Needing support and encouragement

Hey Sisters/brothers, I need to vent so feel free to scroll on.
This year had been so challenging and I feel like after supporting everyone in my life who I love as they go through their own stuff that I have very little emotional energy left for me. I believe that we teach people how to treat us and I’m really working on navigating a change in how I relate to my spouse. My spouse recently lost a parent and I’m doing all I can to support them. I know their anger and grief isn’t about me but it’s constantly directed at me. I feel like their whipping boy and it’s really getting me down. I’ve noticed that I have a tendency to engage in co-dependent behaviors and I have a hard time not taking on other people’s responsibilities (and I see how I deflect my responsibilities when I get overwhelmed). It’s such a vicious cycle. I’m trying really hard to have and respect more healthy boundaries with my partner but it seems it’s all me give and they take. I don’t know how many times we’ve talked about it. We both see counselors separately and know we need couples counseling. With all that they have going on at work on top of their grief I don’t think the timings right. I feel like I should just suck it up but I don’t know how much more our relationship can take. I’m trying to look for emotional support from friends/family to take the pressure off our relationship but between work/study/kids there’s so little time and I can hear how negative I am when I talk to them, I am tired of being a Debbie downer. I’m starting to withdraw from everyone and just shut down. I know I’m depressed and I’m getting help, I guess it would encourage me to hear other people’s stories of how they stayed sane supporting their partner through loss. Thank you x