I recently found out that I’m pregnant.
I had a one night stand with an African man about a month ago. We used protection but the next day he told me the condom broke so I immediately went to get the MAP (this was within 15hrs of intercourse).
Well that clearly failed, and now I’m pregnant. I have no contact with this man anymore and wouldn’t know where to start.
My question is (without sounding racist) how can I possibly bring up a black baby into a family of white people. Is it fair on the baby? I’m worried that he/she will get teased at school for having a white family. Kids are ruthless. Not to mention the rest of my community. I’ll be keeping the baby because he/she is apart of me. I need some reassurance and strategies to cope with this. Of course black and white doesn’t bother me, it’s how this baby will be treated when he/she is born and going through school etc.
I should also mention that I already have a 7yo boy. How do I explain to him why his sibling is dark skinned.
Please I don’t need hate, I’m not being racist whatsoever, I’m going to love this baby no matter what, I’m just wanting to talk to someone who’s been through the same thing, how did you deal with it ?
White mumma pregnant with an African baby wanting advice.
White mumma pregnant with an African baby wanting advice.
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Mental Health, Sisterhood Stories, Parenthood Guilt, Education, Behaviour, Pregnancy, Kids
13 Replies
I don't think you're being racist, they're some well considered questions.
As for explaining it to Mr 7, I wouldn't make a huge deal. Just use it as an opportunity to explain about genetics and how people come to have certain physical traits, IE "baby gets their dark skin from their dad, you get your light skin from me" etc.
In this day and age, kids don't notice these things anyway and most schools/daycares are pretty multi cultural too so you'll find racism will not be tolerated in these settings.
I think it'll be just like any other parenting hurdle, you'll just sort of work it out as you go!
Best of luck with your pregnancy
I work in a small Catholic school (I thought to mention that as a lot of people falsely assume there isn't a large diversity of kids in private schools) and there are so many kids of different colours and kids don't ever really comment or anything. There are a few white parents with darker children and none of the other parents say anything. It's actually probably a lot more common than you realise. You don't need to make it a big deal just say that your sons brother or sister is darker because their dad is darker, that's all that needs to be said. As for your family...well it's 2018, lots of people have mixed race kids and I would imagine they'd love and accept your child just like they love and accept your son. Good luck with your pregnancy!
Hi, I have a mixed race child. You have fair concerns. Yeah people assume mines adopted, idiots say it, I have a friend with an African mix and they get comments on hair and skin, and even touching, it is a different ball game - unfortunately it happens. And you have concerns over siblings, which is also absolutely fair.
However, we live in a world with lots of mixed people. So, you just do you, and it will be fine. Honestly it hasn't been a huge factor. She is a mix of her mum and her dad and that's the colour skin and hair that came out. Same as your other child is a mix of you and his dad and that's why he came out that way.
My advice is just do you and try your best not to focus on the child's looks or 'heritage' remember the child is half you and raised by you, here, so when asked where they are from, say your suburb, let her own her Australian-ness and don't let people focus on her African side because of her looks. Ask them where they are from? Where their parents or family are from? It's a funny thing that people think this is socially acceptable only for people that aren't white.
Don't be aggressive, don't play into it, you have a few years while still a baby to develop your own beliefs and figure it out before you have to explain or role model conversations in front of her.
I have 4 people in my family who have noticably mixed race children, 2 of them single from the start with no dad in the picture. Their number one complaint is that people automatically assume the child is adopted. The kids get on beautifully with other kids and theres never a problem, but expect questions from little kids asking why her hair is curly or why doesn't he look like you. That comes with the territory. "Blanket" tell people who need to know, one family member sent a message explaining everything to us all, then a facebook post a little while later.
I have to say Ive never had a question from kids, or family or friends. The strangest things come from strangers.
My children aren't mixed race but I've had some strange to downright rude comments come from strangers regarding my kids over the years.
Had one old bag ask me if I even knew who my babies father was, had another ask me if I took the right baby home from hospital because I have tanned skin and dark hair and my baby had fair skin, blond hair and blue eyes 😂😂
My point, you just have to ignore the idiot strangers and have a bit of a laugh about it later or prepare a smart comeback for the inevitable stupid questions 😉
Op of comment, yes I've had some shockers from strangers. I was a young teenaged mum and had 4 kids close together, with a partner who worked away so was never with me when I went shopping etc. People can be so cruel and judgmental. Youngest one has light curly hair when me and his dad have dead straight dark hair, lots of questions and assumptions with that one😂 My favourite was, "Are you sure it's his?" to which I replied with, "Hell no, I've got my money on the milkman." Shuts them up if you make light of it.
I don't have mixed race kids but I have two daughters, one is a red head like myself. She definitely takes after me in the looks department. My other daughter is blonde. Very light blonde hair with a slight tan and blue eyes. I'm a red head with hazel eyes and freckles and my partner has black hair and light skin. I've been asked if she is mine/my partners more times than I can remember! People really don't think before they make comments do they. It's not their business either way!
Just have a chat about genetics. Explain that while rarely babies with a coloured parent can turn out white usually the baby takes on the most dominate genes like dark hair, dark eyes, curly hair, dark skin while some will take on the less dominant like blue eyes, blonde hair. I explain all types of stuff about bodies with my 6 year old and he understands. Also kids will understand we aren't in the dark ages anymore. Kids are coming out gay and boys are wearing dresses. A black child in a white family is far from strange these days. Everyone is different. A friend of mine has a black baby. While her hubby and his sibblings are around there are plenty of white woman having black babies. Just go with the flow.
My cousin married an Indian. They have one dark child and one white child. People think she is the nanny sometimes. When she says no I'm mum and they look confused she laughs about sometimes genetics are unpredictable. Then that's the end of it. No issue really... Just curiosity. With so many nationalities in Australia it really isn't uncommon
Oh... And I have crazy curly hair and hubby is bald. Son is straight straight straight and daughter is white with an afro that goes into dreadies. If I'm not with him people argue with him about his kids having different mums lol.
I have 3 mixed race children (different dads) and when I was pregnant with my eldest these were concerns for me but I've never had any issues with anyone teasing her or even mentioning it to her she's 13 years old. . Also she was the perfect addition to our all White family and has received nothing but unconditional love since the day she was born. It's alot more common these days to meet people with mixed race children I know of a fair few people in the exact same position. Please don't stress about this I'm sure your baby will be loved no matter what. ❤ All the best.
Do you live in a conservative area? Is your family conservative/racist? If not, then you’ll be fine. There will always be some idiot think they have the right to say or ask intrusive questions.
A friend had a baby to a Nigerian man, the baby was all dad! She had to contend with ppl assuming she’d adopted her. My kids totally accepted that baby as their ‘sister’. My only suggestion would be to make connections either through dad, or with a local African community so your baby knows their own culture, not to mention, how to do their own hair