My eldest son will be 18 early next year, I caught him and his mate smoking marijuana a few weeks back.. I was so upset. I drove his mate home, grounded my son, took away his phone, PS4, his bank card, we spoke about the dangers of drugs for hours.. yesterday I came home from work and he was high again, I have no idea what to do now. I’ve spoken to other mothers, some say “at least he does it at home” that still doesn’t sit right with me but I don’t feel as though I can stop it. He doesn’t drink alcohol as he has gurt and it makes him feel sick, he also suffers from anxiety and said pot makes him relax. He is nearly an adult with is hard enough to accept let alone this. I have tried to keep him off anti depressants as it’s linked to some suicides but now I feel he is self medicating. The doctors just get out their script pads. I don’t do drugs I hate them. But is it better then antidepressants? is pot a gateway to the harder stuff? In desperate need of advice. (Side note, he is a great respectful kid, never has any trouble with him before)
39 Replies
Your ignorance of mental health is astounding, believe me, depressed people not on anti depressants are more likely to suicide than those on treatment, smh. Please get him the treatment/medication he deserves and teach him healthy ways of dealing with his anxiety I.e. talking to a psychologist, getting the required medication. Get your head out of the sand and give your son the assistance he needs.
He is self medicating - that's dangerous, also improperly diagnosed and untreated depression is more likely to lead him to suicide than taking prescribed medication!
You need to educate yourself about mental health, particularly in young men. Suicide in men is at epidemic proportions at the moment, get him the help he needs!
You're going to get the Pro Weed people pushing their agendas with this topic and people who think weed is harmless, I implore you to ignore them. Sitting around smoking dope is a band aid fix for his anxiety and depression, it will get to the point he can't function without it.
He needs medical attention sooner than later!
Not to mention the potential of it triggering a psychotic episode in my developing brain 😳
I suggest mum complete a youth mental health first aid course. All parents and carers of teens should do this
Marijuana is a depressant, in a bad way, so no it’s not better than antidepressants and anti anxiety medication.
People with untreated depression/anxiety are well known to self medicate!
Unfortunately your son is at an awkward age now, where you can’t really do much other than encourage him to get actual treatment and enforce the rules of the house (no using drugs in our house).
Another problem with marijuana is it’s impossible to monitor/control dosage of active ingredients, and it’s highly addictive. It’s much much harder for a doctor to monitor dosage and compliance to treatment.
He has a predisposition to mental health conditions and marajuana can cause psychosis. He's also self medicating with a drug that will make his anxiety worse in the long term. Medication stabilises his brain chemicals to what they should be and reduces his risk. Speak to someone who can take the time to explain this to you because your understanding of mental illness and pharmacotherapy needs some education and support
No its not better than medication and medical treatment by professionals. Thats a copout. Nothing us better than seeing psych and practicing strategies to manage anxiety.
But hes not doing that, so yeah, getting stoned would feel good. It does. Thats why he does it. It doesnt solve anything though. It doesnt give any management strategies and in the long run dependence has some pretty shitty effects.
In saying all that, if he was making effort to manage his anxiety, going for exercise, spending time outside doing enjoyable things, seeing a psychologist, considering meds if he needs it, then I would support having an odd night of marijuana use. I think frequency is important.
Also to add - youll lose him when you talk about the dangers of drugs when hes smoking pot at home.
You’re stopping. Him from taking anti depressants
I think you need some help
He needs help and you’re preventing it! No wonder he turned to weed
The son is responsible for his choice to take drugs. Don’t put that on the mother. She came here for constructive advice... not to be told it’s her fault. People get through depression and anxiety every day without making the poor choice to use them.
Sheesh I thought this was called imperfect mum not bitch Mums that think they know the ins and outs of everybody’s life beyond nd a post. Not all methods work the same way ladies so stop being arseholes and help rather than attack. “Hint” your child is probably taking weed and not telling you because of your disgusting judgement!
