My fifteen yr old girl has stated she wants to leave school. It's been a constant battle to keep her in school and it's really important to me that she finishes year 12 to help her future.
No one in my family has finished year 12 and I've worked really hard in life to have a career and instil in her that you need to work hard to achieve things.
Currently her attendance is below 50%. She has attended 3 different high schools (she's in grade 10).
She has a loose diagnosis of bpd and oppositional defiance disorder and sees professional help as much as I can get her to go.
She has intelligence and managed to turn her poor term 1 results into good semester one overall marks. She lacks belief in herself.
Any advice? I may have reacted emotionally and told her that she will not be welcome to live with me if she isn't attending school. She doesn't have an interest in a trade, so it isn't like she would be leaving to do something towards her future.
Any advice for a stressed out mum?
keeping my teen at school?!?
keeping my teen at school?!?
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Education, Teenagers, Tips and Advice
10 Replies
As a teacher, i truly believe that school is not necessarily for everyone. If she doesn't want to be there, it's near pointless for her to attend. In fact, in Victoria, less than 50% attendance would mean that she would automatically fail VCE solely based on her attendance. If she can't commit to attending 80%, then its again, near pointless for her to attend.
Year 12 is always going to be there. Adults regularly complete it at TAFE. If she doesn't complete it now, it doesn't mean she never will...
Would she consider swapping out of mainstream school into a TAFE year 11/12 program?
However, having said all of that, no child of mine is leaving school (before graduation) without a plan moving forward. That could be a job, apprenticeship, trade, traineeship, TAFE course, etc..... and by this i mean she HAS a job or IS enrolled in a course, as opposed to some grand plan that she will leave school and then one day magically find a job...
I think if you spoke with her and told her that you are sorry for reacting emotionally, you understand that she wants to leave school, and whilst you'd prefer she complete year 12 for all the benefits it offers, you realise that she is nearly an adult and is capable of choosing the direction her adult life takes. However, if she wished to have your full, financial support she is to find a job, course, etc before she leaves school. Being an adult is hard, its about being responsible and making good decisions for your long term future. You don't just get to sit around home doing nothing.
Could you talk to the school and see what they suggest? I know our lical tafe has a program for school aged kids that don't fit in a school but still want to do school work? Maybe your area has something similar? I don't think finishing year 12 is really necessary unless she wants to go to uni, but I wouldn't be keen on her leaving if she has no back up plan. Sounds like she needs to have a talk to a career adviser to find out what direction to take.
I think it’s time you put aside your feelings and ideologies about her schooling and actually sit down with her and find a path that works. At the end of the day, for whatever reason, she doesn’t want to be there and it isn’t working for her. Nurture that (AND apologise for saying she isn’t welcome to live with you, that’s manipulation), and work out a strategy. Agree that she can leave PENDING she enrols into TAFE and does a course or has a proper plan. Tell her she can’t just sit at home. Year 12 really isn’t the be all end all.. there’s a million pathways to get where you want to in future.
Personally I dont think mainstream school is for everyone. Could you possibly seek out either tafe, trade college or find out what she wants to do career wise and look at gaining a traineeship or apprenticeship. There are options out there but you need to have a conversation with her about her future without getting emotional
I agree with the comments- look for other options for her but I don’t think it’s the same anymore- most employers are looking for a year 12 certificate and the same goes for trades. My partner has found it hard to find any jobs that do not state year 12 completion- he’s in a trade area. Every job almost seem to require some certification now- even administration
I found it hard to break in until I’d done my cert in this.
Could home school be an option for her ? My brother did not attend school from year 5 and went right through to year 12. He wasn’t eligible for an OP in Qld as it was an American program , but he is still attending uni now.
Most jobs need a minimum of a Certificate 3 qualification if they haven't completed year 12. So you could go out and do a certificate 3 in hospitality or the likes and it is actually classified as further education :)
There are plenty of ways around achieving later goals without finishing year 12, and/or going back to complete it later on.
That being said, I don’t agree with kids leaving school to do nothing.
If this were my kids, I feel like I’d make sure they have future plans in place and find a job (even if it’s part-time) before they quit school or jump into study.
I don’t believe they get a free ticket to sit at home wasting away because they don’t like school.
Medication? It may calm her mind and help her focus
I feel really sorry for you. I went through this with my 15yr old daughter last year. It is hell. I agree with you. Education is important. My daughter is currently 16 yrs old and in Year 10 and she still hates school but has improved her attendance. I tried looking into other options but she wasn't interested in that either. In July this year I got really angry with her and said that's it. I have had it. We are not having a repeat of last year. YOU are finishing Year 12 whether you like it or not. She did not react like I thought she would. Its like she was waiting for me to really be clear about my boundaries. She is linked with the wellbeing centre at school (since Year 7) so they are aware of things. Apologise for saying that you will kick her out (she really needs you, but I totally understand how frustrated and tired you are) Just keep going. I really hope you can get some relief soon. It is exhausting.
I have a 17 year old who is 8 weeks off finishing who is also wanting to drop out. I have been fighting to keep him there but he is sabotaging himself by flunking his final assessments. I feel your pain, I’m frustrated too!
However, on a more optimistic note, I dropped out of high school at 16. At 19 I decided I wanted to attend uni, I did a 6 month cert through the uni, which then gave me entry to an IT degree. The subjects I did in the cert were credited off my degree. In the end, it was actually less time, effort, & work to get into uni that way than it would have been had I actually stayed at school. Leaving school does not not mean doors will be closed pernanently, there are other pathways. Sometimes you have to go with the flow and hope for the best. X