Hello! I have an adult son who lives interstate. His partner's parents came interstate to attend a wedding. They visited my parents, but didn't contact me to come and catch up with them. (He lived with my parents from the age if 16 as it was closer to work and school). (There were issues with his step father in terms of rules and additional new family). My parents did tell me about it, but also didn't contact me to tell me what was happening to come on down. I am definitely out of the loop! But with that brings all sorts of mum guilt about what a bad parent I am, how we raised him, how we struggled financially, how we aren't as perfect as his girlfriend's parents...the list goes on. I am crying into my wine. How can I get past this?
5 Replies
I don't think this is a reflection on you. It's your son's inlaws. If your son came and didn't visit that would matter but I think you're fine xxx
This is not a judgement on you!
Gosh we have absolutely no contact with ‘in-law parents’ unless it’s a major function.
We are all very different people and that’s just fone. Not a judgement on anyway.
I have an adult child who does not keep me in the loop either thanks to his Dad. I feel for you it really is heart breaking when things like this happen like they aren't even your child anymore. I don't know what to advise other than to contact them yourself and say sorry you missed them, you would love to meet them so maybe next time they come to your state or you to theirs you can meet up for a coffee. Leave it at that, if they don't want to meet you but were happy to meet your parents I would be inclined to think some things are getting said about you.
I agree, things have been said and they obviously see your parents as his parents. There’s nothing you can do about what people say behind your back, I’m struggling with this at the moment, in a different context, it is what it is. I would be more worried and focused on my relationship with my son, that’s what’s really important. Does he see you as his mum and person to fall back on or does he feel resentment that you picked new partner over him? That is the bridge I would be building, stuff the in laws, who cares about them. If all good with your son, then you have nothing to worry about. Easier said than done,I know, that’s the attitude I’m trying to take at the moment.
Stop drinking wine 🍷
Sounds like you made a choice when he was younger, your new guy was more important than your child. Accept your choices. Accept yourself. Show your son how important he is to you now and don’t expect anything in return. In time perhaps, the past can be healed. But if you’re still with the same guy, doing the same things, acting the same way, well maybe not...