I get the whole 'proud daddy' thing but is this a bit much?
I'm due to give birth to our bub in a couple of months, and when talking about the baby, my partner tends to ALWAYS comment, 'I hope it eats/cries/has same personality/sleeps/etc like my first child', his only child from a previous relationship.
I get that he adores his child, but I'm sick of him always hoping its 'perfect' like his first.
Its not just on the odd occasion that he says these things, its EVERY time we talk about our baby.
I'm almost ready to say, 'Well maybe you should've had another baby with your ex then?' I'm not jealous of his ex, by the way.
In my opinion, his child is just like any 6yr old. I guess in his eyes, they are the apple of his eye.
Should I say something about this or just grit my teeth and ignore it?
I'm worried if this baby is less than perfect, it will be all my fault!!!!!
Worried my child won't live up to partner's expectations
Worried my child won't live up to partner's expectations
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy
6 Replies
I’d say something. Don’t ignore it. Gently remind him that this child will be his own person, and will have his own unique personality and you are worried he is expecting a carbon copy.
Bring it up now.
Id guess the first child was either easy,or he wasnt there for it, so thats what hes hoping for. Everyone wants an easy baby. It wont be anyones FAULT, it will be a reality check for him, never confuse that! Of course the child won't be perfect and wont be a carbon copy of #1 but it will also become the apple of both your eyes he just cant imagine a new and different baby yet. I think thats normal.
I kind of see where he MIGHT be coming from.
My first slept through the night from very early on, took to solids at six months like a champ and ate everything and anything I gave him. He was generally a happy, chilled out relaxed baby that I was really fearful about my second being the complete opposite. And I probably said those things a few times too. Thank god she also did all the same Hingis he did and was maybe actually easier again.
I think these are just genuine fears and he might just be open enough with you to express them as much as he does (which is a lot and very often)...
Is this your first child?
I still think it’s worth just saying something lightly. That every baby is different and every circumstance/baby is different. But that you’re confident that you guys will both love and adore this baby as much as he loves his first.
You hear of mums saying all the time “I don’t know how I could possibly love another baby as much as I love my first” and stressing about the second child. Maybe it’s just a case of that but he doesn’t express it that way.
No not my first. So I know that all babies/children are VERY different. He's really amped up the adoration on his kid in the last few weeks though, like she can do no wrong. Worried how he will treat our new bub if he isnt 'up to scratch'.
I have 3 children who are full biological siblings, they are all like chalk and cheese. No 2 babies are alike, they all have different sleeping patterns and crying habits and most importantly - they are all individual people with individual needs and unique personalities!
I think you need to talk to him about it, it sounds like his first child has been pretty breezy. It sounds like you have a more realistic view. I would tell him he needs to reign in his expectations because he's setting himself up for a rude wake up call once he realises this baby isn't a clone of their big sibling!
I thought my first was easy, then I had my second who was easier than the first, then I had my third and realised the first 2 weren't easy at all they were just normal babies. Number 3 was a dream from the start. When we have nothing to compare it to we just don't know what easy is or isn't. I used to babysit for my friend who still brags to this day how good her only child was as a baby but she was actually a very difficult baby she would not sleep and you could not put her down. Next time he starts comparing just ask him "what if that does not happen?".