Hi, I was just wondering if you could please post my question anonymously?
I need help. Please.
My 16 year old daughter moved in with her 18 year old boyfriend in March (against our wishes). We have now heard from more than one person they are planning to move to SA (we are in QLD) within 10 days.... is there anything we can do to stop it? They have been together 12 months, he has a variety of mental illnesses that result in him being unable to work often, they rarely go visit anyone, incapable of leaving bed at times & unwilling to have others (repairmen, friends, family etc) enter their home due to them bringing in ‘outside germs’. He is not actively seeking help or under any treatment. In the last 9 months we have watched her go from a straight A year 10 student, to refusing to go back to school this year, and to back away from any friendships she had - other than 1 couple that he is also friends with. She has backed right away from our family, & even her 5 year old sister who she has always adored - she has only seen her 4 times (we live in a small country town). I am so worried about her if they move so far away. Already she goes through days at a time where he won’t even speak to her. At this point all I know is that they’re possibly moving in with one of his friends down there as they have no savings for a move. I have tried numerous times to talk to her (and am always careful to tread lightly), have told her that she always has her room here... I am petrified of what this is doing to my once independent, carefree girl. Is there ANYTHING I can do to stop her from going? Thank you.
3 Replies
I feel for you and had a similar situation with my daughter when she was 16. She left to live with a family member against my wishes then moved in with her partner. She was also an independent straight A kid with the world at her feet, then dropped out. I have seen her only a few times in the last 2 years. She is better this year with communication we talk regularly now and she's started to take on some direction. Unfortunately not much you can do. You could try Childrens services given his mental health issues, they may see it as she is at risk but given her age I'm doubtful they will rush things. She will probably turn 18 before it comes up on the list and it will be out of their hands. Could also call police and ask if anything can be done to stop her leaving the state. 16 is the new adult unfortunately, they are untouchable.
If I am being honest with you, is there any chance of substance abuse? This sounds textbook like my sister was and she was heavily on drugs.
I'm sorry to hear this. 11 years ago I was your daughter, I did more or less the same thing to my parents. My partner was not mentally ill but had no job and little intention of getting one. Aged 16, I dropped out of school and moved across country with him, only giving my parents a weeks notice. It will be so hard for you at first but if you push and forbid her to go she will most likely rebel and push back, coming to resent you for it. I can almost without doubt tell you that their relationship will not last and when it does break down (six months for me) expect a phone call asking if she can come home to her family! That's what I did and my parents welcomed me home without judgement or consequence despite the heartbreak and worry I'd put them through. I can honestly say the experience has made me more adventurous, however, it also taught me independence, responsibility and a lot about how relationships should be!! I really hope it works out for you all.