How do you know when you are ready for a second child? My baby is 13 months old and the thought of getting pregnant again terrifies me!! I am waiting for that yearning feeling that I had when I wanted my first baby, but I just dont have it! Right now I feel I would be perfectly content with just the one child. Hubby is keen to start trying and he doesn't want a large age gap but I cant bring myself to say yes. How do I know if I'm ready if i dont have that yearning? I'm worried that if i wait for that feeling the age gap will be huge and they wont grow up as friends. I'm also worried that if i just go ahead and have another now that I will resent the new baby for taking me away from my first or not love him/her as much. I hate writing that, but if I'm being honest that is what I'm scared of. Any advice would be wonderful. Thank you ladies xxx
8 Replies
Nothing wrong with having just one child :)
Nothing wrong with having one, and there is nothing wrong with having a big gap. Not all siblings will be friends even when born close together.
I know loads of siblings born close together that can’t stand each other.
It took me around 2.5 years and I now have a 3.5 year gap and I love it! Sanity intact most days hehe
Nothing wrong with having just the one child if that is what you want. Also nothing wrong with a gap. My sister is 5 years younger then me and we have a great bond.
I have 3 kids all 2 years apart in age and they all hate each other most of the time lol
My 2nd pregnancy was a suprise... we hadn't even discussed having more children.Throughout my pregnancy with him i often thought how will i love this baby as much as my first.. like i found it very difficult trying to imagine loving another baby as much as my first and often would worry that i wouldn't when he was born. I worried about my 1st and him having to share my love and attention and how he would cope etc.
When he was born i loved him, i was happy... but it did take me a little while to bond with him if I'm being honest. The bond wasn't instantaneous like my 1st. Him and i now though are very close... i don't like to say that i have favourites but i do have a very big soft spot for him.
My eldest handled having a new baby brother perfectly fine and absolutely adored his baby brother....i was worried about nothing lol i wish they still adored each other...but these days they spend most of the time trying to kill each other.
Just talk to your husband and be honest. Don't let him pressure you into having a 2nd child if you're not completely sure you want to. Maybe ask him if you can revisit the topic again in 6-12 months and see how you're feeling then about it.
Never have a child because you want your existing child to have a friend.
Wait until you're ready. I didn't want a second until my eldest was 2ish.
And having kids close doesn't mean they'll be friends.
My mum had 6 in 7/8 years, NONE of us are close or friends with each other.
Do what's best for you and tell husband that you'll wait 6 months and see how you feel then.
Wait for that yearning feeling, in my opinion.
I had it when I wanted my first child and when he was about 10 months, it came back and that’s when we started ttc. After the second, the thought of a third is terrifying. Our second is two now, and I’m slowly coming around to the idea of the third.
Always knew I wanted three or more, and I always wanted 2 years age gaps.. but once the second came along and I didn’t have a yearning for a third, I knew it was best to wait. And I know the feeling of “wanting” the third is slowly coming back.
And the timing will be perfect whenever it does even though it means the third one will be a decent age gap between the first two.
Honestly, a second baby is hard work. Nothing wrong with nit 'yearning' because now you understand how exhausting babies are and you're probably just starting to get your flexibility back after your first. The question is, do you want your child to have a sibling? If so, have a baby. If not, enjoy just one.
We have a boy and girl are 14 months apart. Their personalities are chalk and cheese, they get on like a house on fire. It was the perfect gap for us.They are 9 and nearly 8 now.
We chose to have them close so the baby stage was over together.