My 4yo son has been having extreme headaches which get worse when he lays down. We’ve been in the emergency department and they’ve referred him to a specialist for an MRI. The paediatric doctor was pretty certain these headaches are being caused by a brain tumour. I am not coping. At all. I suffer extreme anxiety and I’m scared I’m about to break. I don’t know who to talk to - if I talk to my best friend it all just becomes more real. I’m terrified, literally! I haven’t slept in 48hrs and I just want to be the best Mum I can be for him during this time but I’m failing him because I’m not coping. What can I do to get through this the best way? He doesn’t really grasp the severity of the situation and I’m so thankful for that because I don’t know how I’d get him through this when I’m struggling to get myself through. We don’t even have a formal diagnosis and I’m already on the verge of a full on breakdown. Please ladies I need some help
4yo with possible brain tumour. How can I be the best mum for him during this time
4yo with possible brain tumour. How can I be the best mum for him during this time
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Parenthood Guilt, Health & Wellbeing, Kids
6 Replies
Your local cancer council offers over the phone counselling and support. Also make a long appointment with your GP to discuss a mental health care plan and potentially medications and other strategies for you.
I know what it's like when your child has a potential diagnosis, my son has had a long list of diagnosis and the anxiety, fear etc were very very real. Not sleeping is quite normal for me around these times. The hardest part is learning to cope with those feelings. They do decrease.
I did learn to switch it on and off a bit better but I also HAD to prioritise time to exercise, I had to find a way to burn off steam. For me thats a huge emotional release.
You take it in slow steps. Each step at a time untill you have a plan and diagnosis. Find someone that you can speak the truth and express your fears with it will help get things off your chest. People can live with brain tumours I know someone that is in his mid twenties and has had a tumor growing in his brain since birth.
Everyone has mentioned what I would have said but I also think that it’s totally okay “not to be handling things”. You can’t expect to handle something as big as this. It’s okay. Take some time to let it all out in private away from your son so that you aren’t covering up all this emotion when you need to be strong for him. You e got this mama, I believe in you.
Firstly I’m sorry that you and your little man are going through this. You take it 1 step at a time. I don’t believe the pediatrician should have diagnosed or advices he believes it’s a brain tumor until they have seen the MRI this puts a heavy load on your shoulders.
Your little boy is looking to your to be norma and carry on day to day routine(harder then it sounds I know) I have been there so please reach out for counseling and assistance as this will give you tools to cope. My thoughts are with you and fingers are crossed
Oh darling.... 2 years ago I could have written this post - my son was 4 at the time as well. The ED pediatrician had used the words possible brain tumor at that moment my world felt so out of control. Waiting for the MRI was so scary, the uncertainty, the doctor speak, watching your child have the sedation to have the MRI, the walking out of the hospital after the MRI, the waiting for the results. Im not goimg to lie, gosh it was scary and intimidating.The way I got through it was by writing everything down.... break down everything the doctors say, write all your questions down - hand it to the doctor if it's too hard to ask the question out loud (saying it out loud can be scary and I found it made things real). Write down the time and date of every headache, what it was like where the pain was, if he was vomiting, what he ate that day, what he'd done that day, what medication was taken and when - these things will help the pediatrician once they have the MRI results. Stay in the moment, talk to friends - if you don't feel like talking, don't. Take some time to look after you so you can look after him, go for a 10 minute walk, have a bath, go swimming, take a yoga class - I know it's hard to take time out in this situation, I found it helped me ground myself, and to be honest my son carried on like (his) normal as those doctors words didn't mean anything to him but seeing a upset mummy upset him. Be gentle on yourself, take each day as it comes, don't read into possible diagnosis without the MRI - I know it's hard, let others help and support you.
Lots of love to you & your son
Ask to speak to a social worker or pastoral care person at the hospital. My son had a rare form of cancer many years ago, he was 2. The two ppl I found most helpful were as above.
Do your breathing techniques to calm down and to keep you in the moment.
I found it weirdly comforting when in hospital, with all the other kids, their parents and the staff, they ‘get it’ whereas people in the outside world wouldn’t know what to say or do, or have this stupid pity look on their faces.
Stay in the moment is my best advice, and only look at one step at a time. No what ifs and what then, just deal with this, the here and now. Be with your baby, keep him calm and relaxed by you being calm and relaxed. But don’t forget to take regular breaks for you, to have a cry, talk to someone, have a shower, a Cuppa, a walk. Maintain a good diet and don’t overload with caffeine, alcohol or crap food if you can help it.
Enlist the support of one trusted person to be your liaison person, so you’re not telling your story over and over to well meaning yet intrusive friends and family.
All the best, and come back here for support anytime xx