My husband has suffered from bipolar disorder for the past 20 years. We have a blended family with five children and have been together for eight years. In the past six months his depressive episodes have Taking over our lives. He has problems with addiction (alcohol porn spending you name it we’ve been there). Following a domestic violence incident in May He has moved out of the family home. He’s also stop drinking. Although he attends AA I don’t believe he contributes much to the meetings. His self worth is it all time low. If he continues with his behaviour at work he will lose his job. I love him and I’m desperate for him to get help. He will soon start a support group for bipolar. And has sporadically attended psychology appointments. I’m concerned that he’s not expressing the full extent of his issues To the psychologist. I have pages and pages of text From him stating how worthless he feels, how paranoid he is, How depressed he is. He seems incapable of making any rational decisions. I have two questions do I attempt to accompany him to the psychology meetings and do I reach out to his employer (he works for mid-size firm And I am friendly with the owners but only through his work there). Thank you for reading.
6 Replies
You can offer to attend a psych appointment with your husband, but if he doesn’t want you to go there isn’t much you can do. I wouldn’t contact his employer unless his employer has known him a very very long time. Keep encouraging him to tell his psych how he feels.
I’d find my own psychologist as you need someone who can support you through this journey no matter what.
In short, no and no. He needs to sort this himself. He doesn't need to have anyone step in for him, he needs to step up, get on meds and tidy up his messes. If you attend a psych appt with him and undermine everything he says to them (in that, you try to emphasise the magnitude of his issues to them) it could backfire. If he doesn't trust the psych enough to open up then he needs a new psych. And I agree with a previous poster that YOU need support too.
If he's messaging you with all the badness he's feeling, empathise. But push him onto his support team (psych, doctor, AA etc) Encourage him to open up. They can help him. You can't.
Thanks for your advice. He is on high dose meds and takes them religiously. I think he would step up if he had any idea what that looked like for him. Unfortunately with major depression and bipolar it’s very difficult. I’ll keep attending my support network. I agree that’s very important for me. Cheers
I had someone close to me severely mentallly ill too, it’s true, they can’t just step up, they’re in no place to do it, if only it were that simple. We had to physically carry her out of the house to make her see professionals. Def attend appointments, be his advocate and tell them how bad things are, maybe he needs a change of medication? There’s are reason psychs want family members at appointments because the patient tends to have no insight into their behaviour or the level of severity. Good luck, it’s a tough road. Unless you’ve been there, it’s hard for people to understand.
I have a bipolar husband, we have been together for 20 years so i have huge compassion for you.
Yes, ask him if he would like you to attend his psychology appointments. That way you know to what extend he is diaclosing his feelings.
No dont approach his employer. Its not your place unfortunetly. Talk to your husband about talking to his boss and just letting him know he isnt 100% well at the moment.
Thank you for your advice. Although we are separated we have no family within a 3 hour radius. I am petrified of where this seems to be heading and intend on supporting him 100%. He is happy for me to attend the appointments but I really want him to develop trust and relationship with the psychologist. Is there anything else you can think of that I can do to support (but not parent) him?