Hi.
I don't know what to do. Ling story sorry.
I have been married for 15 yrs have 3 kids separated 4 times but I let him come home 2 yrs ago. We have what I call a parentship.
We live in the same house but use separate doona whilst sleeping in the same bed there is no sex and we are not attracted to each other but our kids get both of there parents in the same house. There is no fighting no joint bank accounts and we have no social life. The house we rent is a small 3br and we have been offered to move into a 5br 2 story place that is one of his family members. Hubby will get a share of this inheritance when the owner passes.
It would mean the kids would have there own rooms and give them opportunity to have a lifelong home.
However I will have to give up my place if we go. I know that i wont ever get a place for this price again if i give it up but i want to ensure the kids would have a nice place to live and financial security in the event of something happening to me. The kids are excited about the idea and the place could be beautiful . I'm just not sure if I can continue to sacrifice my happiness for the sake of the kids having both of us under 1 roof. Dont get me wrong i dont want anything bad to happen to him and he is generally a good bloke but we have nothing in common and our future wants are completly different. I just don't know if I should stay or go. There is a lot more to the story but i think yoy get the gist. Please only constructive replies. X
Should I go or stay
Should I go or stay
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
7 Replies
Personally I would stay and let him move. Make the seperation permanent. You are not doing yourselves or your kids any favours coexisting like this. This is not living its just existing for the sake of kids. Neither of you can move on with your lives like this. Kids are pretty resliliant and will adjust to having 2 homes.
Do you eventually want to find love again? Do you eventually want to move on with someone else? If yes, then don’t go.
If you could spend the rest of your life like this, then possibly. But who would want to live half in and half out of something?
What is his intention re your relationship once the kids are older?
If you go he decides he wants to move on with someone else he asks you to leave you have to find your own place. You're alreasy basically seperated under one roof. You move in to a place thats his you've lost your stability.... it might last a month it might last years in the new place but your both already unhappy the moment one of you decides you want to move on it will be another upheaval for you. Bite the bullet seperate now. Least the kids will still know your place and it will be a "safe place" in a time of change
Sounds like the perfect time to make the separation official. You stay in yours, he moves to the new place. The kids get two loving happy households from which to live
Kids are happy if parents are happy. May be hard at first if you leave.
Especially how are you meant to find someone else or him if your living under the same roof let alone the same bed?!
If you are wanting to still stay under the same roof, that’s your personal choice.
Maybe even rent out your current house so you can have that stability for the future if that’s the only thing that’s worrying you.
Based on what you've written, the answer here is very clear to me. Let him move and you stay in the place you're in now. If you're already separated under the same roof with seperate finances it shouldn't be a messy split. If you continue to co-parent amicably the children will be fine. You will feel so free! Good luck :)