Hey ladies.
We have recently lost my father in our family . We have two kids 8 and 5 , they have never been to a funeral let alone experienced death of the human family , only aninal family . What are your throughs on taking kids to funerals and not taking them ?
Really unsure on which way to go right now
10 Replies
My parents decided I wasn't going to my nan's funeral and I was devastated. I was 7. Still wish I had gone. My kids went to my grandfather's funeral 18 months ago... 6 and 3. They were great and asked questions, but it didn't upset them and my eldest says it was special that he got to go.
So sorry for your loss x
We lost my father in law last year and at the time my kids were 4 and almost 7. The 4 year old didn't come, but my oldest did. He was very close to his Grandpa and I think it helped his grieving process.
I lost my own mum when I was 8 and I went to her funeral too.
However I think it's a very personal decision. Only you know your kids, and their relationship with their grandfather.
If you do take them just prepare them for people being upset etc. Make sure you have someone there who could take them out if it becomes too much - this is a service that may be able to be provided by the funeral home. We also had my best friend sit up the front with us to give my son some extra support, so I could comfort my husband too.
All the best
I was 14 when my grandfather (mums side) died, my mum didnt allow me to go to his funeral. Instead I was made go to school with this on my mind all day, it still hurts to this day!
A few years prior to this my Aunt and grandparents passed (dads side) within 6 months of each other and my dad forgot to ask if we wanted to go. Admittedly i didnt know them well but it kind of made me feel I wasn't allowed to grieve.
Your kids are a little younger so I do understand your reservations but I see funerals as another part of life, we should let our kids experience it!
So true. I was not allowed to as a child so the time I had to deal with it, it was for someone I was broken up about and I had no skills to manage myself in that situation.
Let them come. I don't think there's any valid reason to keep children from funerals personally. Death is feared too much in our society, yet it is something we have to experience sooner or later. My only advice would be to possibly arrange for someone they know and trust to be there should they suddenly decide they don't want to be there or find it too upsetting. When my mother-in-law passed my husbad's ex (mother of his first child - they have a good relationship) was there and was able to take the children out of the room if and when needed which took the pressure off my hubby, his brothers, sisters-in-law and his sister.
Depends on the situation....My nana who was living with us at the time of her death and my son was in the hospital the night she passed, was eight and I didn’t feel it was right to shut him out at the last stage of the journey, given he went through the rest. He came to the funeral and he coped fine, I think he needed to see the way it ended and how we show our respects, it was a good lesson for him. I think it depends on the child, he is very mature and the circumstances surrounding the death, there’s no one size fits all. You know your kids best xxx
I was 9 when I lost my first grandparent and both my sister who was 5 at the time and I both went. I dont really remember much of the service. I was 15 when I lost my second and I am so glad I went and is something I treasure to this day as we learnt a lot about my grandfather that he would not speak of when alive. This was also open casket and even though my parents didnt want me to see I did and found it very peaceful.
I think it really depends on the relationship your children had with your father also. If they were close and knew who he was then definetly let the kids have a chance to say their goodbyes too. It is a part of life as unfortunate as it is.
I think it's fine for a 'natural' death, meaning from sickness or old age. It's likely to be a peaceful, beautiful goodbye as everyone has had time to process it. For sudden death I would rethink taking them because emotions will be so raw it could be traumatic for young children to witness it.
I lost both my parents within 8 weeks of each other in 2015,I didnt let my kids go to there funerals ( nor did they want to go ) ,they were 10 & 12. I didnt want them to see me so upset,plus I thought there is plenty of time in there lifetime to experience the extreme sadness that funerals are. I think the decision is a very personal one.
My dad was a big part of my kids life and i know he would want them thereso i explained what happens at a funeral and told them its our final goodbyes.... im so glad they were there, dont take that away from them. Let them be.
My kids were 6 and 9 at the time. Im eldest asked after whether grandpa was in the box? I said yes, he is buried in the ground and his spirit goes to the sky.