I'm a full time mum and step mum.
My partner has 2 sons. Their mother has them while he works his 8-4 job 4 days a week. He drops them to her in the morning and then picks them up after. They then go to care where I pick them up some times once a week. I also have a daughter full time. The dad walked when I was pregnant. I meet my now partner when my daughter was 8 months. She's now almost 3.
I have all the kids on Saturday while he works. I cook I clean I wash the clothes. I love them like they were my own. But lately I'm exhausted.
Yesterday I was running after them they were riding off on their bikes while I was cooking there was a lot going on.
The oldest who is nearly 5 pulled the fitting off the tap next door. It's a hose fitting the one that goes into the grown to water the veggies. I told him he can't do that and to put it back on he couldn't so I stepped into do it. While trying to round up the younger 2. Every time I had the fitting on he would turn the tap on really fast. I would turn it off put the fitting back on and he would do it again. Every time the fitting was on he would do it again water flying every where. I was so frustrated. I grabbed his arm and said I said to stop and then tried to continue. He started to pinch me then bite. I pushed his hand away and told him to just go. In the mean time my partner was watching. We haven't talked since. He told me I crossed a line and he would never throw my daughters hand like that. I told him the situation said he saw it. But has called me a lyer said his son would never bite or pinch. He was watching though. What should I do I have apologized over and over tried to work it out. But he won't talk. It's got to the point I feel like they are mine I have them full time I see more of them then their mother. So when it comes to things like this I automatically act as if they are mine.
What should I do now? I feel awful
I crossed a line I but didn't know.
I crossed a line I but didn't know.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour
9 Replies
I am the same as.you.. I see my steps more than mum and dad. Kills me. But your husband is being unfair. If he feels you crossed a line then he needs to sit and talk about how he.would handle.it... And if.he was watching ..why didn't he intervene when he saw it reaching frustration point.
Every parent can reach that point but a partner should.work.with you to help with strategies not watch and do nothing and then criticise.
Were you grabbing/holding him to make him bite and scratch to get free. I dont like people putting hands on my kids either there are other ways, tired or not it comes down to parenting and mayne you need to recognise that although you feel like theyre all yours so you can parent your way, you cant you have to respect the parents discipline.
You both need to talk it out, its not THAT bad, you just need to hear each other out.
Its time to make a different plan. Tell your partner it's time for some changes and you need help. He can't complain about your parenting if you are doing all the heavy lifting.
If he is going to continue to give you the silent treatment rather than repair the situation this relationship is going to end, because that's not an appropriate conflict resolution.
So your husband saw you struggling to get the situation under control yourself, yet instead of stepping in to help he's just criticizing you?
That's not fair...
Sure, you probably didn't handle it as well as possible but you're human, we all make mistakes so don't beat yourself up and it sounds like you were incredibly frustrated.
I'd talk to your stepson, apologise for losing your cool (if you haven't already) and maybe explain to him how his behavior was wrong too etc.
If you're doing a fair chunk of the parenting, dad needs to give you the tools to discipline them if need be, if he's going to get pissy every time you do - there's going to be huge problems down the track.
This is good advice.
If he was watching why didn't he sort his child out? If my child was playing with someone elses tap and pulled it off I would be mortified, then for him to keep doing it while you were trying to fix it would be so frustrating. His father should have jumped into that situation, not just watched. You handled it as best you could. Terrible behaviour.
So dad stood and watched you struggle with his kid acting like an asshole?
Saturdays I guess step kids are going to mums too then, at least she's allowed to discipline them.
And stop apologising to dad, he should be apologising to you for being a judgemental asshat instead of helping.
For the record, I would have handled it much worse than slapping his hand away so dad should be thankful he has someone like you helping raise his kids.
Talk to your husband about appropriate discipline, come to an agreement with both parties input about what is the best discipline moving forward. If you struggle with his kids, then step back and let him be the disciplinarian. I would just have walked away from the tap and said, he's not listening to me you will have to deal with it. Your peace of mind is very important.
Did you move in early in the relationship? I fear you are being treated as the hired help my friend, and sounds like you are feeling like it too! Take a few days off, take your daughter away to visit friends or family, and leave him to parent his own kids and run the house...
Oh and get yourself a job, so you’re not financially dependent on this bloke