I really just needed other opinions on this issue as i keep questioning my own choices in this.
So I was in a domestic violent relationship for 4 and a half years. I had many injuries in this time but I guess being young and in love kept me around. I fell pregnant young and hoped that this would change our situation as I constantly made excuses for the behaviour due to his upbringing. It obviously didn't. The beatings continued 2 weeks after my c-section where I was kicked repeatedly in the stomach.
The jelousy, controlive behavior was so set into my routine I believed that was my life. Untill I was put into hospital 1 month after my 18th birthday for a restructuring of my jaw.
I knew I was stuck and I knew I had to get away. I reached out and got help and I escaped.
Now is 5 years later.
We moved 4 hours from his and my hometown, I got strong and began a new life with new friends, I work as much as I possibly can and am often seen running through the school at 3:03pm cos I just finished work and I was almost late for pickup. Lol. I really do try ...
He has been in jail more than out the whole time switching from mental health treatment faculties to jails to rehabs you name it he's been there.
My child now longs for her father, she clings to my friends husbands when they are playing with their children, she asks why she doesn't have a daddy. I was raised by my father so I know the importance of this relationship but only if the parent is healthy and stable I believe.
My child has a very good relationship with my father but we live far apart so visitation is limited
So with all this said my constant worry is, am I hurting my child by not allowing her to know him. He never hurt her in this time but he hurt me and I worry what if he would snap one day, it's a very real scenario. My anxiety over it plays in my head so much. I believe I know the answer but I think I'm just looking for others opinions as i often see so many things about mothers keeping children from their fathers ect...
Or any tips as to how to help my child feel more complete even though her dad isn't a dad she dreams of.
5 Replies
I think it’s time to seek professional support in the form of a psychologist who specialises in family therapy.
Yes, I believe a child should have a relationship with both parents if it is safe to do so etc. obviously in this case it would have to be supervised in a centre, but given his lack of stability it sounds unlikely he’d comply anyway!
So now it’s time to develop confidence for yourself and coping mechanisms for your daughter. I think a family therapist is probably best placed to do that and can really support you long term as issues arise etc.
You are absolutely doing the right thing, agree with the poster above, therapy would help you. Sending you love xxx
You're absolutely right. Time to strengthen the relationship with your dad and find some other male role models in her life, teachers and club coaches.
She is probably also interested in her dad so perhaps give her some more information about who he is, where he is, talk to her about him if you have anything good to say (don't sugarcoat it) but tell her his likes or dislikes, what he did for work, hobbies, how you met him, his family, etc and equally explain that he did some things that aren't good and you and her being safe and happy is the most important and that's why you don't see him anymore.
My sister is in the same sort of situation as you but she has not left 😢 he treats there son very well but has no respect for any women. there poor daughter gets treated like crap.
My children have only seen their father once in 6 years & that one time he abused his girlfriend & myself in front of them.
Exposing children to domestic violence is child abuse. I will make no effort anymore. My children deserve better. They need to know that this isn’t normal, or acceptable in any way.
All of them are 100% better off with out his influence.