HI sisters.
I desperately need some advice regarding my 7 year olds behaviour.
He has been saying something that really breaks my heart when he doesn’t get what he wants.
I feel I tell him no to something (a new Xbox game, online coins on a game,a day at a theme park, anything really tbh) he turns around and says ‘ok I’ll kill myself’!! It shatters me, as I lost my brother to suicide a few years back which my son does not know the cause of death of his uncle.
Is it just the age and him wanti his way? He was the first grandchild and better yet the first boy born to mhm family since my grandfather so about 70 years and literally everyone in my family meet his every demand :( I hate it I try to teach him he can’t have everything he wants but I feel I’m fighting a losing battle as if I say no, he runs to my mum who will give in behind my back. What do I do with his threats that are breaking me :( My heart shatters that he could possibly feel this way. Please tell me it’s the age and him being a brat that doesn’t like hearing NO!!
Child lashing out
Child lashing out
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids
16 Replies
Oh wow honey your family are doing your son no favours giving him everything he wants!
You need to tell them very very sternly when you have said no, do not give in to him!
Do you give in normally when he says he will kill himself?
POSTER REPLY; I tell them all the time. And they say okay at the time but it’s right back to doing it again in five minutes. I don’t see why if it is a cry for attention, I’m very attentive to him, we have mum and son dates once a week where it’s just him and I (he has two younger siblings and demands time without them) I lay in bed with him every night and tickle his back / talk about our day until he falls asleep) to the point my three year old now just puts himself to sleep because he knows I’m with older brother Andy it’s just breaks my heart :( I feel like my three year old misses out on so much time with me <\3.
No I don’t normally give in when he threatens it, I say why are you saying this talk to me and his response is just ‘oh I was mad’ and laughs it off. But then he will go ask someone else so has ultimately got his way,
Time to be really frank with your family and mean it, tell them they're making your life really difficult by essentially overriding your authority and if they can't respect your boundaries you will me minimizing contact with them.
If you live with them, it may be time to consider moving in on your own.
Aww love. I think your 7 year old is being very very spoilt and acting quite bratty. You sound like such a beautiful mummy but your little three year old cant feel left out because your 7 year old is being that demanding.
I understand how hard it is, I have a 7 year old who went through a phase where he was extremely demanding of mine and my family's attention.
I started to notice the dynamics of our family shifting to please him and to keep him happy. We would do the activities he wanted, read bed time books he chose, planned our lives around keeping him happy. But we have two younger children too and one day our second son said to me "i wish I was *brothers name*" and i said oh sweety why? And he said "everyone loves him more than me". Totally broke me and i realised we were not being fare on any of the kids. We had one child becoming very entilted and spoilt and one feeling unimportant and not as loved. We stopped pampering our 7 year old and made a huge effort to be fare. Our 7 year old cracked it plenty of times over the little changes but he eventually got over it and everyone is much happier and my 7 year old behaves a lot less spoilt!
THankyou all for your advice and encouragement. I agree whole heartedly things need to change. I do live with my mum at the moment, as I’m saving for a house deposit on my own. He doesn’t act this way at dads, as he knows dad won’t stand for it.
Although dad is well aware of his attitude and tries to help although they only spend a day or so a week with dad as he works a lot.
He did say to his dad though that ‘he loves being a home the most cus mum is my slave’ :( it breaks my heart to know what type of man he is going to be if things don’t change.
Which leads me to ask. What expectations of being independent do you all have for 7 years old.
ATM he does no chores :( I can sometimes get him to take the rubbish down but he expects something out of it which I don’t agree to and tell him he just has to do it...
I clean his room, put his clothes away, make his bed, prepare all snacks and meals for him
I think 7 is a little young to be independent but maybe I’m just being silly. Basically all he does for himself is bath himself.
Please shed some light onto what should be expected of him.
