Do you side with your kids or partner?
I know it's a grey area but I don't want to go into details.
When it comes down to it, what should I do?
We are a blended family
Picking sides
Picking sides
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
15 Replies
Without knowing the situation we cannot possibly comment. As in all different circumstances you need to side with different people.
I will always defend my husband however I will also try and defend my kids. Losing their trust is such a big thing and I wouldn't want to do that.
Partner generally speaking, I mean if you don't show a united front you're going to have issues yeah?
That said, I don't really think the whole "taking sides" thing really works with families, blended or otherwise. It's not kids Vs parents or my kids Vs your kids etc.
Sometimes kids mess up, sometimes us parents mess up but if my partner did something I didn't agree with or vice versa, we'd talk about it not jump on the defense, it's not about who's right or wrong - it's about making your family work. I'm guessing you're biggest issue is communicating?
Of course this is all relative without knowing specific issues and it should go without saying if the children's welfare is jeopardized then you obviously take their side to ensure their safety (both physically and emotionally).
You should go slow so that most of the big stuff is sorted before merging and you put your kids first.
Things will constantly evolve and you have to become a family but there are some issues for me where my kids will always come first.
I think you may have asked the wrong question here. I would say that your kids best interests should always come before your partners. Sometimes it is in their best interest for you and he to show a United front and stand behind reasonable boundaries. Other times it will be in their best interest for you to tell your partner to pull his head in. It should never be about sides and it should always be about the kids best interests.
As a child from a blended family I say side with your kids. It took me 35 years to forgive my mum for not supporting me. She was my parent and I should have been her priority
I have ALWAYS stood by “you pick your partners side in front of the kids ALL the time, even if you don’t agree and then behind closed doors, you speak to your partner about the issue (you don’t agree with) with him and come up with a conclusion/resolve it and then go back to the kids with your united front.
It’s so fucking important that your kids see their parents as a team. And there is nothing worse then fighting with your partner ABOUT your kids, IN FRONT of your kids.
Not knowing exactly what your question is regarding, I’ll also add that I will stop a conversation or situation and just say “okay, we are all getting a bit carried away. Time for a break and we will come back to it later”. And then follow what I’ve mentioned above. If it’s massively something I disagree with, I’ll just shut the whole thing down until I’ve talked to him in private
So there have been a couple situations where I feel his gotten to in my kids face and been intimidating and frightening. In the moment I tell him to back off! He then doesn't speak to me for days and nothing gets resolved
In that situation, its kids every time. That behaviour is not acceptable. If hes not sorry for that and wants to sook until its ignored then he will continue to do it. To nip it in the bud you need to follow through until hes coming to you with a conversation about how hes sorry and wont do it again.
Yeah, f that. It’s not even a question. To be honest, I don’t even think I’d still be with someone who treats my kids like that. It is abuse! Yes, he is perpetrating domestic violence on your kids and then on you by ignoring you and trying to manipulate you into letting him abuse your kids! Do not put yourselves through it for one more second!
Please don’t have kids with him if things aren’t peachy and you don’t agree with his methods of parenting, it will be so much more complicated to go your separate ways if you want to.
She just turned 2:(
So that's why I said kids. My step dad would be an asshole and mum never protected me. I would hear her stand up for me later, but she never protected me when I needed it which was then and there. And the behaviour never stopped so I ended up feeling betrayed. It damaged our relationship for many years. And my step dad wasn't physically abusive FYI.
Yeah in that situation, you protect your kids. When it’s regarding their safety, you choose your kids.
I based my answer on discipline or saying no to a bloody ice cream after not eating dinner or something... not the well-being of your babies
In this situation you choose your child every single time. It’s not enough to pull him up after he has done it. It needs ti stop, or he goes. Without a doubt.
Don't pick sides. Have your own opinion. It might be similar to the kids or your partner. Be tactful in response.