OK while I agree with a lot of what these comments say I think some of them are too harsh. The poster is writing in asking for constructive advice and sounds like she wants to help her son turn this around. To the OP I would recommend that you consider medication and any medical assistance to help him manage his depression and anxiety. Talk to your doctor and tell him your concerns. I think you will find the benefits will far outweigh the risks. He may be an adult but you can make it crystal clear you won’t have drugs of any kind in your home and you won’t have anyone on them in your house. He needs to stop kidding himself. Drugs are not helping him - they are a depressant and are without a doubt doing just the opposite of that. I wish you all the best.
Agreed, some people need to think before they speak. This is supppsed to be a support forum but I have seen many harsh and judgemental comments on here of late it’s a disgrace. Very disillusioned with this page and it’s “supportive mums” 😡
My sibling always had some mental health issues that weren’t ever treated appropriately or taken seriously for that matter. She turned to marijuana and I can tell you it ruined her. It made her depressed. So she would use it as a pick me up. And then she got used to it so needed more. And more. And then she needed something else to chase the high. Ecstasy, ice.. probably others we weren’t aware of. She was a walking zombie and had no care for anyone else around her because she was so mentally incapable from the drugs.
She went to rehab. She’s now on anti depressants and has ways to cope with her anxiety and she’s a whole new person. But she does have long term effects from the excessive drug use
Thankyou while I apreciate your responses, I would like to point out that I do have an understanding of mental illness, I’m not sitting here with my head in the sand, my son has specialized weekly counciling, does meditation, Yogo, daily fitness, keeps a job and maintains a normal life, his anxiety is something that occurs sparatically and we have a very through safety plan and steps to manage it, I and his councilor didn’t think it necessary to medicate him daily for something that occurs only sometimes, especially when there are still other options for us. I was asking about drug use, how we control it when they are becoming adults, I was explaining his reasoning for using it. Luckily for me I know that I’m a good mother, my child’s best interest is always my main concern and I’m not afraid to ask for advice. Other mothers who are easy intimidated by such harsh judgement may next time not even bother asking.
I would just be aware thats the same excuse they all give - its harmless, it helps, its natural and not even bad like cigs or alcohol and thats legal, the systems fucked they dont care about you just taxes etc etc etc.
At the end of the day its your home and your choice. I would enforce it that way. Theres no way I would have smoked at home but then my friends parents smoked and couldnt have cared less that we did too, it wasnt an issue. What you allow would be completely up to you.
You said the reason you didnt medicate was due to suicide, not because his anxiety is sporadic and that medical advice has been not to. We can only go off what you tell us. Although the self medicating may be a clue that you need to revisit the medication idea and maybe he isn’t being completely honest with you regarding the extent of his mental health problems. The fact he is a good kid otherwise, makes me think he is indeed self medicating as opposed to rebelling or experimenting with drugs.
Question, has anybody actually looked up the statistics of suicise due to marijuana and the suicide rates due to anti depressants?
I think a lot of you ladies would be very suprised and actually it may seem that you ladies are the people that are not educated when it comes to the dangers of pharmaceuticals
It is attacks like this that lead many to drugs in itself, good job ladies. Do ur research and come back with you statistics. To the poster, I’m sure this would have been a very difficult decision to make but when it comes down to it, your son is almost 18 so he can either do it around you or secretly. Only you know tour son, follow your gut and fuck the terrible one eyed opinion of those that don’t know you or your son like you do.
Hands up which of you lovely mummy’s give your child an adhd pill when they chuck a tanty at the supermarket.. the pharmaceutical company would make a mint out of you lot!
Apart from a few comments here I am disgusted in the judgement. How many of you ladies have a glass of wine to relax at the end of the day or when work/kids have worn you down. Are u self medicating? Hmmmmm hypocrites!
Lots of people self medicate with alcohol actually just most people won't admit it, alcohol addiction is just as big of a problem.
However, 1 glass of wine isn't really in the same ball park as getting baked to deal with anxiety, it's apples and oranges!
Any substance will be a problem if you abuse it, doesn't matter if it's alcohol, pot, prescription meds, whatever!
This young man might not be right in the throws of substance abuse yet but mental health and addiction frequently go hand in hand, they feed each other.
Better to deal with it now while it's a small problem than wait til it's a huge one!
