I'm 33 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. I don't feel excited or a connection with her. Long story short it's been a horrible pregnancy and very stressful, I've been so sick and in pain with infections and bleeding. Baby's dad has been in and out of our lives with drug and alcohol problems. He's not a bad guy he just has issues. I've had no money and struggling to feed and support the 2 kids I have on a pension. I can't even bring myself to pick up a piece of her clothes or organise and get ready for her birth or buy anything for her. I don't want to give her up for adoption, I know that I must love her. I'm not excited anymore. No one supported my choice to keep her. Baby's dad goes back and forth from telling me I should have gotten rid of her, to saying he doesn't want anything to do with her to saying he will fight for full custody, to saying he wants to get clean and be there for us. Im scared. My eldest son has disabilities and I'm scared how I'll cope with 3 kids. I don't remember being this disconnected in my previous pregnancies. I'm really angry and upset at myself for feeling this way. I want to be happy. I had to leave pregnancy Facebook pages because it made me depressed. I can't afford maternity clothes or to make a pretty nursery or do all the nice things you do to celebrate pregnancy. At one point it got so bad I took myself to hospital because I had thoughts of harming myself but I don't want to hurt my baby. They increased my meds and sent me to a maternity psych but all we did was talk about medication. The hospital are going to keeping an eye on me for post natal depression. I want to tell the baby's father how I feel but I'm too embarrassed. I don't know what to do or how to allow myself to connect with her because all I do is cry. I feel like an awful mum. I know lots of people can't have babies. I have lost a pregnancy myself and it was horrible. I'm worried how if she is okay because of the stress too. I'm so scared.
3 Replies
1. Once you've had her, look into contraception and what you can do to prevent further pregnancies occurring.
2. Contact your local health nurse or midwife and discuss how you're feeling. You're not alone, plenty of other mum's have felt disconnected and second guessed themselves. They won't judge you, they'll support you.
3. You don't need lots of money for your children to be happy. Your love and support is enough so don't be hard on yourself at all regarding not having a pretty nursery. Chances are she'll share your bed for a while and that "pretty" nursery will mean jackshit. Also, maternity clothes are overrated. A pair of leggings from Kmart for $8 is what I lived in and just my usual tops. Plus, you're heavily pregnant so aren't expected to look a million bucks.
4. YOU HAVE GOT THIS! It's going to be tough. But you can do it.
5. I'd decide on whether to kick her dad to curb for good. It seems like he has a lot of his own struggles going on and may not mentally be ready to take her on. That will be bringing you down a lot also. You need to do what is best for you.
Lots of parents don't attach until after the bub is born and is starting to interact with them. Don't panic. If you were a mean mum this wouldn't be bothering you. And since that means you aren't a mean mum, you will love and protect this child like you do your other children in time. Xx
I felt like that with my last two. My pregnancy with my 4 month old was super stressful with relationship issues / housing and money as well. It took me until about 2/3 weeks ago to start feeling human again. I didn't really connect until about week 6. Babies don't need a lot. Just get the basics. It doesn't matter if it's new or pretty. As long as it's comfortable and safe.
With two others already especially one with disabilities you're probably run down. Take it easy, you won't connect if you're exhausted. Similar situation here with additional needs, the work load not to mention the mental load can be overwhelming, you just don't have time or energy to worry about being maternal.