Hyperemesis rant.

This is a rant, I’m not here to hurt anyone’s feelings, or tell people they are doing the wrong thing, but if I don’t rant here, I’m afraid I’ll loose it to a friend or family member and say things I can’t take back.
I’m a mother of 3 young children, 9 weeks pregnant with our 4th. We planned to have 6. But our baby journey will end after this baby, and there will be no more.
I have hyperemesis, I never had it with my other children. Whilst I am so greatful for all support I receive, I’m angry. I wake up, I throw up from the minute I open my eyes, to the minute I close them, and then wake up 4 plus times a night to throw up again. I go days without eating, and late night runs once the kids are in bed to emergency to get IV fluids. My partner is supportive, but so very hurt that I’ve told him we will not be having anymore children, I can not live like this again and I’m not even a quarter way through. So if you have a friend, who is pregnant and has hyperemesis, here’s somethings not to say-
-why don’t you just try to force yourself to eat, once you eat I’m sure you will feel better.
-what about dry toast?
-what about ginger biscuits?
-have you tried ginger ale?
The list goes on. The world doesn’t stop when you get this Ill, your partner and support network still need to work, your house stilll needs to be maintained, your children still need to be looked after, and school run and sports activities don’t stop just whilst your sick.
I’m depressed, I’m drained, I’m sick of no one understanding, people who think I’m acting on it, forcefully being sick. My eyes are bruised and blood shot from the pressure from me constantly throwing up. I wear super pads everyday because every time I violently throw up, I wet myself. I can’t shower without a seat, my arms are bruised from cannula after cannula being inserted. I’m constipated and in pain because the meds to help, constipate you. If I told you the word “termination” doesn’t run through my head at least 10
Times a day, I’d be lying. I’d never do it, but the thought of one procedure to bring me back to health does seem tempting. I love this baby, but I despise this pregnancy. My youngest refuses to go to me, because I’ve been so unwell, my eldest just keeps asking when I can play again, and my middle seems to isolate herself now because I can’t bake with her anymore. My partner is over the quick 10 minute throw together dinners, although he doesn’t complain because it’s much better then anything he is capable to cook, I know he is fed up. My head is pounding from constant dehydration, my stomach cramping from hunger pains, my back aches from constantly arching over a toilet bowl, and that’s just the physical pain. The mental pain of guilt, from even letting the thought of termination cross my mind, from missing out on time spent with my children, from seeing the clothes pile up because I just don’t have the Englert to put a load of washing on. I have to sit outside whilst my family eat most the time to avoid the smell as it will also make me sick. I just don’t know how I’m going to get out of this alive. I’m lucky to be able to fall pregnant, I know that, but I also seem to be hating seeing the pics of these gorgeous glowing pregnant woman on my Facebook becUs they make it look so damn easy. I can’t remember the last time I brushed my hair let alone put some makeup on. I don’t know how I am going to do this, but I know I will. I have to. I just feel so alone.