One glass a day can lead to a bottle so not really irrelevant
Precisely! One glass CAN lead to a bottle, if someone is drinking bottle a day to escape their problems that is the exact definition of self medicating which is exactly my point, substance abuse is substance abuse - people with mental health issues do not want to go down that road.
This mum is quite right to be concerned about her son using drugs, I'm certainly no doctor but I really don't think dope is going to help.
Those that live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, so if your a Mum that has a glass of wine each night then keep the nasty judgement to themselves as they are in fact self medicating hypocrites.
There has been some unhelpful and judgemental comments here but I really don't see how pointing out that, yes, it appears he is self medicating is being judgemental?
I actually think recognising that is an integral part of getting him the help he needs!
You have obviously not read some of the vile attacking responses. Also let’s not forget that this teenager is actually almost 18, not 12 and that it is better for Mum to monitor usage rather than send him somewhere else since she can no longer tell the teen what to do, short of kicking the teen out possibly leading to further damage. Also
I’m saying that I think we all
In this day and age have a predisposition to mental health issues. Also let’s talk about the highly addictive anti depressants that the doctors are dishing out left right and centre, where after a while they up the dosage every time you build a tolerance, it is absolute hell for a lot to come off those things but hey if it’s doctor prescribed then it must be ok right??? You guys are only seeing marijuana then
Looking at the situation one eyed, seriously ladies look at the situation the ENTIRE situation then dig deep and see if you have any empathy, compassion and understanding for this woman that is in a situation with her basically adult child that she has no control over yet to support him in a supervised manner. I shouldn’t have had to explain this to grown women but welcome to our society of women being cruel to women because being better is more important than knowing better.
Look, I never said this kid should be medicated. It's not up to us random internet strangers to decide whether he should or shouldn't be taking prescribed medication. That's a decision for him and his doctor!
This whole post just proves there's still so much stigma and misinformation surrounding mental health, education is key which is what a lot of the comments have been saying (and yes, I did read them all and I acknowledged some were not helpful). The OP asked if her son was self medicating, we answered - yes.
My point was that using any kind of crutch to stabilise or regulate your own moods (aka, self medicating) is a bad idea. I have been there, I've seen many other people go there too.
Of course getting high or drunk makes you feel great, but then you're sober again and the feelings all come back. It's that vicious cycle that gets people chasing the high which in turn can lead them down the dark path of addiction. That's not a one eyed opinion, it's a very real possibility!
Every single person I know who smokes marijuana has become reliant on it, every single one of them has become a shell of the person they once were. Many of them become violent and aggressive if they go without pot. Every one of them started smoking as teenaged rebellion, teenaged rebellion or self medicating - either way, it's not a gamble your son should be taking!
2 separate people I know have been involuntarily admitted to a psych ward and have been diagnosed with drug induced skitzophrenia.
Both of whom were heavy pot smokers and had underlying mental health issues and they'll now be on a bunch of anti psychotics and anti depressants for life.
I'm glad you're trying to be proactive about this, but given that he's turning to pot to cope with his anxiety it would seem that the yoga and therapy he's already doing may not be enough. I think the best place to start would be telling his counselor that he's using pot and I really think it's time to consider anti anxiety meds.
What ever you decide to do, please get some guidance from a professional, someone who's qualified to give you the best advice!.
Edited to add: I don't think punishment will help here either - grounding him and taking his electronics, essentially treating him like a naughty kid will I think push him deeper into this hole.
At this stage I think a hardline "no drugs in the house" rule is something you could implement, but most importantly I think you need to support him and help him take control of his mental health, as he is on the verge of adulthood. This will be something he will need to manage for life and have the confidence within himself to do effectively.
As I said, I really think starting with his counselor is the best move.
Nobody I know that has smoked pot in the past has ever gotten aggressive when not having it or become a shell of themselves, that’s very unusual hmmm maybe they are hitting the harder stuff. Alcohol is far worse.
I don't disagree, alcohol is a massive problem. We have a not so positive drinking culture in Australia and people get defensive if you question it, we aren't talking about alcohol though.
Alcohol problems don't negate the fact that pot, when abused, is still a problem.