My daughter is 7 in Feb, she's expected to keep rrooms clean (she shares it with her big sister, so that's both of their responsibility), I expect her to pick up after herself, help with basic tidying around the house and yard. I make her school lunch but she's responsible for packing her bag (if she forgets hats or books etc, not my problem - I do check her food and drink is packed but I never remind her about other things. If she forgets she faces the consequences), after school she has to unpack her bag, get changed and put uniforms out for washing. Also feeding pets. My 2 older kids have a few extra responsibilities on top of all that. I do this for my kids not to be mean but because I moved out an entitled 16 year old who didn't know how to cook, complete basic cleaning tasks (literally didn't even know how to turn on the oven or washing machine) and just generally lacking in necessary life skills to look after myself.
Oh gosh love. I feel for you, I do. Thats terrible hes calling you his slave, im sure he doesnt understand the full hurt behind his words, as he is only 7 but he does need to learn. I think you might need to toughen up a little bit and stop pampering him like a baby. And i mean that in the kindest way. At 7 they are capable of being more independent than he is. He can get himself to sleep for example...
Make him pack his own school bag, clean his own teeth, leave a bowl of fruit out so he can get his own fruit snack, he can dress himself, brush his own hair and he can definitely pick up his own toys. When he kicks up a fuss, take away his xbox or whatever. Be firm! Change the bedtime routine so you read all the kids a a book each together, and then they are all off to bed. Kids can thrive on responsibility. You can google age appropriate chores too for an idea.
I totally understand how distressing it would be to hear him say these things, do know he doesn't really grasp the concept of his words - he's doing it for the reaction and to get his way.
Next time he says it try saying something like "I'm sorry you feel that way, well talk about this when you've calmed down".
You probably need to be really firm with your family, they really aren't doing him any favours spoiling him with "stuff".
I do know a seven year old who has said it to his mum before too, but I’m not sure if he has continued since she told him you don’t say those types of things when you’re angry.
I’m sorry I’m not more of a help but I thought I’d let you know that about her 7 year old boy has said the same thing before. Maybe it’s a common topic of conversation at school for their age because it’s a curious age where they are starting to wrap their heads around things.
If it continues, I’d take him to your dr just for a check up and make sure everything is okay.
Good idea to take him to the doctor. If you lose it and pit him in the car he might just get scared enough to realise not to do it again.
But really, as youve acknowledged, the issue is him being spoilt rotten and not respecting your authority or being told no.
For his benefit, I would be putting my foot down on all of it.
Do you live with your Mum? Maybe you need your own place or limit visits. Remember the buck always stops with you, you always have the last say in what your child gets. Don't be scared to be the bad guy and start punishments if he goes to someone else after you have said no. If ge makes another suicide threat take him to the hospital. Overkill maybe, but they are serious threats and he may need to realise where those threats lead you if you keep throwing them around.
I agree. If he goes to someone else to get something you said no to, take it off him and send him to his room and when hes passed chucking a tantrum, explain you had already said no and it is very sneaky to go ask grandma instead after mummy said no!
And then take the item to whoever gave it to him and say VERY sternly, I said no!
That's really not fair of your family to give your son everything just because he's a boy! I wonder how the girls of the family feel about that, like they're just mistakes :( that's really sad and I would say they are a big cause of his behaviour and I'd be doing everything I can to put a stop to how they treat him asap.
I agree. It is wrong. It’s not just because he is a boy, I have another son and a nephew and they arnt treated as royally as said child. It’s caused a lot of arguments between my sister and I as she feels ‘jealous’ for her kids and is now resentful of me. I hate it :( I’d love for all kids to be treated equally but for some reason the eldest of the grandchildren seems to be golden in my family.
Be careful you’re not raising the next generation of entitled male! Put all relatives on notice that’s it’s your way or the highway. It’ll get worse before it gets better but stick to your rules. Kids need boundaries and routines.
Keep a close eye on his mental health. Taking him to a child psychologist for a chat could be helpful