I am 36 weeks pregnant and until now I THOUGHT I knew who the father was. There were two biological possibilities. I will just make up some names for them as I don't really think I should say their real ones. Ryker, the first option was a very handsome black man who assured me in my first trimester that he could not be the father as he did not "do that inside". ( sorry if thats a TMI )
The second option was Drake, a younger white man who snapped and went crazy / abusive on me when he found out i was pregnant. Needless to say , i did what was best for my child and I and got the hell away from him.
Until now, my mother and I just assumed that Drake was the father, However, at my most recent appointment with my obstetrician, we got a first, very clear look of what she (the baby ) looks like during the ultrasound. I have to say this ( not in an offensive way ) she looked like she had black features. In fact, she looked nothing at all like Drake or I, and the resemblance to Ryker was immediately astonishing. I am now convinced that Ryker lied to me to avoid any responsibility. I want a paternity test to find out, but I have no way to contact him any longer. I did find him on facebook, and messaged him. I saw that he is now in a relationship, so i didnt bring it up right away. In fact, all i said was hello. He didnt see it, and he didnt respond. This morning however, I discovered he had seen it and immediately blocked me.
Is there a way any of you may know of that i cant get the paternity test and possibly child support from him? However, i also still want to raise her on my own, without the father, so i need him to relinquish his rights if he is.
Any ideas? Help!!
Help!!! Can courts order a Paternity tests?
Help!!! Can courts order a Paternity tests?
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy, FAQ
13 Replies
Firstly yes the courts can order paternity tests.
Secondly pulling out before ejaculating isn't a reliable contraceptive. There is what's called pre-cum and it can have sperm in it and yes you can get pregnant from it.
As a single mother, you need legal advice before the baby comes along. Go see a women's legal service. It was the smartest thing I did while pregnant.
I really appreciate that information. I've got to say, im really new to all of this. im obviously not sure how some of this even really works. (For instance i didnt know it was possible to get pregnant without him ejaculating) This is my first baby, and im still really young. I made an irresponsible decision, and it has been forcing me to grow up these past couple of months.
I don’t know. I would say you need to think about your daughter and what is best for her. To say you want a man to pay you to raise a child but then also want them to give up their rights is something I think you may not have thought through 100%. I don’t know you so don’t want to pass judgement but I know what I’d be telling someone if it was a friend or family member saying that to me.
You need to decide if you want child support and your daughter to have a father or if you want to raise her alone and take her on alone without ANY involvement from her father. The downside there is your daughter is not getting a chance to have both of her parents involved in her life. Now only you can answer if there is a genuine reason why this man should not be in your daughters life.
As for a paternity test, yes the courts can order it. But the courts will then also enforce the fathers rights. Consider what is going to be best for your daughter and remember that we can’t have our cake and eat it too.
Yes you can get court help to establish paternity and child support, however you can't force him to give up rights, so by making contact you're risking that he might decide to be involved.
He's probably convinced himself it's not his so he can go in his merry way. But that's the lamest excuse I've ever heard, if he put it in then there's a chance.
I’m confused. Okay so he doesn’t sound like he wants anything to do with the baby but regardless of whether he does or doesn’t, you can’t ask a father to give up his rights to his child but expect him to support the child with no rights. Either give him the rights to get to know his daughter if it comes to that whilst paying child support, or don’t ask for money to raise a child you want him to have nothing to do with.
If you want him to have nothing to do with the child put father unknown and leave it at that.
If you want him to step up and be a father - ask him for financial support when it comes to the baby and leave the ball in his court to sort out visitation if that’s what he would like to do.
What your asking for is to have the baby's biological father be finacially responsible for her for 18 years of her life but to have absolutely nothing to do with her....
You won't get a choice of whether your daughter's bio dad wants anything to do with her or not. If you contact the father to have a court ordered parernity test, he find hes the father, he will have every right to have a meaningful realtionship with her.
Your baby is squished as anything inside you. Whatever features you saw could be very misleading. However, my daughter was the product of incomplete sex because hubby and I were sick, had been for weeks and decided to stop. So yes, contraception is possible. Finally, if you confirm who is the father, they have legal rights to that child so if you only want money, tread carefully.
You want the father to relinquish all rights, have nothing to do with his daughter, but you want him to pay child support? 😂😂😂
You're obviously very young and don't understand how it works.
You've said you want to raise her on your own. That means YOU are financially responsible for EVERY aspect of her life.
If you want her to have nothing to do with her father than write "father unknown " on the birth certificate.
Only get a paternity test if you're willing to allow her father in to her life.
As someone who has been in this exact situation I can tell you what I did. I has a one night stand then a week later started dating someone. I then found out I was pregnant. The doctors told me it was too close to tell who the father was. I could have had an dna in utero but declined. Like you one was of dark skin colour and the other white. I knew who I had hoped it would be and even though we had broken up he promised to be in my childs life. When my child was born he was pink as a pig and sporting a lovely crop of red hair. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. I didnt know the one night stands last name but we had mutual friends so through some searching I got his number and rang him letting him know that he was the father. I gave him the choice. He could be part of his life or not. He decided no. I saw a social worker and it was signed off that the father was unknown and uncontactable. We went on with our life. It was hard but I made it. I have now had a partner for 4 years who he calls dad. My son knows the truth. I have never withheld it. If you want child support he has to sign the birth certificate. Then he has parental rights. If you want him to have no rights then just leave it blank.
Im so glad to see some helpful and non judgemental advice here. Most of the comments on the facebook page are quite mean.
Hi Hun, please disregard the nasty comments here. From one young mum to another, this shit is hard.
I think you'd be best to prepare to do it all alone (physically, emotionally and financially). You will know either way when baby is born (chances are they'll either be black or white).
Neither of these men sound too interested in being fathers, so I think I'd just move on and be independent and be a kick ass mum that your baby needs. Trying to force CS out of these men with probably be more hassle than it's worth.
Good luck.
My last baby looked the spitting image of our second son in the ultrasound without a doubt!! So I guess some do and some don't...I guess you'll know once the baby comes.
Sorry you're going through a hard time. Please ignore the mean comments here. Sounds like you are going through a lot and trying to think about how you will survive financially and how you want to parent and what your rights are. That's all good! You can get legal advice from a free community legal service in your state about proving who the father is and what to put on birth certificate and what that means in terms of the father's rights and obligations. It's worth also thinking about the child's right to know their father even if by name only for the future, so please consider that. Centrelink doesn't really accept 'I don't know who he was' in the same way they used to in relation to payments, but get legal advice about what your options are. He might be unwilling to pay if he is not involved, but he might be required to pay if he is named on certificate. It also gives him rights, but it doesn't seem like he is interested. Good luck! I hope even though this bit is hard, you have a wonderful time with your little baby when she comes! Babies come into the world for all sorts of reasons, and your little one clearly felt it was time to come! Please reach out for support after all the hard times you've gone through to friends and family and professionals too. Here's an example of some material by Victoria legal aid. There is heaps more, but different in each state sometimes. Check out your local state. https://www.legalaid.vic.gov.au/find-legal-answers/child-support/proving...