My father in law used to smash holes in the walls and lay into his wife and kids if he couldn't scrounge up $25 for a stick. My brother gets edgy, has massive mood swings and can't sleep if he's got no pot, he can't hold down a job because of this and the fact he's been done for dui's more times than I can count. Coincidentally, he doesn't drink a drop!
I've seen friends that have turned to amphetamines when pot doesn't hit the spot anymore....
The common denominator - they are all regular users of pot, all reliant on pot. I have seen so much devastation caused by pot addiction, nothing will convince me that regular use of it is not going to cause issues. Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it's not happening.
Regular use of pot can and does cause many issues in people already predisposed to mental health conditions.
My point was, mental health (particularly in young men) is very closely linked with addiction and substance abuse. This lad sounds like he's got a lot going for him, I really don't think this is a path he wants to travel.
The beauty of this world is that not all people respond the same to everything hence why yours and my experiences differ entirely. No answer is right and no answer is wrong, the world is based on trial and error and it’s called life.
The beauty of this world is that not all people respond the same to everything hence why yours and my experiences differ entirely. No answer is right and no answer is wrong, the world is based on trial and error and it’s called life.
My husband and brother-in-law have both struggled with pot addiction for years. It really impacts my husbands moods, I know when he is back smoking pot again as he gets progressively more irritable and aggressive. He gets to a point where he needs pot to stay calm. My brother-in-law is very much the same. It most certainly can make people aggressive when they don’t have it. I have lived it.
It’s just like any other addictive substance, alcohol, nicotine, amphetamines, prescription drugs, it can drive people to feel they need it to feel normal / calm / good. It can make them feel agitated, aggressive, stressed, unable to sleep etc. without it.
My sister was the same, she would go to any length to get the drug and would hurt people along the way in order to do so.
Have you taken him in? When I had anxiety the doctor gave me something to help me sleep until I could get into treatment. It was around a lot of public holidays for otherwise I’m guessing she wouldn’t have given me it as it was enough to cover the fortnight. Get him help if you can.
I have a 17 year old who smokes too. In fact this is my second go around the round about. Try not to panic, it is incredibly normal and common for teens to dabble and try weed. Not many of them don’t. The trick is getting them out the other side so it doesn’t become a lifetime habit.
Keep talking to him about the dangers of drugs, keep showing him an example of a drug free home. Keep making it unacceptable. Let him know you’re aware it is common and that he might try it here or there but that it is not a viable permanent life choice.
On the anxiety / depression, perhaps you should seek treatment. Mental health is often a brain chemistry problem which requires medication like any other imbalance. Ignoring it can have much more risk than treatment. I’m not sure why you feel antidepressants are linked to suicide, but I urge you to seek more education, and professional advice, so you can more accurately weigh up the risks of specific medications vs the risk of unmanaged mental illness.
Good luck, as terrifying as it is for us parents, he really does sound like a normal teen to me. If he is respectful and considerate as you say, then it sounds like you are doing a great job. He will make decisions you disagree with, and indulge in some behaviours you’d rather he didn’t, it’s part of becoming an adult. It is not a failing on your, or his, part.
The best advice I have, is not to let your fear sever the communication between you. Your role as a parent is shifting from being in charge, to being a supporter, and it’s a difficult transition! Your son will do what he wants to do regardless of whether you try to stop him or not. But he will be safer if he has your support, instead of having to hide things from you and tackle the world alone.
Is it anxiety?
My hubby is on anti anxiety meds...has made a HUGE difference to his behaviour.
He has ADHD so Alcohol and drugs are no good for his brain.
He has said his brain is crazy, it won't stop.
I can tell when he hasn't taken them as he is irrational.
Maybe take him to help out at shelters, see the end result.
I grew up around people on drugs, because of them I never touched anything.
You're denying him medical treatment then have a tantrum when he finds something else to medicate with?
Why did you even have children?
He deserves respect which means he deserves to be treated by professionals. Let him go on antidepressants.
Stop being so ignorant.
Get him into a good child and adolescent psychiatrist and psychologist.
And find yourself a good family counselor. With the right supports around you it’ll be less daunting and lonely
See a naturopath or an open minded psychiatrist and get him on some medicinal canabis. All the benefits without the high