A few weeks ago my partner and I were mucking around on the app Snapchat and it came to the filter where it chooses a face from your photos and all these girls faces come up. I asked to see his phone and he got all defensive about it which triggered my alarm bells. Once he was asleep I grabbed the phone and went through it. There was pornographic photos of girls boobs and asses everywhere through it and one happened to be a friend of mine (I’m the kind of woman if you have a partner you don’t look at that shit, I don’t go looking at guys dicks and the fact he always tells me how much he loves my body and it looks nothing like the photos he’s drooling over!). I hit the roof I went absolutely mental even threw my rings back at him. He for once said sorry and looked me in the eye and said it would stop. Which leads me to now, I seen he left his tablet home so I was going to do the lovey dovey hack when I seen the group Handbags and Ballbags pop up. I hate this group with a passion, it is a reason for people breaking up. Alarm bells straight up again so I went into his activity on it. He’s not only “wowing” and “loving” the photos of the boobs and asses but he’s also telling a chick on there that she’s wife material. There’s quite graphic videos from his workmates that he’s also drooling over. I rang him as he’s not home and confronted him. I don’t know why guys have to go out of their way to look at this shit when they say they love their girl at home. I am so hurt and broken by this. I don’t look like these women and I probably never will. Anyone have any advice for me :(
Broken over partners porno photos use
Broken over partners porno photos use
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Men's Business, Relationships, Behaviour
20 Replies
My husband was similar to this it got to the point he would rather watch the porn or look at the pictures than have sex with me. Do some research and look up.porn addiciton. The photos may just be the tip of the iceberg it was for me. We ended up in couples counseling with a counselor that specialises in this area. It was only then that I truly broke down and he was made to watch and listen to how it made me feel it was enough to finally get through to him how much it hurt me. He ended up going cold turkey on the porn and mastubation we also together put programs on the computers and mobs for my piece of mind. I can now safely say he doesn't watch or look at porn.
Sexual intimacy between us definitely is not an issue, when he’s home and not away for work it’s at least 2-3 times a day, yes I am quite a sexual person but to go to this extend is beyond me. He said it stems from boredom while the kids are at school and he has nothing to do. I really don’t know what else to do except pack my bags and leave and have to start my life all over again. I just feel numb and betrayed. I love him to death but I don’t trust him and that hurts even more
I personally don't have a problem with my partner looking at sexy pictures or watching the occasional porno but I think like anything, if it starts interfering with the healthy bounds of a relationship - it's a problem!
What you've described I would not be cool with, because of these alarm bells:
A) He's not just perving on random naked ladies that have been generated by a Google Search, some are ladies he knows personally.
B) He's joining specific groups that allow him to interact with these women (again some of whom he knows on a personal level), it's gone past being a bit of voyeurism. I feel it's almost at the point of being unfaithful.
C) The secrecy.
I don't really have any advice but I don't think it's unreasonable that you're upset.
Thank you! I felt like I was starting to go a little crazy and thinking I was overboard with my reaction but no, secrets are a big no from me. We aren’t talking occasional at all, there’s at least 10 videos a day plus pictures - he’s even signed up to a subscription on a website. I feel very betrayed and the worse thing is we had a pregnancy scare this week. I’m to the point now of with sex I can’t enjoy it because I’m wondering now is he picturing someone else while his eyes are closed.
How did he get a photo of your friend? Did your friends partner share it? If she doesnt know, I would be definitely be letting her know. If she actually sent it to your hubby,that’s a different story, a potential affair?
I would also be worried about what he is sharing of you to his friends.
I found the same photo of her on her social media site which I’m not impressed about but she was also on the same group as him which makes me assume she posted it on there. It was definitely a screenshot not a saved message photo
Wow, some women surprise me, at least you know where it came from, not her personally.
Oh I’m absolutely disgusted. She’s one of my really close friends from primary school but I kinda feel hate towards her now
That’s so yuk, groc, I don’t blame you.
Dont be mad at her - Hes the one that should have respected you. He shouldn't have been on there at all and definitely not shouldn't be saving pics of your friends.
She's entitled to post as many racy pic on social media as she wants, don't hate her because your morals don't align with hers. She's really done nothing wrong to you (I dare say she's oblivious to your partner having screen shots).
The only one responsible for your partners behavior is him, don't forget that!
My advice is 'guys have to go out of their way to look at this shit' isnt true.
Certain guys do, youve learnt something about him. Listen to what youre learning. Thereis no apologising and 'stopping it now' when it's betrayal behaviour. They already know what they're doing.
He has apologised and said it will stop but I just don’t believe him. The big blow up was just 3 weeks ago and it’s still continuing. Must think I’m stupid if I can’t tell.
The issue with porn is that it is so easily accepted and socially used in the wrong way now, I think it actually can make some men have very low standards of woman and expect some of that filth on demand ,
No way he sounds like he is out of touch and I know you can feel it go with your gut!I have seen men like yours and I ignored it worst thing , just gets more demanding and then follows the cheating and wanting to experiment ,!!
Best thing to do is get rid of him he is not worth it and your not even married red flag
As much as I’m hurt by my significant others actions, I’m absolutely disgusted that there’s women especially with some being mothers (yes there was one on there who labelled herself as being a mother) taking such degrading photos of themselves. We all deserve to be admired and adored by people but shouldn’t have to practically sell your body to get whatever kick/boost you’re looking for.
I’m not ignoring it at all, I have never cried that much since I had severe depression and he’s never begged me that much to not leave. We’re meant to be getting married at the end of the year, we’ve been together for quite a few years and have kids together and this is the first major tiff in our whole relationship. He’s agreed to do some counselling which actually surprised me, not many men will do that.
No, you don’t get to blame the women for this. Women can show use their body for whatever purpose they choose, if it’s their choice and they are confident and comfortable, then they can do what they like. Mothers aren’t bound by some strict set of rules that say they have to cut out everything that makes them a person, they are women. Comments like this make you sound jealous and ridiculous, you’re blaming women for your partner being sleazy.
I'm more than fine with my hubby looking at porn. Sometimes he just wants to empty and I don't want sex and either does he. And his imagination sux lol. Masterbation on occasion does not have to stop just because you have a partner. The issue is the comments. He's looking around for another person or still wanting to be chased instead of just wanting a release.
He’s not even masturbating though. He said he doesn’t even “get off” from looking at these women it’s just out of boredom. Sex definitely isn’t an issue in our relationship either, I’m more frisky than he is. I think he’s realised by how livid I was/am that he’s fucked up majorly and could have ruined not only our relationship but our family too.
My partner does the same and we had a big blow up about it recently. We've recently had our 3rd child and during my pregnancy our sex life stopped pretty abruptly which I tried to talk to him about as we'd never had any issues in that department before but he used "you're too big, I don't want to hurt the baby" or "I'm just too tired". A few weeks ago I found the same kind of photos on his phone, hundreds and hundreds of them. I told him it makes me uncomfortable and it'd be good if he'd delete them and stop doing it but he refused. I said him doing this was affecting our sex life. His response to that was to attack me and say that he's hated our sex for our whole relationship because I won't let him do certain things that I feel uncomfortable doing. The things he said were so hurtful, I broke down and was an absolute mess. He'd never complained about our sex in the almost 5 years we've been together until this outburst when I found the pics on his phone. We've not really been intimate since as I don't feel comfortable anymore after the hurtful things he's said. I'm almost at the point of leaving as he hurt me so much and refuses to compromise on this issue. I don't think you're over reacting at all. I just don't understand why men think this is acceptable behaviour when they're in a committed relationship.