My ex and I have been separated for almost 2 years and it’s been rocky.
We have 4 wonderful kids together 14-7. They reside with me and spend 2 days a week with him and occasionally more if I have to work.
Our relationship was tough, he was very narcissistic, abusive (not physically thankfully) and always cheated. He wasn’t around for his kids and enjoyed a drink or two which made us all very uncomfortable.
Recently our kids have been asking to come home earlier from his house and even refusing to go at all.
They say he’s turning back into his old self, he doesn’t spend time with them and he drinks multiple alcoholic drinks a day.
My question is do I make them go or do I allow them to make up their own minds?
We have no orders in place and I’m worried he’ll try taking me to court or make life hell all over again.
Thanks :)
3 Replies
Start mediation yourself, narcissists have a way of turning things ugly and the last thing you want is him manipulating one or more of the kids away from you if he feels like you're pulling them away from him. Narcissists don't handle rejection very well.
I posted similar recently. If you have concern for their safety and care then I would let the kids choose. Try to cut down his time, have it at yours or try to go out all together so youre there.
Give him plentybod notice ie) x and y are really tired they want to just relax Saturday and come over on sunday to see you. And message him afterwards with the report. Ie) were you drunk or drinking all weekend while you had the kids?
My idiot doesnt put the two together. Thats the problem that he never learns but its also good because he doesnt see it as me withholding the kids or blaming him or else he would get very angry and things could go bad.
Its not perfect but with these people its just about weighing up whats the best of bad options.
Back to mediation and bring forward your issues with facts about what the kids have specifically said. Tell them how the kids have changed and no longer want to go because XYZ. Put it in the parenting plan that he’s not to drink around them.