With school holidays coming up I just wanted to see what others do and don’t allow.
Because, I’m puzzled myself with my own thoughts, trying to do the best for everyone and trying to keep everyone safe but at the same time still letting people down and I’m being judged for my own decisions.
Mum of 4, (ranges 2-11) I don’t allow them to travel with only 1 adult long distance I don’t like doing it even 100kms let alone 500 or more. And not wanting an 11 year old in the front seat of the car. No one is agreeing with me on these 2 things... like they want me to not follow my own rules? maybe I’m wrong with the rules? Maybe I’m over protective?
Do you let your children travel away to stay with their grandparents? Do you have a limit as to how far away from home that may be? Wether it’s 100km or 500km or 1000km does that affect your decision? Do you allow your children to travel distances with only 1 adult in the car?
And lastly would you let your 2 year old go away with their siblings to grandparents house without you for a week? Apparently I’m a sook and need to let the 2 year old go... am
I the sook?
School holiday visits and travel
School holiday visits and travel
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Kids
19 Replies
I have 4 and 2 year olds and neither of them would travel to stay with grandparents for any period of time without me... full stop...
They don’t even have sleep overs with grandparents who live in the same town unless it’s a very very rare occasion that I need a night off which has been TWICE lol
OK so no on both accounts in my situation because my parents are idiots, however if I trusted them I'd let them travel far and wide with my kids, I'd relish the idea of my kids having that kind of relationship with their grandparents and I'd encourage it!
The traveling with 1 adult I find a bit odd, you either trust somebody with your kid or you don't, distance isn't really a factor, someone doesn't turn into a predator after 100kms. Doesn't matter if they're in the next room or the next state, if you don't fully trust that person they shouldn't be alone together period!
11 year old I'm front seat, yeah over the top but your kid your rules I guess.
2 year old going away for a week - no. My kids weren't even sleeping through the night at that age. They wouldn't have coped for that long.
Thanks for your reply. Sorry you don’t get along with your parents that alone can make life challenging at times.
It isn’t a ‘predator’ kind of fear with the travel it’s the safety of everyone. Children can misbehave in the car and longer trips can make it even harder so more of a concern safety wise with driver distraction etc. especially for a 5 hour long trip thats without stops so long drive. I encourage the relationship with them for sure and they have gone before, mainly the 2 older ones and the 3rd child has gone aswell just not until they were about 4. When they have gone before it’s not 1 adult driving usually we would drop them there or both grandparents pick them up.
With four kids in the car, I’m sure they will have to stop more often than five hours 😂😂😂
They won't stop for food, drinks, toilets? 10 minutes at a playground along the highway and a coffee for the driver breaks it up for everyone. No one should drive 5 hours without a rest stop. That's just common sense.
My 8 year old flew with her grandmother to her house for a week and then drove home with dad and I didnt have an issue with it ( i was actually laughing at hubby being stuck in the car for 12 hrs with a kid that would talk under water 🤣). But as for the 2yo no way 100% agree on that one
At the end of the day, these relationships are important. Distance is irrelevant, next town or next state makes no difference as long as they are in trusted care. So the question is, do you trust their grandparents? If yes, let them go for however long you think they will cope with. If no, don't let them go. People can disagree until the cows come home, you're the mum it's your say.
Instead of saying no, are you offering options to show you value your kids spending time with them? Could you go too? Take the kids and drop them there every day, older ones could have sleepovers. Two year old would probably do well as well and you'll be able to relax knowing you're right in town if they're upset.
I went interstate with my grandparents when I was 3. I had a ball. I still have incredibly fond memories of that trip. My mum rang me a few times and I was so busy having fun I didn’t want to talk 😂.
I let my son stay over night with my parents when he was around one. Not for a week but an overnight.
My parents had my niece and nephew for a week while they were 2 and 5.
I would absolutely trust my parents to drive my son from Adelaide to Sydney and back again and have done.
For me this depends on how well the children know who they are travelling with. My parents would not take uneccesary risks on the road.
