What is expected of your 7 almost 8 year old independence wise.
My son is soon to Be 8 but omg I feel like he is 4 or 5.
He is capable of doing things himself but just WONT!
I am a single mum of 3 my youngest being 10 months.
My 7year old will not get his own drink of water (from tap or fridge), won’t get his own snacks even if I tell him to if I’m busy breastfeeding the baby he will ignore me and continue complaining about wanting it. He won’t put his own shoes on, won’t pack his own lunch (I make it but put the lunch box and water bottle on the bench and ask him to pack it then as we aren’t. Leaving I see it’s not been done) when I’m in the shower it’s the WORST... he stands at my ensuit door saying ‘mum can you get me this or that’ knowing full well I am having a shower... he won’t look at me naked (his choice and what he is comfortable with) but will stand right there just asking me for things and I get so frustrated like cmon mate I have been busting my ass all day your more then capable of getting yourself a bottle of water or popper from the fridge or peeling your own banana. But then when I think about it I have mum guilt for feeling like he should be doing more for himself like in being mean to him... so my question is what is expected of your child the same age... oh and housework is an absolute NO NO for him. I asked him to refill the dogs water yesterday and complained about it for 10 minutes and then just walked inside.
7 Replies
This is the thing I learnt the hard way. My child would request things over and over again, because he knew I’d eventually give in.
Stop doing, even if he goes without a drink for hours and continually asks.
I’d also lock the bathroom door from now on.
If he doesn’t put his shoes on he can go to school without them on.
Yep stop giving in.
I always say “I have said no, and I will NOT be changing my mind. You do such and such yourself”.
All the things you’ve mentioned I feel are appropriate for a 7 year old to be doing for himself, he just knows if he complains long enough that you’ll give in and do it for him.
When my kids nag and carry on like this, the only words I utter are
"I'm your Mum, not your slave"
"but I'm thirsty"
"not your slave"
" but I need a drink"
"not your slave!"
"but Mum I -"
"I am not your slave..."
It gets old very quickly lol!
I do kind of wonder of its an attention thing for your son though, it kind of sounds like you've inadvertently reinforced that this is how you get a bit of attention from mum. Maybe with 2 little siblings this he just craves a bit of one on one time with you!
So I would try that and try some positive reinforcement when he displays desired behavior and try to ignore the negative behavior!
Yes, I think you've nailed this. Maybe see if you can carve out some positive one on one time with him, do something you both love like reading together or crafting. He probably feels like you do so much for his younger siblings. Maybe put emphasis on how grown up he is and how awesome it is that he can get his own water or snack etc.
Oh that would make me insane!! Ok it's important not expect too much and stress them, sometimes you have to set things up to make them independent ie) fill water bottles and store where he can grab his own water bottle, break tasks down. Keeping bananas and yoghurt on the bottom shelf. But he is definitely capable of getting his own snack and drink. My six year old gets the drinks and sauces ready for everyone for dinner.
It seems like he has a very bad case of whinging at you to get you to do things for him - And you need to break that. set him up with water and fruit, and there's nothing else he really can't wait for. So everything else he needs he has a five minute window from when he asks to get it for himself or with your help/ instructions if it's the first time, and if he doesn't, then he misses out, the answer is no and if he nags the answer is no and he goes to his room.
I would start enforcing to WAIT, ask once and wait. Let him know you've heard him and to WAIT. Then make time for him, praise him for waiting, then help him get it for himself. Same again, if he carries on and won't do it for himself, the answer becomes NO. Then if he whinges, he goes to his room. When he comes out, ask him if he'd like to have another go at getting that thing for himself. One offer, yes or no.
Start out just waiting a tiny amount of time so he gets to understand what is happening, make sure you make the time for him and walk him through doing it for himself. If he doesn't wait, or refuses to do something simple you're asking him to do, answer is no and if he nags again, to his room for ten minutes.
He'll soon get it.
My son was like that at that age, he is ten now and I can’t keep him out of the fridge lol I had to spoon feed him until 3, he was very skinny and wouldn’t eat otherwise. He just grew out of it to be honest, I didn’t do anything major.
For my four year old girl I expect her to be able to get snacks from the pantry or a drink/yoghurt from the fridge. She can't open the yoghurt or banana but she must get them. She needs to clean up any mess after her friends come over in every room that they mess up. She needs to put her clothes in the washing basket, put her dirty plates/cutlery/cups near the sink, she puts on her own shoes, packs her lunch for school and helps pack her lunch box with direction. I'd expect that plus more from a 7 year old. She is starting to have more chores (like watering plants etc) but in saying this I am extremely blessed that she will do what I request. She complains the whole time while doing things at times but knows it's non negotiable.