In a predicament, I have just returned to work (mat leave) but all I can seem to get are weekend work hours as I’m in retail casually, hubby works 40 plus hours some week, and is struggling to watch a children (2 year old + 3 year old) on weekends when I work. I want to work and help support my work and team but I also get where he is coming from? Do I tell him to suck it up or do I say no to work? Very stuck :/
Working weekends with a family?
Working weekends with a family?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care, Behaviour, Kids, IM's In Business
10 Replies
If your hubby was a single dad he’d have a full time job and have to look after the kids all weekend just like single mums do around the world.
BUT
Do you really have to work? Can you as a family financially survive until you get work at a better time? Have you considered how working weekend effects quality family time? Is there an option to do one day on the weekend only? Does hubby consider his pay ‘family money’ or does he consider it his money, that you have to beg access to.
Obviously if your family can’t survive without you working then you have to work and hubby has to suck it up. But if this is a want to work and hubby does the right thing money wise then I’d hold out for the right hours.
40+ hours is standard. He's not doing excessively big weeks... He's just a grown up with a real job. And looking after his kids? Well that's parenting and he can choose to have some less active moments in there even if he's running around to doctors appointments or sports etc. I'm not sure I do understand where he's coming from honestly. He needs to put on his big boy pants. The fact that you are casual probably means he has less to do than the majority of dad's where both parents work 40+ hours per week.
I think it comes down to the needs of your family and your priorities...
I work full time and strongly believe that all mums should work (part time at least) for their own financial independence, superannuation, etc.
However, if your partner is working full time and the only chance for quality couple/family time is on the weekend then it could actually be detrimental to the wellbeing of your family for you to work on weekends. Your partner is communicating to you that he is struggling, listen to what he is telling you.
If you are working because financially you need to for your family then he can suck it up and make it work, but if it’s solely because you want to work then I’d maybe hold off and see if you can put the kids in care a couple of days a week and work during mon-fri..
I work on Sundays. Sometimes during the day, sometimes the evening shift. I enjoy working and we need the money. but my husband, like yours, struggles with the kids and the 1 million things to do. He just can't get the balance right. So I usually prep the kids lunches and make sure there is a couple of activities (like puzzles or colouring in) ready to do as soon as I leave. it seems to be helping as I'm not hearing 'just quit your job' anymore. I used to worry that we weren't having quality time together as a family but then I realised that my husband was having quality time with the kids and learning how to navigate parenting without me hovering over his shoulder. Our kids are 5 & 1.
Hire a babysitter or ask family to do a few hours. As a single mum i do get where hubby is coming from. You need down time. But...
Does he get that every single night? A decent sleep? Same? Has it only been a few weekends and not likely to be every single full weekend?
Then husband is being selfish in putting that pressure on you. Youre working youre not out partying.
He needs to work it out, not suck it up but work it out, like we all do.
Look at it this way, you take care of the kids 5 days a week and work 2 days, he works 5 days a week and looks after the kids two days. Not that different is it, neither of you are getting any down time. You’re a young family with young kids who I am sure could use the extra money, it’s hard work at your kids ages, you’re in the worst of it, he needs to just do it. It won’t always be this hard, remind him of that.
He works average hours and parents his own children when not at work? Poor him lol. Seriously, it's more than possible to have some downtime in that scenario. If he's struggling it's because he's not confident... In which case he will find his groove in time. Or he's selfish and needs to suck it up.
Suck it up.
Looking after the children is not easier than working full time. It is a full time job with overtime.
However... if you don't NEED to work and you would benefit from utilising your weekends as family time, then don't work.
I’m presuming you need to get your foot back in the door at work before you can start cherry picking your shifts?
A husband is not a financial plan!!!! Always always always work (if you can) and keep your independence.
Do some prep at home, write a list if that helps him but he just sounds like a lazy mysoginistic ass. I am so sick of us women having to be the lead parent, plus manage the whole household and do all the emotional and mental lifting. It’s never going to change unless we do. Push back ladies!!
I so agree. My ex pushed me to leave work about 2 months after I went back from maternity leave, it was costing us a fortune in childcare, so I switched my shifts so I could work his days off, this still wasn't good enough as he had to 'give up' his days off to watch our son. When asked why it was different me 'giving up my days off to watch our son I was told 'because I like spending time with him'. He was a complete arse but I had pnd and didn't know any better. When I did leave work at his request the 'what have you been doing all day' comments started right on cue. I'm a single mum now, and back at work lol and living it! He doesn't see our son at all (his choice) Never again will i ever be in that postion.
I'm not saying this posters husband is in anyway like my ex, but I think he needs to suck it up