My 8 yr old girl is lying and stealing.
I know some of this is just kid behaviour but im struggling, background is her father is a narcissist, compulsive liar and thief. I see her doing these things and even though hes not in her life due to being abusive, its pushing me over the edge and all i can see in her is him!
She steals food from the cupboard constantly hides in the bathroom eating it. I give her bikkies and yummy stuff in her lunch box everyday. I always give her yoghurt fruit sandwhiches shea not hungry. I have explained taking without asking is stealing. She lies about taking the food. The last 2 weeks ive gotten notes about her school banking being short she flat out lied to my face on both occasions i know she took the money. She lied to tuck shop telling them i dont give her food and they gave her lunch and sent me the bill, came home and threw her lunch in the bin. Its not just about food she lies about everything and anything. She steals my make up and lies about it. I know little girls want make up etc but i buy her own lip gloss etc that is age appropriate.
She lies at school about what we do on the weekend, i have people constantly asking me about things that are untrue including my family.
She comes home saying she won a prize for being a great student at school only to find out shes been in trouble for interrupting class or not following instructions.
Im drowning. No punishment gets through to her. Time out chilli sauce smacking talking calmly taking tv ipad time away taking toys away taking dance lessons away.
Im loosing it i yell i scream i smack. My relationship with my husband is suffering because im this horrible mother screaming at my child saying to him i wish i never had kids or contemplating dropping her at her fathers family and driving away.
This behaviour is on a daily basis. On top pf other things like talking back, fighting with her sister, being full on. Ive taken her to a physcologist before. At the end of 10 sessions we had gotten no where, it was like they had a play session every week and i was 100s of dollars out of pocket that i couldnt afford.
Miss 8 problems
Miss 8 problems
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Kids
6 Replies
No, at this level this is not normal kid behaviour.
Your daughter is struggling and needs help. It's time to see your GP for a referral to child psychologist.
This is not something yelling and smacking can fix.
So she is half him, she is also a product of geowing up with him as a father, and she is also her own person. The best part is that she is still a child. Right now you need to throw yourself into helping her. Get into a psychologist who can understand her and understand whats going on underneath these behaviours. She can grow up different, if she gets help now and you build a strong foundation. I would be putting everything I have into her right now.
The play session is play-based therapy. It is the best way to communicate with kids.
However if nothing went in, thats a problem and I have felt that before as well. But it means she needs MORE help, dont give up.
Try a pediatrician or ask the psych what they suggest. Your aim now is to get her to a point where the therapy does go in and you see her using it and behaviours improving.
My sister was exactly the same. And still is. It never got better because she never got the help. Although, one thing that alleviated it was getting the police in to talk to her about stealing and the consequences. But it was only temporary. She's now in rehab and paying off huge debts, fines and court repayments. She needed intervention. Take her to a GP, a paediatrician and anyone necessary. Good on you for wanting to step in :)
Although on the other hand, my cousin was also this child and is now not anything like it at all.
I think you need to start from scratch.
First GP, discuss your concerns and request a referral to a pediatrician and child psychologist or a behavioural therapist. I'd be demanding that assessments be carried out to see of there's any diagnosable behavioral disorders or mental health issues. I know a few kids exhibiting similar behavior (particularly the stealing and lying) that have ADHD.
Secondly, what the go at school?
Is she struggling accedemically or socially?
Is she not being challenged enough by the work (IE finding it boring and then acting out)?
Is she getting enough support from her teacher?
Thirdly, is there anything that triggers this behavior?
Did something happen in her life to cause this behavior or has it been a gradual thing?
Is it possibly a coping mechanism?
Punishments won't work!
You both definitely need the professional help. There's a reason she's acting out, you've just got to get to the bottom of what it is.
Speak to the school about her behaviour. I think you need to stop punishing her for lying, she will just learn to get better at it to avoid the punishment. Confront her about it, take her to the person she has lied to and have a discussion about what has happened to get to the bottom of it. Example if she tells the tuckshop lady she had no lunch that day, walk her to the tuck shop the next day and get the lady to tell you what your daughter told her, then you explain how that was not true and get daughter to explain why she did that. Confrontation with the truth is a liars worst nightmare, she will not be wanting this to happen and she might think twice about it in the future.
Stop punishing her. These behaviours are a cry for help - she needs psychological and possibly medical intervention. I KNOW you say she's seen someone, but maybe it's time to push for assessment and diagnosis of some disorder, or maybe she needs a different type of intervention. I can see that her behaviours push your buttons, and I understand (I have behaviours that push mine too and it's damned hard to be calm in the face of them). But she needs to see you're on her side, because at the moment she's playing the role of the bad kid. Maybe that's what gets her the attention she craves, or perhaps she's gotten so caught up in her various lies and stories that she can't stop. Talk to her. Tell her you love her. Tell her how much it hurts when she tells lies and steals. Tell her what could happen if she keeps doing it (i.e. grown ups who steal or lie can get into trouble). Ask her if she needs help, and if so, how can you help?