I also have 4 kids, those kind of distances are the norm for me and I was/am always doing them as the only adult in the car. I'm not sure how you think another adult changes things? My children were fine in the front from that age, they were the same height as me at that age and I travel in the front fine 😂. If it's causing you too much anxiety then just keep them home it will rub off onto your kids and they will be scared shitless the whole trip.
I’m still not allowed to travel in the front either 😂
My ten year old sits in the front seat, I have no issues with that.
Only concern would be the two year old, depends on what kind of kid they are and if they would cope. My two year old would have been fine with my parents, I fully trust them and my mum minded him three days a week from seven months. It all depends on your family dynamics and maybe being with siblings the two year old would be fine? Only you can answer because you know your children better than any of us.
Having one adult, again, if any of your children are say, adhd or autistic or something and prone to do dangerous things in the car, it would be an issue but if they travel well and get along pretty well, wouldn’t be an issue.
Bottom line, a bunch of internet strangers don’t know the grandparents or the kids, the ultimate decision is yours, taking in all considerations.
My kids have holidays with their grandparents at a house only accessible by boat for a week at a time. Have done since just before the youngest child's second birthday. My niece's just flew interstate as unaccompanied minors for a week to us and go home tomorrow. We went camping which was a 3 hour drive away and because of our kids too, had to take 2 cars. So each car had only one adult. The 11 year old sat in the front as my sister in law said she gets car sick. Honestly, I think your rules are unreasonable and stopping your kids from experiencing good things. It would even stop them from travelling to a specialist for a medical appointment if you didn't have a second adult in the car. I'm not quite sure how having a second adult has any impact on safety at all?
I’m so surprised by these comments. Man I am a helicopter lol
I only have young kids - a 3 year old and 18 month old. I don't really understand the distance and travelling with more than one adult thing but maybe that's because I've always lived rurally and it's the norm for me. We'd never go anywhere otherwise! My two regularly stay with my parents who live about 100km away and will go for 2 or 3 nights at a time. I'm not sure who enjoys it more - the kids or the grandparents!
I let my kids travel however I only let my 3 year old travel in short amounts (like 2 days max) because she still co-sleeps with me and she can't handle being away from me for long amounts of time. I let my oldest (9) in the front seat regularly. She goes off on all sorts of adventures with her family and loves it. As a kid I don't really remember the times just spent at home, I more remember the times going to Mackay with my nan and pop and playing at the beach so I want to make sure my kids have memories like that too.
I would absolutley let the older kids go for a week. The 2 year old not for a week but for a couple of nights I would let them go.
About the car, I think you're being unreasonable. Provided the younger kids have car seats I see no issue with an 11 year old sitting in the front seat. Who cares how many adults are there. If there's one adult does it matter?
You're making things very difficult for yourself when there are clearly people that love you and the kids and want to spend time with them.
You are their parent & your feelings are valid.
In saying that, my children have travelled to their grandparents without me - 800km, and I’ve travelled without them (3500km when my little one was about 2.5)
Being a single parent my children always travel with only one adult in the car. We’ve driven that 3500 with only me driving.
Also having 4 kids, there were times, from the age of 8, where my oldest had to sit in the front.
There are rules that certainly are important, but there are also things I wouldn’t want my child missing out on. Could you drive them there? And maybe shorten the stay a few days for the first trip so the little ones can adjust.
I think you should also think about you. I assume you’re worried about being home without them. Give it a go. It could be amazing! My parents don’t have my kids, and my ex in laws aren’t around. The only time I get some alone time is if I organise sleep overs for everyone at the same time! And that’s only ever for a night.
See what you can alter to feel more comfortable & give yourself a time out x
I just read some of these comments & I certainly don’t feel comfortable with some of them. My nearly 8 year old isn’t allowed in the front if we’re leaving town. She’s only just been promoted from booster to sit on the seat, and only in the middle because the belt is lower & sits better on her shoulder.
I’ll be using her booster for longer trips when there’s a chance she’ll fall asleep, so I know she’ll still be upright with the belt on properly.
My son occasionally sat in the front on longer trips in his booster. Because he gets extremely car sick.
But I weigh up my risks. In my small town of 200 people & minimal traffic we’re reasonably safe on the roads. Once we’re travelling at 110, or in cities, the 2 under 12 are in the back. I actually think this is law.