never in front of the kids. My 7yo son came into the kitchen and started crying because he was scared my partner was going to hurt me. That was it for me. How do I leave? I'm done. He's emotionally abusive and controlling and not I'm scared that the threats will soon turn into him actually following through. I never thought I'd be the mum in this situation but I am and I want to leave. I love interstate from the boys dad and all my family so if I were to go I'd need to go where they are. The boys dad will be a good support for them and my family for me and them also and my daughter too. Where do I start? What do I take? Do I just pack our clothes toys shoes etc and leave everything else? I'll have to start all over again. I don't want to be alone. It I don't want to raise my kids in a volatile situation. I'd rather struggle financially than be with someone like this. Sorry for the long post I'm a mess right now. I held it together and acted unbothered by it all and reassured the kids we will be ok. As soon as they went to bed I broke. I'm so ashamed of myself for staying this long. I can't believe my kids witnessed him saying those things. I want out before they see him actually hit me because I'm assuming that's what will happen eventually. Thanks for reading. Any advise is much appreciated.
Domestic abuse
Domestic abuse
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
4 Replies
Youre right its totally unacceptable for this to be part od your life and unfprtunately this is the only way to make sure its not.
Pack up your things ans put them in storage if you cant take it all right now. Tie up amy loose ends, sort out where youll stay and then go.
Dont overthink its ok for things to be up in the air and it may cost you extra but being out is most important.
You need to call your family now for support now! Explain the situation and ask for help (with money for temporary accomodation, help moving, whatever they can do even if it's just emotional support)
Is he the father to your daughter? If so, he may be able to stop you from moving interstate with her. In victoria a parent can go to court to stop the other parent moving. Just cover yourself if it comes to that. Start documenting all the abuse and what he says and does.
Call the domestic violence help line for support too and get in to see centrelink asap if you are not working, when you do go in see if you can talk to a social worker amd explain your dv situation, they helped me push through my payments and gave me contact numbers for help. You can also get access to crisis payment in dv cases.
Good luck mumma. You can do this. Do not be ashamed, I was with my abusive ex for 14 years! We have 2 kids (eldest is 6), I ended it after our eldest witnessed the drunken anger and abuse and started crying. I opened up to family who had no idea what was going on, got myself councelling and spent 2-3 weeks getting everything organised (centrelink & advice) before I ended it with him. That may not be an ideal timeframe for you but start making calls now.
You have the strength to do this! And you deserve so much more xxx
You can contact the police and ask to chat to someone in DV. They will be able to give you advice and support on what to do next and potentially help you put a plan into place to keep you and your kids safe.
I'm thankful everyday my mum left my dad. There was no abuse that I can remember, but as I got older I now understand there was a lot of emotional abuse.
My mother did everything she could for us. We struggled our whole childhood financially, but we never went without. We all had jobs at 15, and now as adults we're all highly regarded by our employers because we have an excellent work ethic.
Mum leaving meant we were raised by the best person ever and away and protected from abuse. When she left we had the clothes on our back. My father froze the bank accounts so she had no access to money.
She didn't go back. He hated that he had lost control.
Almost 25 years later. All 6 of her children either have degrees or a trade. 3 of us married to wonderful people and the other 3 in fantastic long term relationships.
I would much rather be from a broken home than raised in a broken home.
We are who we are because my mother left. Things would have been hard and really shit for her for many years. My dad is an arsehole and not for one minute made it easy.
But she is happy now and me and my siblings are all wonderful. We are much better off for her leaving.
Bite the bullet. Leave today. You can start over. It's worth it!!
Good luck mumma